Really, people? Or maybe I should say really, People? Kidnapped for 18 years, Jaycee Lee Dugard and her two children finally escaped their lives as prisoners of Phillip Garrido this August, much to the joy of the Dugard family. But not two months have passed before Jaycee is on the cover of People magazine.

Jimmy Fallon is going to be so pissed when he sees the newest issue of People magazine. After repeatedly begging asking to hold a reunion on his late night show, the cast of “Saved By The Bell” decided to come together on the cover of People. In all fairness, Mario Lopez confessed that People had the 20th anniversary reunion idea before Jimmy and has worked for over a year putting together a feature deserving of the mega-popular ‘90s sitcom. And really, can you argue with A.C. Slater?

Even though it’s been 20 years since Zack Morris was “Saved By The Bell,” the entire cast looks as happy and oddly fresh-faced as they did back at Bayside High School. Except for everyone’s favorite geek—Screech. No, Dustin Diamond wasn’t late to the shoot. He was asked not to come. [People/NY Daily News]

People‘s Hottest Bachelors issue hits newsstands this Friday, and we’ve got the list. Among the supposedly best looking eligible men in Hollywood are few gentlemen who simply don’t do it for us. The offenders, after the jump.

Today’s New York Times has a story about how Angelina Jolie has been able to manipulate her image over the years. It’s pretty crazy, actually, because it helps explain how the woman was able to go from a crazy, vile-of-blood-wearing actress to a mother of six and a philanthropist.

So, People has spoken, and they’ve chosen “Australia” star Hugh Jackman as 2008’s “Sexiest Man Alive.” Jackman certainly is a hot piece—we like the tan, rugged look he sports in the movie—and he has that magical ability to play fey just as well as he plays macho. The proof is in the “The Boy From Oz.” The rest of the list is equally as smoking, featuring everyone from Blair Underwood to Jon Hamm. Still, if you had the power to vote, who would you have chosen as “Sexiest Man Alive”?

A few photos from the upcoming issue of People, featuring newly married Ellen DeGeneres and Portia de Rossi’s personal wedding album are online at People.com.

I hate to be redundant, but when this dude gets picked as the HOTTEST BACHELOR by People, I need to step in and say something, and of course present their very own grotesque pictorial as evidence of just how not hot he is. The magazine photographed Mario posing in various iconic images, including this one, as the blond boy from Blue Lagoon. Total dry heave moment. Luckily, some good will come out of this: Radar put together a slideshow with Mario transplanted into other iconic images. The laughing that ensued helped control my urge to barf.

Apparently Jessica Simpson and Tony Romo are not too over to freak on the dance floor. [People, 5/21/08]

Newlyweds Mariah Carey and Nick Cannon are on the cover of People this week. “We really do feel we are soulmates,” Carey says. “I never felt a love like this was in the cards for me.” Cannon agrees, saying, “She is beautiful on the outside and 10 times as beautiful on the inside.” Aww. So no pre-nup huh?

“She’s kind of like a super-assistant that you can have sex with.” —Pete Wentz, on his fiancée, Ashlee Simpson (You have to read their conversation, it is amazing—he admits to wearing her pants.) [People]

My dog, Lucca, had to go to the vet today which has got me thinking about what I would do if she didn’t come home—pets are like family and the only thing I love more than her is my fiancé. My mom and brother are third and fourth (sorry, guys!). So aside from contemplating taking a long walk off a short pier, I think I might follow Kimora Lee Simmons lead. Her beloved dog Zoe just died and she’s thinking about having the 18-year old pup’s remains turned into a diamond. Say what? “There is a company that makes diamonds out of your loved ones,” the fabulous Kimora told People. “They make diamonds from a little of the carbon from the ash, so I might do that.” It seems like a better way of keeping your dog with you at all times—after all, my childhood cat, Ribbon, is sitting in a tin in a storage facility somewhere in Southern California. [StarPulse]

Oh John Edwards. If politics was about rugged good looks, a killer smile, and unapologetic sex appeal, you might have won the nation’s heart. But alas, a car salesman’s haircut, a Southern drawl, and a sassy and smart wife were not enough to guarantee you the Democratic nomination for President. With you out of the race, the voting booth will be lacking in some serious mojo on Election Day. But hey, something tells us People magazine might call about a little something called “The Sexiest Man Alive” issue—and that’s something Obama and Romney could never take away from you. [ABC News]