The moment that my boyfriend got up to use the restroom, my friend Liz* turned to me and said gravely and in hushed tones, “All right, I need to make this quick before he gets back from the bathroom.”

Surprised, I replied, “OK???” She sounded like she’d been desperately holding something in all evening, just waiting for us to be alone.

“I just need to tell somebody this. I found out this week that Jay*” — her fiancé whom she has been with for 10 years — “has been masturbating to porn when I’m not around. Like, instead of having sex with me.”

I breathed a sigh of relief. I thought Liz was going to say she found out Jay was cheating. He was only looking at porn, though! Thank God!

But as I would soon find out, for Liz, there wasn’t much difference between the two.

The Australian government apparently has some issues with a woman’s “down under.” The Classification Board for the country’s smut industry is working on banning porn that includes female ejaculation and/or small breasts. The censors are trying to block any websites that include or link to material that include these particular “offenders.” Customs officials are also being advised to confiscate any pornography that has instances of female ejaculation. So, I guess now would be an ideal time to look into becoming an Australian Customs Official since screening smut could be part of your job description? But this is not the most outrageous element of this new ban—what’s worse is the reasoning.

Porn: whether you love it, hate it, or feel indifferent, you can’t deny it influences people just like any other form of media. Generally, “Think of the children!” hand-wringing is something I ignore because I think it can get really overblown. But a recent report on how exposure to porn affects young boys is a brash wake-up call that not worrying about their exposure is to their, and our, detriment.

Porn star Sasha Grey does not just write for Newsweek; she poses for PETA, too. Grey and her butt crack really want you to have your cats and dogs spayed or neutered—and hey, we don’t disagree.

Now that his late night talk show host job is in jeopardy, Conan O’Brien is trying to figure out what to do next. Is he seriously considering taking a porn company up on their offer to star in a hardcore movie? Find out!

After 90 years, The Beaver magazine has announced it will change its name after a losing battle with online porn filters. It turns out most folks searching for “beaver” online are not looking for a historical periodical about Canada! “Nearly a century ago, it probably seemed the perfect name for a magazine about the fur trade and Canada’s northwest frontier,” the publisher Deborah Morrison lamented. “There was only one interpretation for the word then.” Ha, we’re surprised this didn’t happen sooner. Starting with the April/May issue, The Beaver will be called the less raunchy-sounding Canada’s History—and will stop confusing pervs who want fanny-flashing Britney pics. [AFP]

Last night while watching a movie with my girlfriend, she found some porn websites in my computer’s history. The sites were really crazy and I was embarrassed by them. Now I feel ashamed that she saw them. Does she think of me any differently? PS: I am a guy… — Embarrassed

Apparently, there are more than a few adult movie send-ups of the Tiger Woods sex scandal in the works. There’s the oh-so-cleverly titled “Tiger’s Wood,” Vivid’s upcoming Woods homage featuring one of the golf star’s former mistresses, and now the inevitable “Tiger’s Got Wood.” Starring Jonny Slim as Tiger and Diana Doll as Elin, the X-rated golf extravaganza features a bevy of illicit acts shot on putting greens, “Elin” hitting “Tiger” over the head with a plate, and probably a lot of “driver” jokes. Poor, poor Tiger. [TigersGotWoodMovie.com]

Well, I think we knew this was coming. Zero Tolerance Entertainment is hard at work on a porn spoof based on MTV’s “Jersey Shore” and, yes, you guessed it, the film will be called “Jersey Whores.” According to Fleshbot, casting has already started and we’re more than slightly underwhelmed by some of their choices. We know it can be hard to find exact doppelgangers within the porn biz, but Dylan Ryder looks nothing like Sammi Sweetheart. And seriously, can Taryn Thomas’ hair even hold a pouf like our beloved Snooki? One upshot to “Jersey Whores” is that, miraculously, the dudes cast to portray “The Situation” and DJ Pauly D are both way better-looking, if not the slightest bit guido-esque.

OK, Tiger Woods I totally get, but throwing in an ol’ Gloria Allred-inspired character in “Tiger’s Wood” seems a lil’ harsh. To the viewers I mean. [TMZ]

For the last month and a half, I have been utterly glued to “Sex Rehab With Dr. Drew” on VH1, in which the salt-and-pepper-haired Dr. Drew Pinsky counsels semi-famous entertainers who are battling sex addiction. We’ve written a bit about the topic on The Frisky, sometimes expressing dubiousness that it’s even that common, but the show has definitely taught me—oh, the power of television!—that sex addiction is extremely complicated. In fact, in the show’s voice-over, Pinsky says that sex addiction is as harmful as drug or alcohol addiction.

