George Clooney: Sexiest man alive and itinerant ball ironer. Yes, that’s right, George Clooney (pictured joyfully showing off his scrotal superiority) has sparked a new trend in testicle management, telling the Italian magazine Max that he’d had his balls “ironed out.” This isn’t the first time he’s mentioned de-wrinkling his testicles — he made a similar joke to Esquire magazine in 2008. And while we’re pretty sure Clooney was a zillion percent joking, ball-ironing has now become an actual thing at many spas around the country. (*Bangs head against desk*) Keep reading »
“I did it with my best girlfriend, so she and I go and we get our lips done. Fine. I have it like that for my whole career, right? So then cut to a couple of years ago, I have a doctor remove as much as they possibly can because it got to the point where they were yucky. You know, they get hard. It’s gross. They are now whatever that was after they took out as much of the silicone as they could.”
— Lisa Rinna is the self-proclaimed “pioneer” of lip injections, and you know what? I kind of think she’s right: she’s the first celebrity (I use that term loosely) who I remember seeing on TV and wondering, Is that lady half-tilapia? Nowadays, I don’t even know what Lisa Rinna does for a living. I just think of her as a creepy, bloated pair of disembodied lips, and also a walking billboard for an anti-injectables PSA. This quote from Lisa’s “Today” appearance yesterday makes me increasingly nauseous the more I try to visualize it (should I stop?), and frankly, I’m disappointed that she isn’t actually half-tilapia. What a letdown. [Huffington Post]
It’s always uncomfortable to receive a gift you don’t want. You remember your childhood birthday parties. Just smile and say thanks for the Barbie you already have! Boise man, Andy Thompson, found himself in an extremely awkward position when he won a $3,000 voucher for breast augmentation surgery. For Mardi Gras, a local bar was giving the boob job away as a Fat Tuesday door prize, and Thompson was the lucky winner. When asked what he plans to do with his new pair of boobs, the 37-year-old joked “I was thinking about going with a C cup, but I think a small A is good for me.” But seriously, Thompson doesn’t know “what the plan is” for his unwanted prize since there are “so many good options.” Keep reading »
Oh, heeyyy. What’s that? TLC has a new amazing show coming down the pipelines? Oh, yes they do. The channel whose womb I want to crawl into, is bringing us “Plastic Wives,” a series about the wives of some of the most high profile surgeons in Beverly Hills.
“Underneath all that plastic are the wrinkles the cracks, the insecurities. We all try to cover it up, but we’re the Plastic Wives,” says cast member Dayna. She also refers to her vagina as “two soy hot dogs with a bad carpet.” I will be using that one in the future. Why soy? I can’t take the time to ponder that because really, Dayna’s soy dogs are nothing compared to Alana’s. She keeps hers in a small plastic jar. “This is my labia, I think she looks better in a jar than hanging down there,” she says.
Done and done. I’ll be watching the premiere on January 27th. The full preview after the jump. [TLC] Keep reading »
Liliana Coello, from Queens, NY, is another fake doctor accused of administering hazardous butt injections. Coello, 39, allegedly charged her victim a discounted rate for a series of procedures that resulted in an infection that will “pose a life-long issue.”
Prosecutors report that Coello injected a victim’s butt with a clear, gel-like substance, found to be consistent with silicone and/or paraffin. The victim complained of redness, pain, swelling and “leakage.” When she returned to Coello to help fix the problem, her solution was to apply Krazy glue to the leaky spots. (WHAT!?) Obviously, this didn’t work and the victim had to go to the hospital. Keep reading »
I liked being Jewish. I just hated my face. I wanted desperately to like my face better. I’d spent too many years laughing with my hand over my nose because I thought it looked even bigger when my face was happy. Stupid, right? It’s amazing, in retrospect, the things we are tormented by.
When I was a little girl, I thought I’d grow up to look like a queen—exotic, powerful, with a strong, regal profile. Queen Thayet, in Tamora Pierce’s The Immortals series, had a hawk nose and she was the most beautiful woman in the world! Why not me? I had a hawk nose! I figured I would be decent at ruling a kingdom, too.
But then when I was 14 a girl told me I needed to get my face fixed. She said she had a friend whose daddy could do it because he was a rich plastic surgeon. She said that if I went to him he’d make me pretty.
The things kids say! Keep reading »
Found on YouTube: (almost as disturbing as that fake doctor who injected people with cement and superglue) a possibly real video of a woman with butt implants gone terribly wrong. Yeah, I don’t think any implant is supposed to be able to do a somersault in your body. That’s worrisome. The video, originally posted on WorldStarHipHop.com, is accompanied by the following message:
“Ladies do not ever do silicone butt injections they are toxic to your body. Butt implants are not any better, too many risk, infection, displacement of the implant and they feel like rocks not to mention look very unnatural … Here is what happens when implants go bad.. This is my personal experience I almost died from this surgery and am having them removed this Thursday.”
You don’t have to tell me twice. Done and done, anonymous butt lady. No implants for me. If this video is not a hoax, I wish this woman and her butt a swift recovery from this botched implant fuckery. [The Gloss]
Once upon a time, a man in northern China named Jian Feng married the girl of his dreams, and soon his beautiful wife gave birth to a baby girl. And that’s where this fairytale ends, because Feng took one look at his newborn daughter and declared that she was extraordinarily ugly. Since Feng believed that his ridiculously good-looking DNA could never have contributed to a less-than-lovely child, he accused his wife of cheating on him. Now here’s where the story goes from depressing to crazy: Feng’s wife hadn’t cheated on him, but she had concealed another soap opera-worthy secret. Apparently before she met her would-be husband, she had undergone $100,000 worth of plastic surgery to alter her appearance. Feng was so enraged with this turn of events that he filed for divorce and sued her for the equivalent of $120,000 for convincing him to marry her under false pretenses. And here’s where the story goes from crazy back to depressing: Feng won the case.
Aaaaannd I need a drink. [Planet Ivy via Neatorama]
If there’s a lesson to be learned from Jami Lynn Toler, the Arizona woman accused of faking cancer to raise money for breast implants, it’s that some things are just not worth doing for fake boobs. The 27-year-old told her grandmother, her boss and dozens of other friends and family members that she needed money to get a double mastectomy and breast reconstruction surgery. She even went so far as to set up fake fundraisers and an online donation page. Toler raised $8,300, which she used to pay for her new pair of boobs. No, there was no cancer involved. It was a lie. For her crime, she was sentenced to a year in jail, three years probation and she will have to pay the victims back. Hmmm. Accepting you natural boobs or facing incarceration? I choose natural boobs! [NY Daily News]
Toler’s not the only woman who has done something incredibly stupid just to get implants. Click on to see what other dumb things women have done for bigger breasts. Ladies, so not worth it!