Jennifer Lawrence had a scheduled appearance on “The Late Show With David Letterman” recently, but she couldn’t make it. Why? Because she was crapping her pants. Several times a day. And had to go to the hospital. “You can only shit your pants so many times a day before you, like, have to go to the emergency room,” she said. This is true. Jennifer shared all of these details and more with David Letterman, who could only respond, “Oh … my … goodness.” Get well soon, Jennifer! And stay near a toilet! [YouTube]
I don’t know about you, but I’ve always been okay with peeing in the ocean. Mostly because it’s annoying to pee when you’re wearing a one-piece bathing suit, which I wore when I was a kid, so I just got into the habit of letting it flow in the ocean. I think most people feel that it’s harmless and even enjoy peeing in the ocean, although some people seem to believe it’s wrong and/or weird. Inevitably, these non-ocean urinators are met with a slew of justifications from the pro-ocean urinators: That’s where the fish pee! The salt water makes the already sterile urine even more sterile! Or something! Everyone does it! The natural world is our toilet! Keep reading »
Dear Kenneth Webster Enlow,
Now, I do love a man who goes after what he wants. Initiative is hot! Motivation is sexy! The problem, though, is that you wanted to be a peeping tom inside a septic tank in the women’s restroom at a public park. Keep reading »
Deal with it, ladies.
And yes, I mean “ladies.” Because while there are many ways you are discriminated against in the office because of your gender — unequal pay, the glass ceiling, the boys’ club — but hiding your poop at work because you’re afraid what somebody will think about your bowel movements is all you. Keep reading »
Al Roker, prepare for your sharting incident to be forgotten. I wish I spoke Finnish right now so that I could understand this story in it’s entirety because it is bonkers. From what I can ascertain from the wonky Google translation, two female journalist purposefully pooped in their pants on a bus traveling from Helsinki to Turku and wrote about the experience.
May Day Vappu Kaarenoja and Aurora Rämö of Ylioppilaslehti, Finland’s largest student newspaper, planned the act of public defecation for the newspaper’s 100th anniversary issue. They detailed the the pooping process, riding the bus with poop in their pants, how their pants felt and smelled and I can only imagine what else.
As you might have guessed, both the bus company and the newspaper’s distributor were not excited about this piece of journalism. The bus company’s CEO is calling it a “tasteless trick and really tasteless writing.” “This is extra work for us. And this is certainly [bad] for bus passenger comfort, the idea that someone has shit his pants on the bench,” said the CEO. They company is considering taking further action against the girls. They would like an apology and money for cleaning expenses. [Kotimaa]
It will never get worse than this.
I’m thinking that to myself as I rock back and forth on a toilet in a noisy bar. It’s Saturday night, a table full of my friends is wondering where I ran off to, and I have a potential date/booty call in a couple of hours. I’m sweating, I’m shaking and I’m trying to figure out what did it this time.
It, of course, is another horrific bout of diarrhea, one of the charming effects of irritable bowel syndrome. I felt it coming on as we walked to the bar, and made a beeline to the gas station across the street. I had to wait while the cashier bullshitted with a cabbie, shifting weight from one foot to another while cramps amped their way up my abdomen. Keep reading »
Have I mentioned that I have a mild phobia of public restrooms? I believe I have. I’m not scared of them per se, it’s just that I want to be alone when I go to the bathroom. Why should I be forced to share? It’s not cool. Since my single bathroom utopia is hard to find (unless I’m at home), I have to find some way to make this public restroom thing work. Japanese inventors came up with a solution for concealing embarrassing bathroom noises.The Eco-Otome Toilet Sound Blocker is an adorable little gadget that mimics the sound of a flushing toilet for 25 seconds. Just put it on your keychain and push the button until you or the other bathroom goer is done doing da business. A step in the right direction for bathroom-phobes. If only it didn’t cost $20. [Oddity Central]OK
Back in college, my best dude friend laughingly told me a horrifying — and quite possibly apocryphal — story about a “friend of a friend” whose one-night stand lost control of her bowels during a particularly energetic bout of anal sex. Embarrassed for the woman, I tentatively asked what the man did at that point, figuring he’d gotten angry or flipped out or ran into the bathroom to vomit.
“Oh,” my friend said nonchalantly, “Duh. He took her into the bedroom and kept going.”
The story’s stuck with me for years and not just for the gross-out factor: the more I’d hear about women afraid to crap in their boyfriends’ apartments or in shared hotel room bathrooms on weekend getaways, about psychosomatic constipation related to the mere presence of a man with whom a woman was having sexual relations, the more I’d think about the nonchalant way men talk about shit and wonder if we were really just doing all of this to ourselves. Is it really that men (or, at least the kind of men you’d want near your genitals) need us to be poop-and-fart free to want to fuck us, or have we just convinced ourselves they did? Or, worse yet, are we projecting our own learned squeamishness about our bodily functions onto men, as a way to rationalize yet another internalization of the “our bodies are gross” myths that pervade society? Keep reading »