In today’s Dear Prudence letter, a woman going by the name of “Feeling Dirty” wrote in “grossed out” and “confused” that her boyfriend of two years seems to be turned on every time she poops — especially if it’s of the diarrhea variety. The woman, who mentions that she grew up in a house where bathroom behavior was never discussed, admits that she’s one of those secret poopers, even in her own home, which she shares with her boyfriend, “Ron.” She writes:
“Now that ‘Ron’ and I are living together, I have to divulge certain information on a need to know basis. More specifically, if I have diarrhea. These times I have had to explain, ‘You may not want to go in there for a while.’ The weird thing is, 15 minutes or so after telling him such, Ron initiates sex. I find it gross and confusing. He knows how uncomfortable I feel as it is. This has happened four times so far. He denies a pattern or that it’s unusual. Am I the one being weird about this?”
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Life is an adventure, or that’s what I told myself yesterday, as a small tube was inserted into my butthole. Hold on, let me backtrack. A few weeks ago, a friend in PR asked if I wanted to write about something called the Optimum Detox Treatment offered at Manhattan’s Paul Labrecque Salon and Spa. Naturally, I said yes, because who turns down free spa treatments? Not I! To be honest, I kind of just skimmed the email with all the details and then forgot about it until yesterday evening, when I remembered my appointment. It wasn’t until I was clad only in a robe, reclining back in a super comfortable and high tech massage bed that I realized I had no idea what this “detox treatment” was all about. A facial? Perhaps a massage? Maybe I’d be slathered in some mineral-y mud and wrapped up with seaweed?
Yeah, not quite. Instead, I found myself with a tube up my butthole on a Monday evening after work. Because part two of the Optimum Detox Treatment — part one involved infrared light and will be discussed in another post — was a colonic. Surprise! Keep reading »
“The Butterfly Effect” is a sci-fi thriller starring Ashton Kutcher, yes. But it’s also the phrase used to describe the relief one feels when she knows her underwear are protected from skid marks. As advertised in a recent issue of Martha Stewart Living, Butterfly body liners (or poopliners, as I prefer to call them) are a “new kind of discreet protection from ABL” (accidental bowel leakage). The caption next to the smiling model, Renee age 53, reads:
“It’s hard to believe such a little thing could make such a big difference. Talk about a butterfly effect.”
Important question: Are there kegels you can do for your butthole so you never have to experience the butterfly effect? [Jezebel]
Today in what in the ever loving holy hell: human shit was found in the hallway of a University of Alabama dorm, allegedly dropped by a sorority girl. (But there are nearly 1,000 girls living in that dorm, so it might be difficult to track down the poop bandit.) Total Frat Move received photographic evidence of the scat found (and the unlucky RA who had to clean it up) in Tutwiler Hall, an all-girls dormitory.
Now, here’s the really disturbing part: this is the second incident of non-toilet excrement at one of the university’s dorm. Three weeks ago, an anonymous dude reported that a Bama sorority girl shat on a dorm chair and wiped with a comforter as payback for a hookup gone wrong. Keep reading »
When a toddler fell into a septic tank Saturday, it took a group of concerned strangers to get her out — and one of them had recently been released from prison.
The 2-year-old girl was walking with her mother in Maricopa, Arizona, when she stepped on a septic tank lid. The lid collapsed under the girl’s feet and she fell into a tube full of murky, foul water. Read more on HLN…
The reviews on Amazon are often a treasure trove of hilarity, but occasionally they are both amusing and educational. For example, I had no idea until today that if I were to eat a handful of Haribo sugarless gummy bears, I could expect my insides to turn into hot lava. According to the hundreds of reviews for the candy on Amazon, these gummy bears are incredibly tasty going in and incredibly painful coming out. As I’m a journalist, I plan on finding and ingesting these bears myself to confirm the validity of the reviews. I have a very strong and regular constitution, so if these Haribo sugarless gummies manage to give me “projectile diarrhea so foul and so watery it could have gone through … nylons,” as one reviewer described, you’ll know they’re to be avoided. I’ll report back! In the meantime, check out some more of the hilarious reviews of these unintentional laxatives after the jump! [Amazon via Slightly Viral] Keep reading »
A tipster wrote into Total Frat Move saying,”A Beta took a chick home last night then ditched her to apparently hook up with another girl. The original girl wasn’t too happy so she took a shit on his chair then wiped with his comforter. Read more on College Candy…
When bride-to-be Micaela Harris told her sister she had an engagement cake all lined up for her party, her sister insisted on being the one to bring the cake. Micaela agreed and her sister went about getting her a custom-made cake from New Zealand bakery, Oh Cakes. Somewhere along the way, Micaela’s sister got in an argument (the details of which are not specified unfortunately) with Emma McDonald, the owner of Oh Cakes. That’s when things got crappy. Keep reading »
Everybody poops, including dogs. But when these dogs poop, they do it with a certain style, grace and dare we say, emotional intensity that sets their bowel movements apart. Presented without further commentary, Huffington Post brings you the Bold Italic’s “Dramatic Portraits of Dogs Pooping” by Brock Daves. See more portraits on Huffington Post…
When digging through the bowels of the internet, you tend to find both shit and nuggets of gold. Sometimes, you find both. The shitnugget interweb discovery of the day (thank you, Amelia) is a website called Poopie Poems, featuring the largest collection of poop poetry on the web. You can browse through well-crafted Haipoops, Rhyming Shitlets, and Free Turds, which explore the scatological crisis and moving movements all of us experience in life. I got choked up reading Mr. T’s A New Life Is Born As The Toilet Flushes… which describes one man’s last doodie before he becomes a daddy. Check out the full poem after the jump. Keep reading »