Tag Archives: pigeon poop

An Open Letter To The Pigeon Who Pooped On My Head

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Dear Pigeon Who Relieved Itself On My Head,

My scalp is not your toilet! Do you have any idea what it’s like to have have some good morning mojo going, to be steps away from arriving to work ON TIME (I’m not a morning person) only to be shit on by a winged rat? It sucks. I was rounding the corner to my office building, listening to Astral Weeks by Van Morrison, trying to feel a vague sense of well-being and spiritual connectedness when you dropped your load on my head. I prayed that the warm mess in my hair was just a big raindrop. But it was not raining. I put my finger in it and my nightmare came true. I ran into the nearest deli with a shit smear on my finger. I rode the elevator with your pigeon-y poop on my hand. People looked at me. I’m sure they smelled me. Or should I say, YOU. Keep reading »

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