Why hello there, Pete Wentz, glad you’re here. We have something rather important to discuss with you. It has come to our attention that you’re wearing far too much makeup, even if your intention was to make it “pop” on the red carpet. In fact, we’ve tolerated your guyliner ways for a long time now, but when you show up to the party wearing more paint than your girl and your name is not David Bowie, then that’s when you know you need to shut it down, my friend. The heavy pancake foundation (in the wrong shade for your skin tone we might add), the extravagant eye makeup, the shimmery lip gloss—it’s all too much to take in. Now go get yourself some industrial-strength makeup remover and get the hell out of here.

Pete Wentz got drunk last night, made a “gentleman’s bet” with his friend Gabriel Saporta (of Cobra Starship), lost, and then paid up, in the form of a TATTOO OF SAPORTA’S FACE on his arm leg. [DListed]

Despite having two turds for parents, lil’ Bronx Mowgli Simpson-Wentz is awfully cute. [A Time For Heroes Celebrity Carnival, Los Angeles, 6/7/09]

With the passing of Proposition 8, 2008 has left a bad taste in a lot of our mouths.  But it would be sad to let a year full of PR triumphs for one of the hardest working and most outspoken communities slip by without acknowledging all the honors and milestones that have been achieved! So, forget the h8terade, from the death of “don’t ask, don’t tell” to the first openly gay prime time news anchor, there were a lot of wins to be proud of—just take a look at the long list of Great Gay Headlines In 2008!

Everyone’s favorite wife banger, Pete Wentz, and his lovely spouse, Ashlee Simpson, are going to be on an upcoming episode of “The Dog Whisperer.” It’s clear from the preview above, taped before Bronx Mowgli’s arrival, that Ashlee is way worried that their bulldog Hemingway is going to hump her new baby to death. Will Cesar Millan’s techniques (which consist of making sounds like “psst!”, poking pups in the ribs, and teaching them to run on a treadmill) work so that the Simpson-Wentz family doesn’t have to send Hemingway away? Let’s hope! If not, I will take the little bugger. He’s cute.

“It was the single best sexual encounter I’ve ever had. We were in the Soho Grand Hotel, and there was a mirror, and I was like, ‘Oh my God, you’re banging the girl of your dreams and you’re watching it right now.’”—Pete Wentz on Howard Stern’s radio show

I’m still laughing about little Bronx Mowgli Simpson-Wentz. It made me wonder what delightful combination of NYC Neighborhood and Disney Character Ashlee and Pete would name ME if I was lucky enough to be their spawn? So I created a baby name generator! Check it out here and then come back and put in the comments what YOUR Simpson-Wentz baby name would be! For the record, you can start calling me Staten Island Aurora, bitches. [Simpson-Wentz Baby Name Generator]