1. I’m 15 and for the first time in my life, a teacher calls me out on sleeping in class when I’ve been awake the whole time. I’m surprised it hasn’t happened earlier, because kids have made fun of my eyes since preschool. Times are a-changing I guess. I’m the only Asian in my class, one of three in my entire high school, and people bring it up all the time for the rest of the year. I get it. It’s funny, that time our old, kinda-racist teacher thought I was sleeping because my eyes are small. My eyes aren’t even that small!
2. I’m 12 and my mom is teaching me how to smile so that my eyes don’t disappear. No one likes a squint. I’m 0 percent invested, so I don’t learn. I do know that the word for squint in Mandarin is mī, and it forms your mouth in a squint when you pronounce it, like a lyrical “me,” lips tight for the ‘m’ and barely parted for the ‘ī’. I don’t read much into that. It’s just a happy coincidence, like how “groovy” ends on a smile.
3. I’m 20 and sometimes my friend points out that my eyes disappear when I smile really hard. I think — I know — I think she doesn’t mean it in a shitty way (“I always forget that you’re Asian,” she’s also said), but every time I hear it, it burns red hot in my brain for the rest of the day. I’ve learned enough to know that when I was 15 and people said, “It’s funny because your eyes aren’t even that small,” they were also saying, “You don’t look that Asian.” I suspect this is the same kind of thing. Then I suspect that I’m doing a lot of introspection for a hang sesh with my friends. Keep reading »
Hey girl, are sure you’re ready for your boyfriend to propose? More specifically, is your hand ready for him to a put a big ol’ expensive rock on it? According to ELLE, hand lifts — yes, face lifts for your handddddsssssss – are becoming increasingly popular with brides-to-be concerned that unsightly loose skin and wrinkles are distracting from their pretty baubles. Seriously, guys? I can’t.
Once upon a time, I got engaged and I suddenly had a big ol’ rock on my finger. I will admit that wearing such a beautiful piece of jewelry every day — a ring that didn’t turn my finger green and wasn’t purchased at Urban Outfitters or Forever 21 — did make me feel inclined to get more regular manicures. It just looked better with nicely shaped and freshly painted talons instead of chipped polish, straggly cuticles and dirt under my nails. But upping the frequency of my nail salons visits was a personal choice, not a requirement, and really ultimately silly and totally unnecessary. But a HAND LIFT?! Come. On. Keep reading »
How far are women willing to go for fashion? According to The New York Times, pretty far. The newspaper walks a mile in the shoes of a handful of LA- and NYC-based podiatrists who perform procedures specifically designed to help women fit comfortably into designer heels. What types of surgery are women undergoing for the sake of their Manolo Blahniks? Read more on Newser…
Plastic surgery has grown so extreme, it’s made even routine things like travel difficult. Don’t get me wrong. There’s nothing wrong, in my humble estimation, with getting a little nip or a tuck as the years go by. I haven’t had any plastic surgery, but should I have the money and think it might make me feel better about myself, then I think that should be my prerogative. But there’s a line that just shouldn’t be crossed. Read more on The Stir…
Justin Jedlica, also known as the Human Ken Doll, has a problem with Human Barbie Valeria Lukyanova, who he calls his “arch-nemesis.”
I’m getting a crazy flashback to that time when I was six and made my Barbie kick Ken out of the Dream House.
Jedlica and Lukyanova have met in the past, and Jedlica recently told GQ:
“She’s a cute girl…I don’t really get her. I don’t get why people think she’s so interesting. She has extensions. She wears stage makeup. She’s an illusionist…Unlike me, who has spent nearly $150,000 permanently transforming myself into a human Ken doll, Valeria just plays dress up. But as soon as you wipe away all that makeup, she’s just a plain Jane and there’s absolutely nothing special about her.”
Keep reading »
I honestly can’t decide if this is outrageous, maddening, just plain sad, or a combination of all three. A mom was so unsatisfied with her post-baby appearance that she spent $25,000 on plastic surgery to look like Jennifer Lawrence – and wait until you hear just how much work it took for her to achieve that result. Learn more on The Stir…