I want a dog. Badly. But unfortunately, living in Manhattan with roommates is not exactly conducive to housing puppies. The Limited is making it really hard for me to stray from adopting a little pet of my own, as they’ve launched a brand new line of sweaters for man (and woman’s) best friend. Along with the precious teeny clothes is a genius social marketing campaign: upload photos and all the details about your pet’s name to the “Fabulous Pet Names” contest for a chance to win prizes, including a photo-shoot with your beloved pup or a new iPod. At the very least, the site provides a great procrastination (or inspiration) tool, since you can browse everyone who has entered. Maybe I’ll finally figure out the name of my currently non-existent doggie? [The Limited]

OK, the cat doesn’t hold the chopsticks, the owner does, but still! This is, like, the cutest thing I’ve seen since the last time I saw a cute thing on the internet. I like the crazy hair growing out its ears, its eager eating method, and its tiny little begging paws. Apparently, this is some sort of kitty training technique. Watch the cats bang out a spooky tune here! OK, I just went into cute overload. [URL]

As I’ve already mentioned, my dog Lucca got herself a nasty case of abscessed anal glands the other week, which resulted in her getting them drained surgically. She had to take these big ol’ horse pills twice a day for a week and rather than chasing her around the apartment, dropping the pill down her throat and holding her snout closed until she swallowed, she ate them happily. How? I hid one in a big ol’ ball of peanut butter. Cream cheese works too.

Painter Valerie Leonard is the Annie Leibovitz of pet portraits—without the mounting debt and camera, that is. Valerie’s “process” is an insanely involved one: She devotes days to each portrait, studies images of a particular animal, researches traits and characteristics of specific breeds. Then, she researches classic artists for the most fitting painting, using the client’s direction as a guide. And once chosen, she merges the animal image with the human form. In the final product, the animal features and background are often cobbled together from a composite of different images. Wondering what that looks like? Check out the dogs above, and a bunch more of her images, after the jump!

These adorable little micro-piglets are bred to stay as tiny as possible for their entire lives. They are the newest pet of choice in England because they’re insanely cute, very affectionate, and as low-maintenance as cats. I want 20 of them. In my one-bedroom apartment. And no, I won’t name them all Wilbur. [CNN]

There are special people out there in America who want to fill a parental void but don’t actually want any children. Instead of adopting a traditional pet like a dog, cat, or goldfish, these people spend as much as $5,000 to adopt a monkey, often a capuchin monkey that can grow up to 22 inches and 9 pounds. The monkeys are basically toddlers that will never grow up. An estimated 15,000 monkeys live as surrogate children within American families. TLC is currently featuring some of these families on “My Baby Monkey,” which originally aired in Britain. (You can watch videos here.)

Many of the “parents” were empty nesters before adopting their monkeys, or they had experienced troubling childhoods and didn’t want children of their own. Now, these people don’t treat their monkey children, which are sometimes referred to as monkids, like pets. Instead, the monkeys are allowed to eat at the dinner table, wear makeup and designer clothes, have their own decorated bedrooms, and get transported around in baby carriages.

It’s quite possible the internet has finally gone too far.

While social media is taking over the fashion industry—D&G provided bloggers with their very own laptops in the front row—now it seems that dog and cat lovers have their own community as well. Fooniverse.com is a new social networking site for obsessed pet owners where you pick a preferred animal and then proceed to dress it, style its hair, have it strut down a runway, and have a photo shoot. There are prizes for the quickest blow-dry at the grooming salon, a special Foo currency, plus all the precious pics from that photo shoot can be saved to slip into your wallet for showing off like a proud parent. Yikes.

Of course, everything translates to Facebook. So now each and everyone one of your friends will find out through their news feed how your virtual pet fared on the catwalk. It’s like Tamagachi, but way, way overblown.

I admit it: I’m about four whiskers shy of being a full-on crazy cat lady. I have two cats of my own and would happily adopt more if my poor husband didn’t have mild allergies. I even promised in my wedding vows that I’d never bring home a third kitten, but that doesn’t stop me from cooing at cats I see in apartment windows, on the TV, and in pet carriers on the subway, presumably on their way to the vet. My mother gets me a kitten calendar every Christmas and each month I look forward to flipping the page to a new picture of adorable kitties sleeping in men’s dress shoes or napping in a mini hammock. All this is to say that when I saw this heated cat blanket, a “luxurious silky plush cover” that heats to 102°F, I knew exactly what I was getting my Miles and Simone for Christmas this year! OK, fine, so maybe I’m only one whisker shy of full-on crazy cat lady. [$79.99, Doctors Foster and Smith] [via Outblush]

Apparently, Aubrey O’Day is a big fan of using her doggie Ginger as an accessory. She’s moved on from cutesy costumes, and is now all about dying her pup’s fur wild colors. “[Ginger] likes to have looks,” O’Day says. “It actually seems like such a taboo weird thing, but if you research online, you will see a whole underworld of dogs who are dyed. She sits on my lap, and I have a brush, and I paint it on and use foils.” She picked the green and orange colors on the left because, supposedly, Ginger loves the Boston Celtics. So which of these dog looks is the most dignified—the sports enthusiast on the left, the pink ears in the middle, or the crab costume on the right? Would you ever do any of these things to your dog? [Us Weekly]

Some folks are too fashionable to clean up after their dogs, even if they use stylish Poupou Royal bags. So we’re sure the PooTrap will be on everyone’s shopping wish list. It’s too bad their dogs probably won’t like wearing the PooTrap contraption that attaches to their tails. However, the makers of PooTrap have some wise advice for dog owners who may be apprehensive about the device:

“As you know there are many things dogs do not like such as showers, grooming, eating dry food. However, when they are used to all these things, they will be excited about it. According to our statistics, 98% of dogs will be used to ‘PooTrap’ after trying it for three days. Again they will be excited to see ‘PooTrap’ on them because this means that their owner is going to walk them out again.”

