Apparently, there’s a big debate going on in THE WORLD about the state of Coco’s caboose. Put your mind at ease. She insists her ass is 100 percent real. It’s just gotten bigger because she has hit the ripe old age of 32 and she’s getting bigger in all the right places. Lucky her. Her ass realness is confirmed by the official “Doctors” jiggle test (a thinly veiled excuse for everyone to stare at her ass). I can’t believe Tyra Banks didn’t think of the jiggle test first. I guess she was too busy tooching.
So that settles it. Coco’s butt is real because it’s jiggly like her breast implants and not hard like those weird, silicone butt implants and because it has its own personality. But before large booties were the big thing in Hollywood, Coco suffered with that behind of hers. People called her fat. Her own grandmother tried to smother that thing by putting a girdle on her when she was only nine years old. If only granny could see her now. [WOW]
File under: total nightmares. [ONTD]
In my most solitary personal moments, there is nothing I like better than to watch “Jersey Shore” with my pants off and my mouth dumbly ajar, spooning with a bag of Lay’s. That shit fascinates me. My many private observatory hours of guilty pleasure screening have naturally led me to pick favorite cast members, episodes, couples, and fights, which is the hallmark of reality TV, no? Its very core intention is to make you invest time and energy into watching and thinking about these characters, who are actually real people, and that in and of itself is stranger than any fiction.
Anyway, whatever — my fave is the artist formerly known as Jenni Farley. JWoww has a sensitivity and lucidity to her that that the other housemates lack, and I was actually pleasantly surprised by how intelligent she seemed to be at many intervals. I also thought in the first couple of seasons that she was so naturally pretty, but things only got weirder and weirder from there. Why won’t this (no longer) perfectly good-looking girl stop messing with her face? Is it insecurity? Does she actually think she looks … better? Case in point: here she is, being the case study in how not to wear makeup, and what plastic surgery not to get. I’m sorry, but this is straight-up sad.
Not that I really care either way, but let’s say that Zooey Deschanel did get some kind of nose job, she’ll probably blame it on her deviated septum. It is the Hollywood way. Whenever a celeb gets a nose job, but doesn’t want to admit to have working done for the sake of having work done, this seems to be the reason. Yes, this is a legitimate medical condition. It basically means that the bottom, middle cartilage part of your nose (proper name: septum) is off-center, causing your nostrils to be different sizes.
My septum is deviated. Actually, yours probably is too. Stats say that about 80 percent of the population have deviated septums. It’s usually not serious. And if you have one, life will go on without you ever noticing it except maybe when you have a cold. In more extreme cases, it can inhibit breathing, cause frequent nosebleeds or chronic sinusitis. But mostly, it’s serves as a thinly veiled excuse to get a rhinoplasty. Click through to see all of famous peeps who attributed their nose jobs to deviated septums.
Listen, I’m just telling you what the whole internet is asking and by that I mean Huffington Post. I am not an expert on nose jobs, but Zooey Deschanel’s beak does look a touch shorter in the right photo (taken at the Teen Choice Awards on Sunday night). Then again, could be lighting and makeup. Perhaps we should ask Siri. [Huffington Post]
File under: Problems we didn’t know we could even have. Because women don’t have enough of a perfection complex in our culture, now comes the latest plastic surgery craze: toe-slimming surgery, for those with toe-bese phalanges. Apparently plastic surgeons are seeing a rise in people requesting toe-shortening and slimming procedures. Surgeon Oliver Zong says the operation was born out of patient requests. But just because you ask, doesn’t mean that a plastic surgeon will perform it. Says Dr. Hillary Brenner, of the American Podiatric Medical Association, “I don’t think it’s ethical unless you’re having pain.” Keep reading »
Bras, braces, makeup are all rites of passage for many teen girls. But if you’re a member of the Marshall family, so are boob jobs.
Britney Marshall, a 14-year-old from Nottinghamshire, England, is the youngest girl of the Marshall family and the only one without breast implants. Her mother, Chantal Marshall, told the Sun, “Britney is going through a funny phase at the moment and saying she doesn’t want to get her boobs done.”
And Marshall really wishes she would, telling the Sun:
“At the moment she doesn’t really have what I would say are boobs — but I’d like her to follow in her sisters’ footsteps… I really love the fake look of my girls and I know Britney will go that way when she’s a bit older.” Read more…
At 79 years old, Joan Rivers has finally decided to embrace her natural beauty. This video is most definitely NSFW, due to a reference to Betty White’s poop. Keepin’ it classy, Joan.
Remember adorable, sassy Lisa Turtle from “Saved By The Bell”? This is what she looks like these days.