There are a lot of shitty Halloween costumes out there. Don’t get pissy about it. Wear one! Click through to see the crappiest toilet-themed costumes.
Tag Archives: poop
The Weirdest Time We Ever Pooped
Poop happens. To everyone. Even girls! I know, it’s like I just broke the magical fantasy seal you had about girl butts, but it’s true! We poop. And sometimes? It doesn’t go so well. The following stories are about such times. Please share your embarrassing poop stories in the comments! Keep reading »
Today In Poop News: Squatty Potty & The Girl Who Got A Fecal Transplant
Gather ’round, kids. Time for your poop news of the day! First, the latest in better toilet technology is the Squatty Potty, a stool that helps you achieve proper pooping posture. Or you can just squat on your toilet seat — but the Squatty Potty looks more comfortable. You can buy one starting at $34.95. The company also sells other potty products. Don’t worry, I’m not even going to bring up baby wipes. I don’t want to incite a riot. I’ve included a Squatty Potty instructional video after the jump. Keep reading »
An Open Letter To The Pigeon Who Pooped On My Head
Dear Pigeon Who Relieved Itself On My Head,
My scalp is not your toilet! Do you have any idea what it’s like to have have some good morning mojo going, to be steps away from arriving to work ON TIME (I’m not a morning person) only to be shit on by a winged rat? It sucks. I was rounding the corner to my office building, listening to Astral Weeks by Van Morrison, trying to feel a vague sense of well-being and spiritual connectedness when you dropped your load on my head. I prayed that the warm mess in my hair was just a big raindrop. But it was not raining. I put my finger in it and my nightmare came true. I ran into the nearest deli with a shit smear on my finger. I rode the elevator with your pigeon-y poop on my hand. People looked at me. I’m sure they smelled me. Or should I say, YOU. Keep reading »
In The Future, We Will Poop Rainbows
Some students studying synthetic biology at Cambridge University engineered a strain of bacteria they called E. chromi. It’s a genetically altered form of E. coli bacteria, which secretes colors when it detects certain chemicals. OK, I am not a scientist, so I can’t explain how this happened in detail. It’s highly involved. You’re going to have to watch the video for that. This is what I do understand: One of the proposed future uses of E. chromi would be as a digestive diagnostic aid. Put your food down if you’re eating because I’m about to get graphic. Keep reading »
Baby Genius Needs To Poop On “The Today Show”
This segment proves that three-year-old geniuses are just like other toddlers in the sense that when they have to poop when they have to poop. Even a Mensa-level IQ can’t help this toddler predict when her bowels are going to go haywire on a live “Today Show” segment. Too many doughnuts in the green room. I hate when that happens. Everyone seems more concerned with Emmy’s interest in insects than her dire potty emergency and request to “take it out.” I really hope this moment doesn’t become the metaphor for the rest of her life. [Videogum]
A Dude Breaks Down The Types Of Female Poopers
First of all, comedian Robbie Sherrard (or should I call him Robbie Shitard?) is to be commended for keeping a straight face as he says that women only poop about once a week (unless they drink coffee). Good one, Robbie! Then he goes on to describe the three different type of girlfriend poopers. There’s the self-conscious pooper, who goes to great lengths to never drop a “Hiroshitma” in her dude’s presence; the TMI pooper who takes Instagram photos of her deuce; and the middle-ground pooper, who quietly does her business and never speaks of it. I’m going to get working on my rebuttal video about the three types of pooper boyfriends: The whiney pooper who won’t shit without his baby wipes and often carries them on his person; the considerate pooper, who uses air freshener for your benefit; and the bomb dropper, who proudly clogs your toilet every time he goes. [Buzzfeed]
Beauty Test Drive: Bob Harper’s Smart 7-Day Cleanse, A Pooper’s Paradise
Look guys, I’m going to start out with a disclaimer, which is to say, we all know cleanses and shortcuts other than eating healthy and exercise are not going to really help you lose weight. However! This bitch is always looking for a shortcut. And so when a PR rep offered to send along samples of Noted Weight Loss Expert and “Biggest Loser” Yeller Extraordinaire Bob Harper’s new line of slimming products, I was like I am so going to do this.
Bob Harper’s Smart 7-Day Cleanse isn’t a typical juicy-juice eat-lots-of-kale-til-you-turn-green cleanse program that involves completely changing everything in your life and giving over to the higher power of the food processor. No, it involves taking six veggie caps per day and eating three regular balanced meals. What are those veggie caps packed with? Well, Senna. Senna, which you can, to be honest, also find in a lot of “slimming teas,” acts as a laxative and appetite suppressant. But oh man, it is powerful. You will poop if you take it. And you will poop a lot.
The idea is that you take this cleanse before you get really going on your exercise and weight loss regiment. That way you’re not carrying around extra crap — literally. So how was it?
Steven Tyler Shows You What It Looks Like When He Poops
You were wondering about that, weren’t you? Good ol’ poopface.
A Poop Break Cost This Pup The Win At Crufts
Don’t you just hate when nature calls at the most inopportune moments? Libby, a five-year-old cross breed, was having a great run on the obstacle course at the 2012 Crufts dog show, when she had the overwhelming urge to stop and take a dump. Maybe she ate too much, or it was nerves. Either way, a dog’s gotta do what a dog’s gotta do. Unfortunately, Libby was disqualified for her ill-timed poop break. Next year, we hope she’ll eat less fiber before she hits the floor. [Buzzfeed]
