Well, you’re a crazy bitch for a reason, at least. The exxxtreme version of PMS, premenstrual dysphoric disorder (PMDD), has officially been recognized as a distinct mental disorder in the American Psychiatric Association’s newest Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders, the DSM-5. Premenstrual dysphoric disorder affects roughly 3-8 percent of women, who report having debilitating feelings of depression, anxiety, tiredness, among other physical and mental symptoms, in the two weeks leading up to their period. The good news is that by adding PMDD to the DSM, women who suffer from these symptoms will be taken more seriously; the bad news is that it’s likely to be a great talking point for those who like to use women’s “moodiness” as the reason they wouldn’t be good for, say, public office or serving in the armed forces. As with any mental health issue, recognition leads to advances in treatment, which is a good thing, but, as NYMag.com points out, only so long as doctors and drug companies don’t use it as an excuse to “pathologize healthy women’s emotional cycles.” [NYMag.com]
When we’re PMSing, get out of the way world, for we are slaves to the impulses of our hormones. And they are hungry! They are harassing us, screaming Salty! Sweet! Both at once! Feed me now, bitch! They require a snack of the ooeyiest, gooiest order. Preferably something that satisfies sweet and savory cravings simultaneously. Try mowing these PMS snacks and see if they don’t do the trick. Warning: clicking through this slideshow you may begin to salivate/laugh/cry/roll around on the floor like a madwoman at the sight of cookie dough dip, cheese balls, chocolate covered potato chips and more. Down, girl!
Premenstrual syndrome (PMS) is a combination of physical and emotional symptoms including bloating, cramps, headache, and mood swings that occurs consistently during the ten days prior to the start of menstrual flow and vanishes either shortly before or shortly thereafter. In other words, it’s what I like to call Hell Week, and that’s a drastic understatement.
In addition to the aforementioned typical symptoms, I also experience extreme fatigue, intense food cravings, insatiable hunger, unpredictable bouts of crying, and sporadic emotional meltdowns that often result in reevaluation of every major and minor life decision I’ve ever made. As I sit on the couch drowning Oreos in gallons of milk and contemplating joining the Peace Corps, it’s hard to remember these symptoms are just temporary. One Hell Week left me with a visceral hatred for my husband after he flushed my Oreos down the toilet. In retrospect, I can’t blame him. He watched in absolute horror and disgust as I shoved whole cookies, two at a time, into my mouth leaving crumbs all over my face and chest in a futile attempt to eat my fabricated pain away. He likened me to a crack fiend, so flushing the cookies down the toilet was probably a necessary intervention. Keep reading »
Breaking news in the world of snake detection. And no, I’m not talking about trouser snakes. I’m talking about actual snakes. Those slithery things that can kill you, either because you are freaked out to the point of cardiac arrest or because they are poisonous. Those things. A new study found that women are better at sensing the presence of snakes right before their periods. Add that to the list of amazing PMS symptoms: Bloating, cramping, irritability, food cravings, heightened sensitivity to snakes. And why does PMS make us so snake sensitive? Because our premenstrual hormones make us more aware of perceived threats. In case we are pregnant and trying to keep our spawn safe from things like snakes. Certainly, if I ever go camping (which I don’t plan to), it will right before my period, so that I can save myself from snake death. [Live Science]
Help for men everywhere is finally here! U.K. man, Kari Dorn, invented a PMS alert wristband. After being married for 16 years and hearing his buddies complain about their domestic woes — because a PMSing woman is so, so scary! — Dorn had a brilliant idea for a bracelet that lets men know at what time of the month they should be a wee more sensitive toward their lady friends. His PMS alert wristband uses temperature sensitive technology. Since a woman’s body temperature increases during ovulation and stays that way until right before her period, the bracelet changes color during prime PMS time. So if your man sees a threat level red, he knows to lay low, remember to take out the trash, and go on a chocolate run. Hopefully these bracelets are also stylish … for our sake. [Daily Mail U.K.] Keep reading »
Recently, an enterprising bro made a handy iPhone app that allows men to track their girlfriends’ and wives’ period cycles. Jon Rose, who created the whimsically titled “Code Red” app, says it tracks “all of her cycles — it works for ovulation … it works if you just want to know when she’s going to be PMS-ing, it works if you want to know if she’s extra horny.”
Nice job making tricky technology work for you, Jon, but a period-oriented iPhone app isn’t necessary! There a bunch of tell-tale signs that your woman is on the rag. After the jump, we give you some of the most obvious signs your lady is riding the crimson tide. Keep reading »
While normally I’d say I feel something akin to dipping the world in sprinkles and fluffy bunny tails, today I’m all grrrrrrr! If my attitude could morph into a shape to personify its feelings, it would be a robot with metal teeth that snorts fire at a monster truck rally. I’d crush puny cars, breathe kerosene, and charge admission! OK, clearly I can explain this shift in my personality with one acronym: PMS. Look out, kiddies, because I am about to surf the crimson wave, and until then, it’s not going to be pretty. It’s not my fault, but in the interest of fair warning, I may feel entitled to these following behaviors — and so should you!
Keep reading »
The first time I got my period, my mother (after crying and then running to tell my father even though I had just asked her not to) got into bed with me and brought a rich, dark chocolate mousse with her. She explained to me that women eat chocolate during their periods because it makes them feel calm and happy. This I found to be true, but when Aunt Flo started visiting with more intensity, mom didn’t coddle, and instead handed me a huge dose of Advil. “Are you crazy?” I shouted. “This will kill me!” “No,” she said, “What’s on the bottle is a safe dose, but they use far more in hospitals when people are in pain. You’re in lots of pain.” And so for years I’ve been shoving Ibuprofen down my throat (usually eight or so a day during ladytime). Keep reading »