Every woman’s got ‘em: the panties ruined by Nature’s special, beautiful, magical gift to your ladyparts. You might be thrilled that Bingo’s tadpoles didn’t penetrate the love glove, but that still doesn’t mean you aren’t pissed your white, lacy Victoria’s Secret thong looks like a Jackson Pollack painting.
Typically, girls wear sexy underwear at all times because, even if we know no one is going to see them, we just feel better about ourselves when we know we look pretty underneath. But the three to seven days of the month when all we do is cry and eat Cherry Garcia is an exception! Whether they were formerly cute panties sneak attacked by Aunt Flo or nasty knickers you bought just to stain, here are the five types of period panties every woman’s got: Keep reading »
Gather round, girls, let me tell you a story. Before the late-’70s, when Aunt Flo came to visit, women would have to wear contraptions called sanitary belts. They were diaper-like and came all the way up to an elastic waistband. Oh, the horror! Needless to say, when adhesive-back pads and tampons came around, no one was bummed to throw their crazy-ass period belt in the trash. But now, over 30 years later, someone is trying to resurrect the old time-y sanitary contraptions, and in white no less. Seller Elsayx has posted them for the buy-it-now price of $18.90. And they also come in men’s styles too — for that menstruating man in your life? Oy. [Trend De La Crème]
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Need protection? Why not try a tampon stun gun? This genius new invention, The Pink Stinger, packs 50,000 volts of power for “incredible comfort and protection and ready for honorable discharge at a moments notice.” To shoot intended target from 7 to 10 feet away, just put The Pink Stinger in Zap mode and two extra absorbent cotton tampons with barbed probes and 14 feet of wire will shoot out. An electric current then passes to the body, where the probes attach to the clothing or skin, causing central nervous system disruption, possible urination and certain humiliation. Talk about toxic shock. [InventorSpot] Keep reading »
Ladies, we now have one more thing we can blame on hormones emitted during our menstrual cycle —
slutty sexy clothing choices. A new study from the University of Minnesota Carlson School of Management finds that during ovulation, women “dress to impress” and buy sexier clothing. Apparently, it’s an unconscious choice, but we are trying to look sexier than other nearby women so that men will notice us. Finally, an explanation for why I bought that embarrassingly tight, skanky jersey dress from American Apparel and why it seems like a good idea to wear it about once a month.
How did the researchers discover this? Keep reading »
While normally I’d say I feel something akin to dipping the world in sprinkles and fluffy bunny tails, today I’m all grrrrrrr! If my attitude could morph into a shape to personify its feelings, it would be a robot with metal teeth that snorts fire at a monster truck rally. I’d crush puny cars, breathe kerosene, and charge admission! OK, clearly I can explain this shift in my personality with one acronym: PMS. Look out, kiddies, because I am about to surf the crimson wave, and until then, it’s not going to be pretty. It’s not my fault, but in the interest of fair warning, I may feel entitled to these following behaviors — and so should you!
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You turn on The Weather Channel for tornado warnings. You turn on the local radio for flood warnings. But what about those, um, natural disasters a little closer to home? Meet a new iPhone app — purportedly just for men — called Code Red: A Survival Guide To Her Monthly Cycle. Yes, boys, you can pay $1.99 to be alerted on your smart phone the exact days of the month your lady’s egg drops down her fallopian tubes. Keep reading »
In a feat of alliteration, Kris, Khloe and Kim Kardashian are now shilling for Kotex! In a video posted on Khloe’s blog, the telegenic fam feigns interest in boxes of Kotex tampons that just happen to be lying around their kitchen counters. “They like to empower women and get a dialogue going!” says Mom Kris Jenner. Then we hear all about the very special moments when each Kardashian became a woman …
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Earlier this week Kotex released sassy new commercials advertising its pads and tampons — but advertising agency JWT butted heads with three broadcast TV stations that wouldn’t let them say a very naughty, shameful word.
Yes, even though your grandma has seen “The Vagina Monologues,” when it comes to your secret special lady place, TV prefers feminine hygiene commercials use a cutesy euphemism like “down there” instead of saying “vagina.” (And two networks weren’t keen to air an ad referring to a lady’s “down there,” either.) Keep reading »
I couldn’t care less about Apple‘s BIG! EXCITING! ANNOUNCEMENT! today, since I can still barely operate my iPhone. But it has come to my attention that Apple’s new gadget’s name — the iPad — is the most period-y sounding product name in history. (All right, maybe not as period-y as the iTampon. Don’t give them any ideas!) To 50 percent of the population, a pad is something you stick in your panties and bleed over before you toss it in the trash. In reaction, Twitter is abuzz with cracks about the iPad’s name, including my fave, “I hope the iPad has wings for extra nighttime protection.” Women who work at Apple, couldn’t you have talked Steve Jobs out of this grave sanitary napkin error? [CNN] Keep reading »