For a variety of totally valid reasons — cramps, bloating, stained underwear, fear of attracting sharks — periods have a pretty bad reputation. Ladies, I hear your exasperated signs upon pulling down your pants to pee and realizing your new pair of sexy panties must be thrown away; I know how it feels to have a field trip to Disneyland totally ruined because your lower abdomen feels like it’s being stabbed with a hot knife; and I, too, have calculated just how many pairs of shoes could have been purchased with the amount of money spent on tampons in my life thus far. But! Periods are not all bad. In fact, there are nine just as valid reasons to rejoice in your moon cycle. Here’s why I’m psyched to still be surfing the crimson wave… Keep reading »
“Tampon Vs. Moon Cup Rap Battle” just might be the most clever advertising I’ve ever seen about periods (not that that’s saying much, as the bar is set rather low). Props to the Moon Cup people for realizing that some people just think they’re a bunch of gross, weird, period blood-collecting hippies. They kinda are, but Moon Cups are way better for environment and vaginal dryness! I think I learned more about how my vagina works from this video than in years of health class. [YouTube]
When I got my period for the first time, I cried. Hard. Just a few months before, while waiting to board to the bus to head to camp for a week, I saw a girl from my class bawling her eyes out. “What’s wrong with Becky?” I asked one of my friends.
“She got her period,” my friend replied solemnly. “She has cramps. And she doesn’t want to deal with wearing pads all week.” Keep reading »
I used to be really kind of scared of my vagina. I got my period when I was 12 but didn’t start using tampons until I was a senior in high school. Tampons looked like they would hurt and I was not interested in my vagina causing me more pain than it already did. I finally faced my fear when I just couldn’t deal with the diaper look of pads for a second longer. Even then, I would only use tampons with applicators, none of that o.b. crap, because I wasn’t about to get all up in there, you know? Though I’d been masturbating since I was 12, I always did it over my underwear and I didn’t lose my virginity until I was almost 21. Basically, my vagina intimidated me for a very, very long time.
So it’s been with some level of that same intimidation that I’ve initially recoiled at the thought of using a Diva Cup. For those who are unfamiliar, allow me to explain. The Diva Cup is a reusable menstrual cup that a gal uses instead of a tampon or pad. It is inserted inside the vagina and catches your menstrual flow. It can be worn for up to 12 hours. Once removed, you clean it and then reinsert. Green-minded women love it for its low impact on the environment, while budget conscious ladies never have to buy tampons again. Keep reading »
Premenstrual syndrome (PMS) is a combination of physical and emotional symptoms including bloating, cramps, headache, and mood swings that occurs consistently during the ten days prior to the start of menstrual flow and vanishes either shortly before or shortly thereafter. In other words, it’s what I like to call Hell Week, and that’s a drastic understatement.
In addition to the aforementioned typical symptoms, I also experience extreme fatigue, intense food cravings, insatiable hunger, unpredictable bouts of crying, and sporadic emotional meltdowns that often result in reevaluation of every major and minor life decision I’ve ever made. As I sit on the couch drowning Oreos in gallons of milk and contemplating joining the Peace Corps, it’s hard to remember these symptoms are just temporary. One Hell Week left me with a visceral hatred for my husband after he flushed my Oreos down the toilet. In retrospect, I can’t blame him. He watched in absolute horror and disgust as I shoved whole cookies, two at a time, into my mouth leaving crumbs all over my face and chest in a futile attempt to eat my fabricated pain away. He likened me to a crack fiend, so flushing the cookies down the toilet was probably a necessary intervention. Keep reading »
Dear My Period On The Occasion Of Coming Early,
You’ve been arriving like clockwork for 15 years. I was never a woman that had a problem with you coming a few days late. You always showed the telltale signs: I’d feel bloated, I’d want to eat junk, and I’d be weepy. But I didn’t put the pieces together last week, when the following incidents occurred:
- All I wanted to listen to on Spotify were Disney songs.
- I only wanted to eat potato chips and onion dip for dinner on Wednesday night …
- … and then I randomly got super-horny afterwards.
- On Thursday, I started crying in the office, which I have never, ever done before …
- … and then I felt so bloated and puffy in my stockings that Ami had to snip the elastic on top for me.
But Friday morning when I woke up and saw you ruined a pair of panties in the night, I finally understood: you came early. YOU BASTARD. Keep reading »