Tag Archives: penises

Dealbreaker: His Penis Made Me Cry

Dealbreaker: Wallet
He forgot his wallet...on purpose. Read More »
Dealbreaker: Chipotle
He took her to Chipotle. Read More »
Dealbreaker: Pimp
He wanted her to be his pimp. Read More »

At the tender age of 19, I had only seen a total of four penises: the guy who got into my bed naked after a rave in high school; my boyfriend who I lost my virginity to senior year; the balding dorm mate who I gave an unfortunate blow job to while a James Bond movie played in the background; the older dude I had casual sex with my entire freshman year and most of my sophomore year of college. I had only slept with two of these penises, but this I assure you, all four were of modest size. (I can say this with confidence now that I’m older and have seen many a dick.)

This is where I was at in my sexual evolution when I started dating William*. He lived in my dorm sophomore year and came over sometimes to hang out and wanted to listen to, of all things, Tori Amos. I know! A 19-year-old boy who likes Tori Amos? William’s admission of Tori Amos fandom made him instantaneously more attractive to me. Not that he wasn’t already attractive. With his bleached-blond hair, piercings and post-punk style, when he leaned over and kissed me as “Pretty Good Year” played on my stereo then leaned over and whispered, “I want to fuck you on my balcony,” I felt something I had never experienced before: raging desire. Keep reading »

What You Need To Know About Penis Snatching

Accused Witch
witch
Accused witch is burned alive. Read More »
Albino Sacrifice
African albino girl sacrificed for magic potion. Read More »

I read the Malleus Maleficarum in college in my Performativity of Witchcraft course. Yes, that course really existed at NYU, and it was fascinating. It was commonplace in Europe in the 15th and 16th century to blame witches for many things, including stealing male genitalia and hiding them in birds’ nests. I read this as a metaphor, of course, for sex and female power. I never believed that that penises could actually be stolen.

However, according to Louisa Lombard of Pacific Standard, genital snatching is a crime on the rise in Central Africa. When traveling through the small town of Tiringoulou in 2010, Lombard encountered men afraid to so much as shake her hand because of two instances of penis snatching. I’m sure you’re wondering, as I was, how a penis can be snatched right out of a man’s pants. Keep reading »

Most Depressing Temp Job Ever Ends With A Man Losing His Penis

What’s worse than working a temp job? Having your penis sliced off while working a temp job. Edgardo Toucet of Florida is suing the staffing company that sent him to work at Future Foam where a peeler machine accidentally took off his penis AND balls. Want more details? I’m sure you do. Keep reading »

Size Matters: Long Penises Vs. Short Penises

GT: Penis Size
Why women should talk more about penis size. Read More »
Bigger Is Not Better
There's nothing wrong with a small penis. Read More »

It’s been brought to our attention that women should be talking more openly about penis size. So, talk openly we shall. We know that when it comes to having good sex, size is not the most important factor. But still, big or small, every size of  dick has it’s unique benefits and drawbacks. After the jump, our fair and honest assessment of being with men with long versus short penises. Keep reading »

Experiment! In Which I Test The Penis Size/Shoe Size Myth On Male Porn Stars

Fave Male Porn Star
Amelia's new favorite male porn star is Manuel Ferrara. Read More »
GT: Penis Size
Why women should talk more about penis size. Read More »

I am a writer.

Having said that, I ask that you bear in mind how broad that category is. I call myself a writer, and so does Philip Roth. So does my personal public enemy #1, a young woman I met in college who writes lip gloss reviews for a living. My point is that being a writer can mean a wide variety of things, and this week, for me, it meant getting in touch with male porn stars. Or rather, trying and mostly failing to get in touch with male porn stars.

The story started as all good stories do: With a penis. Surely you’ve heard the saying that you can judge a penis just by looking at the feet. Well, the other day I was sitting around bored and aimless, trying to decide what to write, when I started thinking about penises. This happens often, but on this specific occasion, the penises I’d started thinking about were The Penises That I Have Known. (I used CAPS just then because when you write about The Penises That You Have Known, it is important to be respectful.) Anyway, there I was thinking about The Penises That I Have Known, and as I continued thinking about them, I wondered if maybe there wasn’t a story there, a story in investigating whether the saying is true.

Alas: Although I could bring to mind the penises, I couldn’t remember the feet. It occurred to me then that thing to do would be to prove/disprove the idea, not with reference to my own experience, but by using male porn stars. Their penises are available to view, of course, so all I’d have to do was find the shoe size. Keep reading »

Today In Terribleness: Mom Murders Son Because Of “Small Penis”

Rape Victim Suicide
water cannon india
A 17-year-old Indian gang rape victim committed suicide. Read More »
WTF: Dreadlock Murder
This man tried to strangle his gf with his dreadlocks. Read More »
Killed For Baby Girl
baby girl photo
An Afghan woman was killed for bearing a baby girl. Read More »

A mother in Indonesia confessed to murdering her son because she was concerned that his “small penis” would ruin his future prospects. The 38-year-old drowned the boy in the bathtub, dressed him, laid him on a bed, and went to the authorities to report her crime. She told police that the boy always had a small penis but it “appeared to shrink further” after he was circumcised. The woman is currently undergoing psychological evaluation.

I think I’ll need to undergo a psych eval too after reading this story. Please tell me what’s wrong with people? This is an absolute tragedy. [Raw Story]

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