The “poopetrator” who left human poop in the dorm laundry machines is still at large at Yale University. But fortunately the brown stuff that was smeared on clothing on Friday was just chocolate, not feces. Rumors are circulating that a “senior society” called the Pundits may have smeared chocolate on items hanging from a clothing line as a (gross) prank and then alerted the campus to it with an email from an account called email@example.com. I’m glad that the affected students/staff only had to wash chocolate, not shit, from their clothes. But I think I can probably speak for everyone on the Yale campus when I predict they’ll never look at chocolate the same way again. [Huffington Post] [Image of melted chocolate via Shutterstock]
Poop bandits can strike anywhere, at any time — from the shared bathrooms of your office building, to campus of Yale. According to the The Yale Daily News, someone who goes by the moniker “Yale Poopetrator” has been going number one and number two in unattended dryers and, on Friday at 3:35 a.m., sent out an anonymous email alerting the student body to his/her latest act of poop banditry — a clothesline full of shit-smeared garments. After the jump, the electronic clue that the YP left behind to help solve the case. Keep reading »
Shittens are disposable moist wipe mittens to protect your hands from getting errant doody on them while wiping yourself, a baby’s bum, or any other gross orifice you may come in contact with. “In general, Shittens are for fecal emergencies. But feel free to live like a Rockefeller and enjoy a Shitten every time you [poop],” their web site brags. “Listen to your heart… you’ll know when it’s the right time to grab a Shitten.” Not a joke. Yup, totally real. FDA -approved an everything! A box of 20 Shittens will only set you back $9.95. I hope all of the dough goes to the acoustic guitarist and singer who earnestly sings “Don’t get brown-handed, put on a Shitten, try the new wet wipe shaped like a mitten!” in the Shitten commercial. Highlight of his career. [Get Shittens via Laughing Squid]
One woman in New Mexico has a really bad habit of pooping in the same man’s yard on her morning runs. The man, who wishes to remain anonymous, has described the attacks as “malicious fecal distribution,” according to Daily Mail.
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Dear Kenneth Webster Enlow,
Now, I do love a man who goes after what he wants. Initiative is hot! Motivation is sexy! The problem, though, is that you wanted to be a peeping tom inside a septic tank in the women’s restroom at a public park. Keep reading »
Pictured above are the Giannakos family of Ontario. They shitstorm survivors. Literally. Last week, they were just sitting in their backyard enjoying some family playtime when the mother, Emma Gilfillan-Giannakos, heard what she described as a “loud splash” followed by tons of small, hard, brown pellets floating in her pool.
“I had no idea what it was. I thought maybe a rainstorm, but it only lasted a second or two … I stuck a finger in the water and I smelled it. It was poop,” she said.
This was no biblical plague. Turns out, the family lives dangerously close to Pearson Airport. Not making the connection? Yeah, me neither. Hint: have you ever wondered where your waste goes when you use an airplane restroom? I know I have spent a great deal of time pondering that very question. Keep reading »
Each summer, around the time that it hits about 90 degrees and 90 percent humidity, I walk by the public pool at the park in my neighborhood and contemplate diving in. I ache for a cool dip. But then I see all the children in the pool and first thing I think is, You can’t go swimming, there’s DOODIE in there. Perhaps I was scarred by watching “Caddyshack” too many times as a kid. I know it was just a candy bar, but I’ve never been able to rid myself of the nagging suspicion that there is real scat in my local swimming pool. Turns out, I was right.
According to a new report that will ruin public swimming pools for you forever, the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention discovered that about 58 percent of public pools in the Atlanta area tested positive for fecal E.Coli bacteria. I can only imagine that these stats are consistent around the country, which means that most kids shit in the pool. Keep reading »