Premenstrual syndrome (PMS) is a combination of physical and emotional symptoms including bloating, cramps, headache, and mood swings that occurs consistently during the ten days prior to the start of menstrual flow and vanishes either shortly before or shortly thereafter. In other words, it’s what I like to call Hell Week, and that’s a drastic understatement.
In addition to the aforementioned typical symptoms, I also experience extreme fatigue, intense food cravings, insatiable hunger, unpredictable bouts of crying, and sporadic emotional meltdowns that often result in reevaluation of every major and minor life decision I’ve ever made. As I sit on the couch drowning Oreos in gallons of milk and contemplating joining the Peace Corps, it’s hard to remember these symptoms are just temporary. One Hell Week left me with a visceral hatred for my husband after he flushed my Oreos down the toilet. In retrospect, I can’t blame him. He watched in absolute horror and disgust as I shoved whole cookies, two at a time, into my mouth leaving crumbs all over my face and chest in a futile attempt to eat my fabricated pain away. He likened me to a crack fiend, so flushing the cookies down the toilet was probably a necessary intervention. Keep reading »
Dear My Period On The Occasion Of Coming Early,
You’ve been arriving like clockwork for 15 years. I was never a woman that had a problem with you coming a few days late. You always showed the telltale signs: I’d feel bloated, I’d want to eat junk, and I’d be weepy. But I didn’t put the pieces together last week, when the following incidents occurred:
- All I wanted to listen to on Spotify were Disney songs.
- I only wanted to eat potato chips and onion dip for dinner on Wednesday night …
- … and then I randomly got super-horny afterwards.
- On Thursday, I started crying in the office, which I have never, ever done before …
- … and then I felt so bloated and puffy in my stockings that Ami had to snip the elastic on top for me.
But Friday morning when I woke up and saw you ruined a pair of panties in the night, I finally understood: you came early. YOU BASTARD. Keep reading »
Last week, British dude Richard Neill had his mind blown when he realized that maxi pad commercials do not tell the truth: “As a child I watched your advertisements with interest as to how at this wonderful time of the month the female gets to enjoy so many things, I felt a little jealous,” he wrote on the Facebook page for Bodyform Maxi Pads. “I mean, bike riding, rollercoasters, dancing, parachuting, why couldn’t I get to enjoy this time of joy and ‘blue water’ and wings?”
Now in a genius move, Bodyform has responded to Richard with a message from their (fake) CEO and it’s very well done. Good call on that blue water. [YouTube]
If maxipad and tampon ads were honest, women would be crying over cotton commercials in their loosest sweatpants while shoveling spoonfuls of Breyer’s into their mouths. [Can I just say that I'm not like this when I'm on my period? Maybe it's because I'm on the pill. --Editor] Instead, commercials make Aunt Flo look like all yoga classes, all the time. British dude Richard Neill just couldn’t take it anymore. He penned a (joking) rant on the Facebook page of Bodyform Maxi Pads about the lack of interest his “lady” has in extreme sports during her special time of the month and it’s gone viral with tens of thousands of “likes” (surely by other disillusioned menfolk). If Bodyform or any other period product company would like help depicting how women really are on their period, I am available but payment will be required in chocolate. [Mashable]
I don’t know about you, but I hardly ever have a spare tampon around. Actually, I always seem to be running out of them. If by some miracle you have tons of tampons laying around and you’re looking for an egregious way to waste them, here are some ideas courtesy of a website dedicated entirely to Tampon Crafts. Yes, tampon crafting is a thing that really exists.
This Halloween, you may want to consider making your decorations out of tampons. Try to control your blood-curdling scream when you behold this terrifying tampon ghost. BOO!
Click through for more tampon craft projects perfect for any time of the month … or year.
Ahoy matey! It’s that time of the month. Why not celebrate it by putting this hunky pirate cloth pad in your undies and letting him guard your hidden treasure? Or not. Believe it or not, there’s more swashbuckling menstruation products sailing the crimson seas of Etsy. Click on through to see more WTF period products that make us want to walk the plank. [$9 Etsy via Buzzfeed]