Tag Archives: porn

Why Are Penises Always Funny In Movies?

After seeing “Bruno,” one of my male friends went on a 5-minute rant about how penises in movies are always played for laughs. In his opinion, the nudity law of cinema is that when a woman’s naked, it’s completely serious or titillating, but when a peen pops up on screen, it’s meant to be hilarious. He repeatedly asked the question—why? Keep reading »

Quick Pic: Lindsay Lohan Finally Has A, Um, Job

Hustler, who brought you “Nailin’ Paylin” and The XXX Cosby Show featuring The F**kstables, has finally spoofed another pop culture coochie: Lindsay Lohan. While LiLo used to be one of the hardest working girls in show business, now it seems she can’t even get a role playing herself in a porno! Although, maybe this adult movie has finally figured out the timeless Hollywood career question, “Who Do I Have To Blow To Get A Job Around Here?” Answer: Samantha Ronson, Scarlett Johansson, Paris Hilton, and porn king of peens, Ron Jeremy. Hm, we think they forgot top dog producer Harvey Weinstein…. Keep reading »

Tyra Asks “Gay For Pay” Actor If He Gives Or Receives … Christmas Presents?

Fascinating topic on “The Tyra Show” today — gay for pay porn actors! In the clip above, Tyra asks a married father of three why he prefers to, ahem, receive presents rather than give them. TyTy has such a knack for making XXX subject matter seem G-rated. Keep reading »

Porn Stars Up In Arms That Production Companies Are Going Plotless

Not that pornos are exactly known for their profound plot lines, but as more people prefer to get off online, “scripts” and “acting” in porn videos and DVDs are being replaced by more raunchtastic sex. In probably the lamest complaint ever, porn stars are whining that adult video production companies are losing the storyline by tailoring to online technology. Gone are the days of 1970s favorites like “Deep Throat” and the 2005 hit “Pirates.” Now porn production companies are catering to viewers by making shorter, more easily downloadable clips and using themes or mini-plots to tie the disparate pieces together, like “Girls ‘n Glasses” produced by New Sensations. We’ve always thought porn plots were pretty amusing, so we don’t know if we’re excited about this change. Also, what about all those porn stars hoping that their work will launch them into a mainstream acting career? Wait, has that happened to anyone besides Sasha Grey? Regardless, if you’re a true “movie buff” then don’t miss “2040” by Digital Playground. The company’s president told the NY Times “2040” is “an almost Romeo-and-Juliet story between an aging porn star and a cyborg.” Sounds like a real tearjerker. [NY Times] Keep reading »

OMFG: Fifth Grade Teacher Sends Kids Home With a DVD—With A Clip Of Her Naked!

Oh, look how cute, little Jimmy, on his class trip! Hey, look at Suzy raising her hand in class! Uhhh, is that Miss Defanti? What is she doing? Why yes, kids, that is your fifth-grade teacher lying naked in bed with her legs spread wide open. Crystal Defanti, a fifth-grade teacher from Sacramento, California, gave her twenty-five students a DVD to take home at the end of the school year. The DVD showed a years worth of class activities….but also an eight-second clip of her lying naked with her legs spread. All a huge horrifying mistake (for everyone involved—imagine having to explain to your fifth-grader what she was doing?), the teacher hadn’t realized that her homemade sex video was on the tape and called the families hysterically the next morning, sobbing, apologizing and asking them to stop any further students from viewing it. Beyond mortifying. Keep reading »

Hustler Inspired By The Boob Tube

We already told you about “Not The Cosby Show XXX”, “Celebrity Pornhab with Dr. Screw”, “Keeping It Up With The Kard-ASS-ians”, “This Ain’t Star Trek XXX”, and reports on the trend of porn companies like Hustler Video looking to television for inspiration, writing:

The twist now is going the extra mile to invest projects with better production values that actually have scripts and genuinely resemble the source material. There are stories, plots and even sex-free versions to accentuate the parody– however incongruous that might sound — on Blu-ray editions.

Uh, sex free versions? Now what’s the point of THAT? [Variety] Keep reading »

China Cracks The Whip On Porn

Does anyone else thinks it’s crazy that China has gone apes**t on the porn industry? Yes, porn has been illegal in China since 1949, and there were big old crackdowns on “spiritual pollution” in the 1980s. But recently, the government decided to really get down and dirty with the industry. In 2002, they passed a law whereby censors can look at normal folks’ emails and websites to make sure there was no questionable content involved. Then in 2005, the government locked up Chen Hui, the creator of China’s biggest porn site, and sentenced him to life in prison. In May, the government shut down Love Land, a sex-themed amusement park, before it even opened. Last week, the government started blocking Google on some computers because, well, it’s obviously the portal to sin. Starting on Wednesday, every single computer sold in China will automatically have software installed to keep the owner from surfing for or downloading porn.
Keep reading »

Quickies!: Sarah Jessica Parker And Matthew Broderick’s Twins Are Born

  • Sarah Jessica Parker and Matthew Broderick’s twin daughters were born yesterday via a surrogate. The babies’ names are Marion Loretta Elwell Broderick and Tabitha Hodge Broderick. [Quickies] — That first name sucks ass, even if it has familial significance.
  • Mattel is releasing “Twilight” dolls in the likeness of Kristen Stewart and Robert Pattinson’s characters, Bella Swan and Edward Cullen. [Perez Hilton] — OK, Kristen officially has to give up her I’m-so-awkward-I’m-cool shtick because nothing spells conformity like M-A-T-T-E-L.
  • How did Tanner P. from “The Bachelorette” know that Jillian’s feet were “softer than s**t?” [E! Online] — I guess he’s had a ton of crap in his life.

Keep reading »

Are You Going To Watch “Hung”?

This Sunday, June 28, at 10 p.m., HBO is premiering a new show, “Hung.” Guess what it’s about? A guy who turns to prostitution to make a living. Step aside, “Belle de Jour.” Get out of here, “The Girlfriend Experience.” Call-girls are, like, so 2008. 2009 is all about guys who sell their bodies to make ends meet. The dramatic comedy stars Thomas Jane as Ray Drecker, an all-star high school athlete who ends up as a high school basketball coach whose wife dumps him for her dermatologist. Casting about for something to do with his life and make some money, Drecker takes note of his well-endowed physique and sets about renting it out by the hour. Uh, “The Sopranos” it ain’t. It’s “Boogie Nights” meets the recession! Are you going to tune in or tune it out? Keep reading »

I Married A Pornographer

“Hi, Honey!” I said as I poked my head out from the kitchen. “How was the gangbang at the bowling alley?” My husband swung through the front door lugging film equipment.

“Pretty whatever,” he said. “Four massive dudes and two roller girls.”

We were newlyweds. Ours was not your typical greeting. Keep reading »

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