Thank. GOD. Where have you been? I have been waiting for the longest time to see you again, and I don’t know what you were doing or where you were at, but I am so so very glad you’re back.
Two months. Is there any good reason you were gone for two months? Your return has been sheepish; I sense that you were away for a good reason, but alas, your elusive nature guarantees that I’l never know why. I’m not sure what I did to make you leave for so long, but let me tell you, I am so relieved — and happy! — to see you again. Keep reading »
I used to be really kind of scared of my vagina. I got my period when I was 12 but didn’t start using tampons until I was a senior in high school. Tampons looked like they would hurt and I was not interested in my vagina causing me more pain than it already did. I finally faced my fear when I just couldn’t deal with the diaper look of pads for a second longer. Even then, I would only use tampons with applicators, none of that o.b. crap, because I wasn’t about to get all up in there, you know? Though I’d been masturbating since I was 12, I always did it over my underwear and I didn’t lose my virginity until I was almost 21. Basically, my vagina intimidated me for a very, very long time.
So it’s been with some level of that same intimidation that I’ve initially recoiled at the thought of using a Diva Cup. For those who are unfamiliar, allow me to explain. The Diva Cup is a reusable menstrual cup that a gal uses instead of a tampon or pad. It is inserted inside the vagina and catches your menstrual flow. It can be worn for up to 12 hours. Once removed, you clean it and then reinsert. Green-minded women love it for its low impact on the environment, while budget conscious ladies never have to buy tampons again. Keep reading »
Premenstrual syndrome (PMS) is a combination of physical and emotional symptoms including bloating, cramps, headache, and mood swings that occurs consistently during the ten days prior to the start of menstrual flow and vanishes either shortly before or shortly thereafter. In other words, it’s what I like to call Hell Week, and that’s a drastic understatement.
In addition to the aforementioned typical symptoms, I also experience extreme fatigue, intense food cravings, insatiable hunger, unpredictable bouts of crying, and sporadic emotional meltdowns that often result in reevaluation of every major and minor life decision I’ve ever made. As I sit on the couch drowning Oreos in gallons of milk and contemplating joining the Peace Corps, it’s hard to remember these symptoms are just temporary. One Hell Week left me with a visceral hatred for my husband after he flushed my Oreos down the toilet. In retrospect, I can’t blame him. He watched in absolute horror and disgust as I shoved whole cookies, two at a time, into my mouth leaving crumbs all over my face and chest in a futile attempt to eat my fabricated pain away. He likened me to a crack fiend, so flushing the cookies down the toilet was probably a necessary intervention. Keep reading »
I’ve never been camping with my period. Actually, I’ve never been camping. But if I ever do go camping AND happen to have my period, I will indeed fling my used tampons on my fellow campers to level the playing field. It would not be fair if I was the only camper lucky enough to get mounted by a wolf penis. [The Yahoo Answers]
When pop culture depicts transgender people, they usually do it in such a facepalm way that I wonder why anyone bothers anymore. The latest what-were-you-thinking? comes courtesy of Libra tampons in New Zealand, which aired a commercial that implies trans folks who dress as women are not “real women.” The commercial shows an ostensibly “real” woman standing next to a trans person in the bathroom, who I guess is a drag queen. They both put on their lip gloss and mascara and adjust their boobs in their tight party dress. Then the “real” woman pulls a tampon out of her purse. The drag queen makes a “hmmph!” face and walks away. Keep reading »
When I got my period for the first time, my mom wanted to throw a party. She had the whole thing planned. There would be a circle of women — many of them her friends, who would talk about womanhood with me, share their womanly wisdom, and tell rousing tales of menstruation. My mom would present me with a special bracelet, ordered from a catalog of all-natural products, that somehow symbolized my transition from girlhood to womanhood. The red beads were supposed to represent my various life-stages. Or congealed menstrual blood, or something.
“Ohgodpleaseno,” I said, when she told me about her plan. Keep reading »
“Can I ask you a question? Who designed your maxi pad
“Patricia Field for Kotex.”
OK, just kidding. This is a conversation that will not actually happen. Patricia Field has leant her name to Kotex, but only to cases that carry feminine hygiene products in and this trippy maxi pad won’t actually be produced. (Besides, she’s a tampon fan anyway.)
Patricia will, however, mentor young designers who want to “ban the bland” and funkify a maxi pad for a Kotex contest. She told Fashionista, “I would put a design element to anything because I don’t want anything around me that’s ugly and boring. Period. Anything I can make beautiful I’ll make beautiful.” Pun, I’m assuming, not intended. [U By Kotex via Fashionista] Keep reading »
Help for men everywhere is finally here! U.K. man, Kari Dorn, invented a PMS alert wristband. After being married for 16 years and hearing his buddies complain about their domestic woes — because a PMSing woman is so, so scary! — Dorn had a brilliant idea for a bracelet that lets men know at what time of the month they should be a wee more sensitive toward their lady friends. His PMS alert wristband uses temperature sensitive technology. Since a woman’s body temperature increases during ovulation and stays that way until right before her period, the bracelet changes color during prime PMS time. So if your man sees a threat level red, he knows to lay low, remember to take out the trash, and go on a chocolate run. Hopefully these bracelets are also stylish … for our sake. [Daily Mail U.K.] Keep reading »
So, yesterday, I ruined what I estimate to be my 57th pair of panties and stained a perfectly good pair of pajama bottoms when my tampon had a major leak. It was not a very sexy moment. But it could have been, if I had only been wearing a pair of Sexy Period panties! These very real, very purchasable undergarments are sold with three absorbent, leak-resistant layers built in, that way, if your ‘pon leaks, the spill will be soaked up by the crotch fabric. No ruined clothing! No public embarrassment! Just a super sexy bloody mess in your pants that’s your little secret. Keep reading »
Every woman’s got ‘em: the panties ruined by Nature’s special, beautiful, magical gift to your ladyparts. You might be thrilled that Bingo’s tadpoles didn’t penetrate the love glove, but that still doesn’t mean you aren’t pissed your white, lacy Victoria’s Secret thong looks like a Jackson Pollack painting.
Typically, girls wear sexy underwear at all times because, even if we know no one is going to see them, we just feel better about ourselves when we know we look pretty underneath. But the three to seven days of the month when all we do is cry and eat Cherry Garcia is an exception! Whether they were formerly cute panties sneak attacked by Aunt Flo or nasty knickers you bought just to stain, here are the five types of period panties every woman’s got: Keep reading »