All of the patients being treated on the show are dealing with sex addiction that has manifested itself in different ways, but I’ve found Jennie Ketcham’s story to be the most compelling. Ketcham arrived on the show as Penny Flame, her porn alter ego. As anyone who has watched Pinsky’s previous treatment shows knows, he insists on calling his patients by their given names and not the personas they’ve crafted, often to shield their demons. And so Penny Flame became “Jennie” again and almost immediately, it seemed, at least to me as a viewer, that Ketcham’s recovery from sex addiction began. Since the show wrapped, Ketcham has left porn and Penny Flame behind and has started a blog, Becoming Jennie, which chronicles her recovery. In her first entry she wrote, “My name is Jennie Ketcham, and I am a recovering porn star. And addict. This day, as every day, is the first day of the rest of my life, and I intend to live it to the fullest.”

After the jump, Jennie talks with The Frisky about being a sex addict, how “Sex Rehab” changed her life, how she feels about porn now, and what her plans are for the future.

Vivid Video, the adult film giant, already employs Holly Sampson—one of Tiger Woods’ alleged paramours—as one of their skin flick starlets. But they want the others on their roster too, and they’re willing to pay for it. Vivid is offering any of Tiger’s mistresses $1 million bucks to agree to star in one of their films, according to a press release from the company.

“Our offer to actual proven paramours of Tiger Woods who agree to star in a Vivid film and provide details and an explicit look of what Tiger experienced still holds. It seems the chance we’ll be taken up gets better as the days go on.”

With nine rumored mistresses already tallied and potentially more waiting in the wings, Vivid’s odds are looking good. Guess it really pays to bone a baller, huh?

Bar owners often try to come up with inventive ideas to fill bar stools and sell bevs, but I think Sardo’s Grill & Lounge, a dive karaoke bar in Los Angeles, should win an award for creativity. They’ve come up with “Porn Star Tuesdays,” a night for the porn industry’s best and brightest to get together and sing some karaoke, schmooze it up, and talk new projects. With clothes on, of course. The owner of Sardo’s says the night wasn’t really his idea—it began accidentally in 2003, when some peeps dropped in after a long, hard day on the set. Six years later, Sardo’s porn karaoke night is as virile as ever. So what’s an average night like?

We’re sure lots of guys jumped to attention when they learned the University of Montreal was going to conduct a “pornography study.” Unfortunately, no one got to help out Professor Simon Louis Lajeunesse with his research! You see, the professor had hoped to research how relationships between men and women are affected after a man who has never seen porn gets hooked on the stuff. One small problem. “We started our research seeking men in their twenties who had never consumed pornography but we couldn’t find any,” Lajeunesse said. He didn’t flush out what “consumed” means—they had seen it? they jerk off to it?—but I guess it shouldn’t be surprising either way. Everyone, after all, receives emails daily promising “HOT WET FRESHMAN SLUTS” one click away.

Hey, it’s the trailer for “This Ain’t Beverly Hills 90210 XXX,” the X-rated send-up of “Beverly Hills 90210”! Something about watching this (totally SFW) video makes me feel sad, dirty, and depressed. Why, Donna, why? Also, is nothing sacred? And that guy does not look like Steve Sanders at all. According to the press release, Brandon has a three-way at the Peach Pit. Sometimes, I wonder when these porn spoofs are going to stop, because I don’t know about you, but I have had about enough of them. What’s next? “This Ain’t Doctor Zhivago”?

My boyfriend of two years has an addiction to porn. We’ve never watched together, and I actually just found out about it three months ago. He was viewing it on my computer and I confronted him about it. I had previously mentioned that porn is not something to ever be viewed on my computer (I have two young girls at home). He was actually replacing our sex life with satisfying his own needs. Things got better ... for awhile, but the last two weeks I’ve noticed it on the computer again. Different sites, but still tons of pics of naked girls. I finally confronted him, again. I’m hurt and confused, and seriously sick of living like a nun. This addiction stems from years of being alone. As much as I understand, what’s left for me to do? Can we make it better or is this a lost cause? — Getting Nun

The other night, the new BF and I were chatting and somehow the topic of conversation landed on porn, as it is prone to do when you’re dating someone like me. He was saying something about watching the same thing twice and I thought that was interesting, because I always thought men have “favorites”—you know, videos bookmarked on their browsers, secret files of nudie pics with only redheads, etc. So I thought it was time to revisit the topic of porn, how much dudes watch, and what holds their attention. Check for all the juicy details, after the jump…