Facebook is overrun with pictures of baby bumps or “side belly cleavage,” as I like to call it, originating with women announcing their journey from TTC (trying to conceive) to TWW (two-week window after ovulation) to Chosen Ones With Tiny John McCains in Their Bellies. As friends, we’re overjoyed when we see these in our feed, obviously, because we’re all going to get free baby lessons once our friends duplicate (this is the correct terminology, right?).
There is a contingent of people who find the public baby bump pics, ultrasound avatars, or photographs of loaf of bread in the oven a little smug. But my key objection is the sheer lack of originality. Your ovaries spit out an egg that caught the flying shuttlecock of your mate mid-Fallopian tube — that is some world-class tennis you’re playing, lady! Your prowess in implanting a fertilized embryo deserves something a little more personalized.
If you’ve received the lucky news that you’re adding an initial to your Pottery Barn towels, tell your friends and family one of these fun ways: Keep reading »
A woman in Flint, Michigan demonstrated that having a baby in the womb makes you superhuman: After getting her purse snatched in a Kroger parking lot, the woman, who was nine months pregnant, ran down the thief, who proceeded to push her over (BASTARD!). I say was pregnant because later that day she gave birth to a healthy baby boy. All in a day’s work, amirite, ladies? Two of her family members stopped the purse-snatcher and held him until police arrived. Craziness — but hey, silver lining is that that baby was born into a boss, loyal family. [Huffington Post] [Image: City of Flint Police Department]
A new Tennessee law makes it legal to charge a woman with child abuse and assault if she takes illegal narcotic substances while pregnant. The first woman who was arrested under this new law was a 26-year old woman whose baby girl tested positive for methamphetamines after being born. The woman was reportedly arrested on her way out of the hospital. Although she was later directed to a rehab, this new law may set a terrifying precedent to all pregnant women.
Laws like this are disguised at protecting babies, but in fact just feed the prison pipeline and deter pregnant women from seeking healthcare. If we really want to uplift the status of women, then community resources and further education better serve this, rather than the cycle of incarceration for one nonviolent act after another. Keep reading »
“If you want to have kids you’d better do it while you’re young. The women in our family go through menopause early — 38 to be exact. Your grandmother? 39.”
My mother said that to me every few weeks from the moment I started menstruating until I hit 30. But at 25, I was more concerned with drink specials than finding someone special. During my monthly fertility chats with Mom, I’d internally puff up and congratulate myself for not being into all that conventional crap.
I was the cool chick. The one who didn’t need a boyfriend and didn’t want to get married and lived in a big, bad city and focused on work and traipsed about to parties; soaking up new experiences and bad dating stories like a weathered Army vet with a killer hangover. This was my identity and I loved every second of it. Keep reading »
I’ve been having pregnancy scares since before I even started having sex. This is either a reflection of the quality of sex education in California during the early-‘90s or a sign that I’m just deeply paranoid. Luckily, I’ve never actually been pregnant … just further convinced that sometimes the body likes to play mind games. Alas, my excellent track record did not dissuade a new wave of pregnancy panic. See, my period is late. And I’ve had sex in the last month. It was protected, BUT STILL. Like I said, I’m paranoid. So, just before filming this week’s episode of Funny Girl Sex Guide, I took a pregnancy test and in true Maury Povich style, I reveal the results at the end of the episode. But first! Let’s review the main reasons for why a normally prompt period might be late … besides pregnancy.