Once upon a time, a man in northern China named Jian Feng married the girl of his dreams, and soon his beautiful wife gave birth to a baby girl. And that’s where this fairytale ends, because Feng took one look at his newborn daughter and declared that she was extraordinarily ugly. Since Feng believed that his ridiculously good-looking DNA could never have contributed to a less-than-lovely child, he accused his wife of cheating on him. Now here’s where the story goes from depressing to crazy: Feng’s wife hadn’t cheated on him, but she had concealed another soap opera-worthy secret. Apparently before she met her would-be husband, she had undergone $100,000 worth of plastic surgery to alter her appearance. Feng was so enraged with this turn of events that he filed for divorce and sued her for the equivalent of $120,000 for convincing him to marry her under false pretenses. And here’s where the story goes from crazy back to depressing: Feng won the case.
Aaaaannd I need a drink. [Planet Ivy via Neatorama]
If there’s a lesson to be learned from Jami Lynn Toler, the Arizona woman accused of faking cancer to raise money for breast implants, it’s that some things are just not worth doing for fake boobs. The 27-year-old told her grandmother, her boss and dozens of other friends and family members that she needed money to get a double mastectomy and breast reconstruction surgery. She even went so far as to set up fake fundraisers and an online donation page. Toler raised $8,300, which she used to pay for her new pair of boobs. No, there was no cancer involved. It was a lie. For her crime, she was sentenced to a year in jail, three years probation and she will have to pay the victims back. Hmmm. Accepting you natural boobs or facing incarceration? I choose natural boobs! [NY Daily News]
Toler’s not the only woman who has done something incredibly stupid just to get implants. Click on to see what other dumb things women have done for bigger breasts. Ladies, so not worth it!
Apparently, there’s a big debate going on in THE WORLD about the state of Coco’s caboose. Put your mind at ease. She insists her ass is 100 percent real. It’s just gotten bigger because she has hit the ripe old age of 32 and she’s getting bigger in all the right places. Lucky her. Her ass realness is confirmed by the official “Doctors” jiggle test (a thinly veiled excuse for everyone to stare at her ass). I can’t believe Tyra Banks didn’t think of the jiggle test first. I guess she was too busy tooching.
So that settles it. Coco’s butt is real because it’s jiggly like her breast implants and not hard like those weird, silicone butt implants and because it has its own personality. But before large booties were the big thing in Hollywood, Coco suffered with that behind of hers. People called her fat. Her own grandmother tried to smother that thing by putting a girdle on her when she was only nine years old. If only granny could see her now. [WOW]
File under: total nightmares. [ONTD]
In my most solitary personal moments, there is nothing I like better than to watch “Jersey Shore” with my pants off and my mouth dumbly ajar, spooning with a bag of Lay’s. That shit fascinates me. My many private observatory hours of guilty pleasure screening have naturally led me to pick favorite cast members, episodes, couples, and fights, which is the hallmark of reality TV, no? Its very core intention is to make you invest time and energy into watching and thinking about these characters, who are actually real people, and that in and of itself is stranger than any fiction.
Anyway, whatever — my fave is the artist formerly known as Jenni Farley. JWoww has a sensitivity and lucidity to her that that the other housemates lack, and I was actually pleasantly surprised by how intelligent she seemed to be at many intervals. I also thought in the first couple of seasons that she was so naturally pretty, but things only got weirder and weirder from there. Why won’t this (no longer) perfectly good-looking girl stop messing with her face? Is it insecurity? Does she actually think she looks … better? Case in point: here she is, being the case study in how not to wear makeup, and what plastic surgery not to get. I’m sorry, but this is straight-up sad.
Not that I really care either way, but let’s say that Zooey Deschanel did get some kind of nose job, she’ll probably blame it on her deviated septum. It is the Hollywood way. Whenever a celeb gets a nose job, but doesn’t want to admit to have working done for the sake of having work done, this seems to be the reason. Yes, this is a legitimate medical condition. It basically means that the bottom, middle cartilage part of your nose (proper name: septum) is off-center, causing your nostrils to be different sizes.
My septum is deviated. Actually, yours probably is too. Stats say that about 80 percent of the population have deviated septums. It’s usually not serious. And if you have one, life will go on without you ever noticing it except maybe when you have a cold. In more extreme cases, it can inhibit breathing, cause frequent nosebleeds or chronic sinusitis. But mostly, it’s serves as a thinly veiled excuse to get a rhinoplasty. Click through to see all of famous peeps who attributed their nose jobs to deviated septums.