Dear Tori Spelling,
I try to ignore it whenever I see gossip stories about you. Why? Because you’re doin’ you and I’m doin’ me and what you do when you’re doin’ you is none of my biz. Usually this arrangement works just fine for you and me. But then yesterday, I got curious and watched a Vine video you posted on Twitter titled “This is how we sleep.”
It was a clever caption. It would engage even the most disinterested web surfer such as myself. I wish I never clicked on it. It made me feel deeply uncomfie, first and foremost, because I don’t want to see your husband naked in bed making sexy eyes at you. Ick. Weird. Then it pans to your sleeping dog and kids. Ok. Whatever. A lot of peeps sleep with their dogs and kids. I’m not judging.
The thing that made me regret watching your vid was the FUCKING CHICKEN IN YOUR BED. Tori, No. I know that you’ve been a celebrity your whole life, and you grew up with a warped sense of reality, but you must know that having a chicken in your bed is FUCKING GROSS. Keep reading »
A lot of people think of acts of romance as being gender-specific. Men should bring home bouquets of long-stemmed roses and women should wear naughty lingerie to keep the fire burning in their relationships. The problem with this kind of thinking is that it perpetuates false gender roles and actually misleads people into following a set of rigid sex-centric guidelines that ends up hurting the relationship — and disregards your uniqueness as a couple. I have a solution. (And I’d love to have you join me on the Love On Purpose Revolution Telesummit, where you can hear top relationship experts like me share our best strategies for creating love on purpose in your life!)
So here’s my secret technique: consider romance from the perspective of a cat or a dog. Read more on Your Tango…
This is Colonel Mustard. He’s often the first thing I see in the morning and the last thing I see at night. In the evening, he likes to sit on my chest while I’m in bed and trying to read a book. He’ll swat at the pages until I pet him, and when I do, he purrs like a lawn mower tearing down some tall grass. In the morning, he follows me into the bathroom and talks to me while I’m trying to brush my teeth. He is a small, furry, very demanding child.
I have had Mustard — he also goes by Moo Moo, Moutard, The Colonel, The Kern-Dog and Dijonaisse (when he’s feeling saucy) — for going on three years. He was a rescue that I took on as a foster, but when I saw his huge paws — he’s got 7 toes on each front paw and six on the back — I knew I had to keep him. He sheds a lot, and twice yearly, he gets his bushy Maine Coon fur shaved into a lion cut. He also talks a lot. Like, all the time. And when he’s not talking, he’s purring, very loudly. It is crazy. Keep reading »
Well, what do we have here? Allow me to introduce you to Banana Joe, this year’s Westminster Kennel Club Best in Show. The five-year-old Affenpinscher snagged the trophy over the crowd favorite, an English sheepdog named Swagger. Best in Show judge Michael Dougherty said of the upset, “This little fella seemed to want it a touch more. He’s a fantastic Affenpinscher, with a fantastic face, a great body.” That he is! (I nominated him for today’s Hump Day Hottie, but as you can imagine, I was overruled.) My favorite thing about Joey (that’s what his handler calls him) is his little tongue, which lives outside of his mouth. So darling. A few more gloriously time-wasting photos of the Westminster winner, after the jump! Keep reading »
No boyfriend? No problem. All you really need to celebrate this tres romantic Hallmark holiday is a feline friend or two. Just ask this gentleman, who spends much of his free time serenading his cat with Seal’s classic love song “Kiss From A Rose.” No shame in that, guy! If all else fails, and your cat just isn’t satisfying your emotional needs, why not browse the Purrsonals to see if you can find a mate for life? Just make sure your cat approves first. There is such a thing as emotional cheating. And listen, things could be worse; you could be Henri. Here are five things I’ll be doing with my cats this Valentine’s Day — I urge you to follow my lead and take your meow machines out to a beautiful candlelit dinner. They sure deserve it for putting up with your shit. Keep reading »
Daniel Keeton works at a central Oregon brewery and didn’t want his dog Lola Jane to miss out on all the fun, so he created Dawg Grog, a non-alcoholic “beer” especially for dogs, made from malted barley water, liquid glucosamine, and organic vegetable broth. Lola Jane turned out to be a bit of a Grog-aholic, licking the bowl clean at every opportunity. When Keeton decided to bottle up his beverage and sell it to other thirsty canines, a thriving business was born.
Now that dogs can safely and easily drink “beer” with their owners, I got to thinking about all the other ways people can give their pets a more authentic human lifestyle. From dog weddings to luxury pet massages to paw manicures, read on to get the scoop on all the weird ways to treat your dog like a human…