I haven’t publicly written about this yet, but … here goes. For quite a while there was a Poop Bandit plaguing the toilets at Frisky HQ. We share a bathroom with many other offices, so it was nearly impossible to identify the bandit without catching her in the act. We never found out who she was. She was stealth. Her Poop Banditry included dropping poopacalypses several times a day, rendering the toilet of her choosing inoperable and clogging up drains with the paper towels (NOT TOILET PAPER, BUT PAPER TOWELS) she used to wipe herself. She seems to have disappeared back from whence she came and the toilets have been fairly quiet, but we will not forget her and the poopstrosity she imposed upon all of us. Keep reading »
Tag Archives: poop
There are a lot of shitty Halloween costumes out there. Don’t get pissy about it. Wear one! Click through to see the crappiest toilet-themed costumes.
Poop happens. To everyone. Even girls! I know, it’s like I just broke the magical fantasy seal you had about girl butts, but it’s true! We poop. And sometimes? It doesn’t go so well. The following stories are about such times. Please share your embarrassing poop stories in the comments! Keep reading »
Gather ’round, kids. Time for your poop news of the day! First, the latest in better toilet technology is the Squatty Potty, a stool that helps you achieve proper pooping posture. Or you can just squat on your toilet seat — but the Squatty Potty looks more comfortable. You can buy one starting at $34.95. The company also sells other potty products. Don’t worry, I’m not even going to bring up baby wipes. I don’t want to incite a riot. I’ve included a Squatty Potty instructional video after the jump. Keep reading »
Dear Pigeon Who Relieved Itself On My Head,
My scalp is not your toilet! Do you have any idea what it’s like to have have some good morning mojo going, to be steps away from arriving to work ON TIME (I’m not a morning person) only to be shit on by a winged rat? It sucks. I was rounding the corner to my office building, listening to Astral Weeks by Van Morrison, trying to feel a vague sense of well-being and spiritual connectedness when you dropped your load on my head. I prayed that the warm mess in my hair was just a big raindrop. But it was not raining. I put my finger in it and my nightmare came true. I ran into the nearest deli with a shit smear on my finger. I rode the elevator with your pigeon-y poop on my hand. People looked at me. I’m sure they smelled me. Or should I say, YOU. Keep reading »
Some students studying synthetic biology at Cambridge University engineered a strain of bacteria they called E. chromi. It’s a genetically altered form of E. coli bacteria, which secretes colors when it detects certain chemicals. OK, I am not a scientist, so I can’t explain how this happened in detail. It’s highly involved. You’re going to have to watch the video for that. This is what I do understand: One of the proposed future uses of E. chromi would be as a digestive diagnostic aid. Put your food down if you’re eating because I’m about to get graphic. Keep reading »
Look guys, I’m going to start out with a disclaimer, which is to say, we all know cleanses and shortcuts other than eating healthy and exercise are not going to really help you lose weight. However! This bitch is always looking for a shortcut. And so when a PR rep offered to send along samples of Noted Weight Loss Expert and “Biggest Loser” Yeller Extraordinaire Bob Harper’s new line of slimming products, I was like I am so going to do this.
Bob Harper’s Smart 7-Day Cleanse isn’t a typical juicy-juice eat-lots-of-kale-til-you-turn-green cleanse program that involves completely changing everything in your life and giving over to the higher power of the food processor. No, it involves taking six veggie caps per day and eating three regular balanced meals. What are those veggie caps packed with? Well, Senna. Senna, which you can, to be honest, also find in a lot of “slimming teas,” acts as a laxative and appetite suppressant. But oh man, it is powerful. You will poop if you take it. And you will poop a lot.
The idea is that you take this cleanse before you get really going on your exercise and weight loss regiment. That way you’re not carrying around extra crap — literally. So how was it?
You were wondering about that, weren’t you? Good ol’ poopface.