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The Top 7 Hair Metal Videos In Which The Music Is So Powerful It Defies the Laws of Physics

The Top 7 Hair Metal Videos In Which The Music Is So Powerful It Defies the Laws of Physics

I don’t know you, but I’ve spent an awful lot of my life wishing that I’d been a teenager around the time that I was born. Bon Jovi was touring for Slippery When Wet in 1987! “Here I Go Again” was topping the charts! “Talk Dirty to Me” was one of the most popular videos of the year! We were out of the recession! The Soviet Union was about to fall apart and Ronald Reagan was making Americans feel like we really were the cool kids!

And apparently we had so much confidence in rock and roll that we believed it could do ANYTHING. LITERALLY ANYTHING. Hair metal bands seemed like they were obsessed with proving that they were the anti-conformist avant garde (while also basking in the tremendous capitalistic success they were intent on wasting on cocaine), and to do so they made videos that pitted the band against authority figures, using only music as their weapon. If they’re to be believed, the sound waves emitted from instruments and the adrenaline they get from performing transforms them into the bastard child of Gandalf and the Mighty Hulk.

Anyway, god knows we need a good laugh right now in 2014, so without further ado, here’s seven (OK, eight) music videos that’ll show you the righteous anti-authority power of hair metal. Keep reading »

Man Tries To Kill Woman With Poison Shoes

Just no: Floating Shoes
simone rocha perspex heels
These are an accident waiting to happen. Read More »
WTF: Dreadlock Murder
This man tried to strangle his gf with his dreadlocks. Read More »

Oh Tatsujiro Fukasawa, you do know a woman’s weakness, don’t you? Fukasawa, 40, attempted to kill a female colleague he’d been stalking by pouring hydrofluoric acid into her shoes. Hydrofluoric acid acid can be absorbed via the skin and cause everything from skin abrasions to internal organ failure. The woman realized something was wrong when she developed gangrene on her left foot. It’s not known how much permanent damage the acid has caused.

For his part, Fukasawa denies the charges. Police are also investigating what they believe may be a related case: the same woman said she was forced to go to the hospital this past October after experiencing pain while wearing a pair of boots. [Japan Times]

Bret Michaels And Miley Cyrus Duet On “Good Morning America”


Look, I’m a Poison fan from way back. I even have a thong somewhere that says “Poison Partied Here” on the crotch. I’m not into Bret Michaels the TV star — I prefer Bret Michaels the Rock Star. And I most certainly do not approve of the Bret Michaels who allows Miley Cyrus to duet with him on the classic hair metal ballad “Every Rose Has Its Thorn.” Is nothing sacred? Keep reading »

Stay Away From Rhino Horns

If your supply of ground rhino horn has diminished, you might want to go without for a while. Two 19th century horns were stolen from a South African museum, and they could be headed to Asian, where rhino horn is a popular aphrodisiac. This is sad for the museum, but it’s even worse for the person who ingests the stolen rhino horns. The taxidermy mounts were prepared by being soaked in arsenic and applied with DDT. Whoever thought ground rhino horn would improve their sex life has another thing coming. [Reuters] Keep reading »

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