Oh, well then. [Impact Lab]

I mean, it was only a matter of time. Amelia spotted this “Snuggie For Dogs,” and the best thing about the infomercial (after the jump, as the video auto plays) is not only the prize-winning script, but also the fact that it is REAL. The sales pitch is so similar to the human Snuggie ad copy that it’s scary. Just like the argument that your hands will freeze and fall off lest you take them out of your boring old sleeveless blanket to reach for the remote, your dog needs a Snuggie because, let’s face it, he “needs to go out, but it’s a cold night. A pet sweater could help, but they pull and they’re tight!” So true, so true. Then again, we might just buy one for the free gift with purchase: a dog tag that “speaks” for your pet. We’re dreaming of recording ones in the voices that our dogs actually speak in. In our own heads. You guys do that with your pets, right? Right? [Snuggie For Dogs]

We’re written about dog sex toys before and didn’t think we’d ever have the opportunity to write about them again, but, well, SURPRISE! The thing about this particular doggy sex doll, made by Brazilian pet toy company Petsmiling, is that it’s, uh, anatomically correct. The doll is described by the company as “a female canine manufactured in soft rubber with a silicone vagina and an easy to clean reservoir.” Two thoughts. 1) How sexist! Where is the boy version? 2) Not even the most insane pet lover like myself would be cool with cleaning out that “reservoir.” They should really make one that is dishwasher safe, amiright?! [Paw Prints Magazine via BuzzFeed]

Cotton is a white poofball, an American Eskimo dog with perky eras and a long, lolling tongue. But underneath her cuddly exterior masked a mouthful of sharp teeth. Small-child-shredding, lawsuit-spurring sharp teeth.

Cotton’s owners tried all kinds of things to stop him from biting: a muzzle, puppy classes, books, videos, a dog aggression expert, a low protein diet and even an herbal remedy. They even tried less, uh, kind routes, like pepper spray and empty soda cans filled with rocks. (Jeez.) But nothing makes Cotton chill out.

So Cotton’s owners, the Krieger family, did something unusual. They had a doggie dentist zap away four millimeters of the pooch’s teeth using a laser.

When it comes to buying things for their pets, for some (lucky) folks it’s all recession, what? Just when we thought a dog flying via private jet was the apex of crazy pet services, the newest ridiculousness that’s been born into the pampered pooch universe: Dog tanning booths. Well, sort of. They’re called Fauna Saunas and the company claims the heated spa beds are “radiant heat-enhanced.” Essentially, they emit “far infrared” warmth, which feels to a dog (or cat) like they’re basking in sunlight. Wait ... most people do have a home or apartment with windows where sun streams through, right? This makes us wonder where you need to draw the line.

Cats have learned how to control us humans with their weird little sounds. Felines use a purr-cry, a high-pitched meow and purr combo, to make their owners feed them. Cats are artfully straddling the line between meowing—which is annoying—and purring, which we usually think means they are satisfied. The purr-cry is difficult to ignore and appeals to humans’ nurturing and sensitive nature. Worse still, once cats realize this werido noise works, they learn to exaggerate it. Be strong, cat owners! Don’t let these furry, little critters push you around. But now it makes so much sense why it’s so easy to become a cat lady. [Yahoo]

Some people’s pets are like kids to them…and any parent would go nuts if you put their kid in the cargo hold. That’s why Pet Airways will fly your furry friend to your desired destination on their own fleet of planes on pets-only flights.

Pet Airways only flies to five cities in the U.S. and charges a flat, one-way fee of $250. But pet owners interviewed by the AP say the cost is worth the piece of mind knowing their basset hound or tabby cat will be escorted onto the flight along with about 50 other pets, checked on every 15 minutes during the flight, and given a bathroom break on the layover. Flights are already booked up for two months! Is it just me, or does this business idea sound like the really bad plot of a kids’ movie? [Or my dream job.—Editor] [AP]

Miss Ellie, a blind 15-year-old Chinese Crested Hairless, won the pedigree class at this year’s World’s Ugliest Dog Contest at the Sonoma-Marin Fair in Petaluma, CA. She certainly deserved that recognition, but she proves love is blind, beauty is in the eye of the beholder, and any other adage that’s appropriate here. Would you adopt an ugly pet? [6/26/09]

A fancy feline is the height of sophistication when entertaining, which is whey we’re bummed these purr-ty ties for cats have sold out on Etsy.

“This kitty does NOT look happy,” our sister wrote in an email. That’s because the tie isn’t tied in a proper Windsor knot. Duh.

With pet owners, there’s a fine line between sweet and just plain looney tunes. I gotta put this British woman in the later category—she has a pet hippo. Who lives in her house. And puts its head in her lap. And can open locked doors. And breaks lots of things, including beds. I also imagine that her home can’t smell very good? All that said, hippo Jessica is kinda cute.