Make It Stop is a new weekly column in which Anna Goldfarb — the blogger behind Shmitten Kitten and Shlooby Kitten — tells you what’s up. Want a fresh take on a stinky dilemma? Email email@example.com with the subject “Make It Stop.” She’ll make it all better, or at least make you laugh. Girl Scout’s honor.
First up, we have a woman whose coworkers use the office ladies’ room like their own personal telephone booth (yes, that’s our own Amelia above, gabbing away)… Keep reading »
I write this to you in the heat of the moment, still disgusted at what I just witnessed in the company ladies room. IT WAS NOT PRETTY. In fact, after slurping down several tall glasses of Long Island Iced Teas during a barbecue yesterday, I was forced to stop at a seedy, highway rest stop McDonald’s to pee, and I’m sad to report that their women’s restroom was cleaner than the one in my office building. But this isn’t just happening in my building. Gag-worthy workplace bathrooms— particularly ladies’ rooms— have become an epidemic. We can all relate. Keep reading »
I’m sure there are some people who have a preferred brand of toilet paper, or at least think they do, but how many of us have actually been given an opportunity to compare and contrast various TPs in one
shitting sitting? That’s why I think this Dutch supermarket is on to something — the grocery store’s restroom is stocked with a wall of different brands of TP, all labeled, so you can pop a squat, do your business (personally, I think doing #2 would be the best test), and wipe away until they’ve settled on a fave. I’m not sure why this Dutch supermarket is so invested in helping customers find the best TP for their peeing and pooping needs, but I sure wish American grocery stores gave a shit. [Consumerist]
Jennifer Lawrence had a scheduled appearance on “The Late Show With David Letterman” recently, but she couldn’t make it. Why? Because she was crapping her pants. Several times a day. And had to go to the hospital. “You can only shit your pants so many times a day before you, like, have to go to the emergency room,” she said. This is true. Jennifer shared all of these details and more with David Letterman, who could only respond, “Oh … my … goodness.” Get well soon, Jennifer! And stay near a toilet! [YouTube]
I don’t know about you, but I’ve always been okay with peeing in the ocean. Mostly because it’s annoying to pee when you’re wearing a one-piece bathing suit, which I wore when I was a kid, so I just got into the habit of letting it flow in the ocean. I think most people feel that it’s harmless and even enjoy peeing in the ocean, although some people seem to believe it’s wrong and/or weird. Inevitably, these non-ocean urinators are met with a slew of justifications from the pro-ocean urinators: That’s where the fish pee! The salt water makes the already sterile urine even more sterile! Or something! Everyone does it! The natural world is our toilet! Keep reading »
Dear Kenneth Webster Enlow,
Now, I do love a man who goes after what he wants. Initiative is hot! Motivation is sexy! The problem, though, is that you wanted to be a peeping tom inside a septic tank in the women’s restroom at a public park. Keep reading »
Deal with it, ladies.
And yes, I mean “ladies.” Because while there are many ways you are discriminated against in the office because of your gender — unequal pay, the glass ceiling, the boys’ club — but hiding your poop at work because you’re afraid what somebody will think about your bowel movements is all you. Keep reading »
Al Roker, prepare for your sharting incident to be forgotten. I wish I spoke Finnish right now so that I could understand this story in it’s entirety because it is bonkers. From what I can ascertain from the wonky Google translation, two female journalist purposefully pooped in their pants on a bus traveling from Helsinki to Turku and wrote about the experience.
May Day Vappu Kaarenoja and Aurora Rämö of Ylioppilaslehti, Finland’s largest student newspaper, planned the act of public defecation for the newspaper’s 100th anniversary issue. They detailed the the pooping process, riding the bus with poop in their pants, how their pants felt and smelled and I can only imagine what else.
As you might have guessed, both the bus company and the newspaper’s distributor were not excited about this piece of journalism. The bus company’s CEO is calling it a “tasteless trick and really tasteless writing.” “This is extra work for us. And this is certainly [bad] for bus passenger comfort, the idea that someone has shit his pants on the bench,” said the CEO. They company is considering taking further action against the girls. They would like an apology and money for cleaning expenses. [Kotimaa]
It will never get worse than this.
I’m thinking that to myself as I rock back and forth on a toilet in a noisy bar. It’s Saturday night, a table full of my friends is wondering where I ran off to, and I have a potential date/booty call in a couple of hours. I’m sweating, I’m shaking and I’m trying to figure out what did it this time.
It, of course, is another horrific bout of diarrhea, one of the charming effects of irritable bowel syndrome. I felt it coming on as we walked to the bar, and made a beeline to the gas station across the street. I had to wait while the cashier bullshitted with a cabbie, shifting weight from one foot to another while cramps amped their way up my abdomen. Keep reading »