Tag Archives: penises

Size Queen Gardner Disappointed By This Strawberry Schlong

When Carole Collen of England found this rare, penis-shaped strawberry growing in her garden, her reaction was disappointment rather than excitement.

“I did think it was a bit small. It would have been nice if it grew a bit bigger,” said the 52-year-old.

How rude! I think Carole needs to work on being grateful for the strawberry penis God gave her. Size isn’t everything, Carole. Many of us would be overjoyed to have this lovely piece of dick fruit growing in our garden. I mean, if I wasn’t allergic to strawberries, I’d be happy to snack on this little fellow myself. [Metro UK]

Woman Grabs Man’s Crotch Before Duo Robs Him

Goat Thief
Letter to whoever stole a goat from a petting zoo and took it to the bar. Read More »
Zac's Crotch Grab
But who's he talking to on the phone while he does it? Read More »
Crotch Sweat?
This man likes to sniff crotch sweat at the gym. Read More »
crotch grabbing robbery

Apparently, a crotch grab is the real way to a man’s heart — or to his nonexistent wallet. Two women in Seattle made a really, really poor robbery attempt after making a date with a man they casually seduced by grabbing his crotch.

According to police reports, the caretaker victim was helping a patient move out of his building when the two temptresses drove up, called him over, performed their subtle move, and set up a coffee date with him for the following day. Keep reading »

Penis Accidents: Man Rips His Off While High On Mushrooms

Bobbit Penis Update
john wayne bobbit says penis is better than ever
John Wayne Bobbit's penis has never been better! Read More »
Raccoon Bites Penis
Let this be a lesson to you: do not try and rape a raccoon. Read More »

I believe this is what one would call a really bad trip. No one is really sure how, but a 41-year-old Columbus, Ohio, man managed to mutilate his own penis while high on mushrooms. The man was found naked and screaming in from of a Michigan middle school, bloody from the waist down, with parts of his genitals ripped off.

“He really wasn’t saying much at all — a lot of yelling and screaming. He wasn’t making sense. They couldn’t really communicate with him in terms of constructive conversation,” reports said. The man and his dismembered member were taken to the hospital, where he received emergency medical treatment. Once he sobered up and was in stable condition, he told authorities that he was in town visiting some friends and picked up the magic mushrooms earlier that day. He claims to have no history of mental illness or heavy drug use or self-mutilation.

Sometimes drugs are bad. [Metro UK]

The Penis Drawing Machine Makes Dirty Doodling So Much Simpler

Long Vs. Short Penises
The pros and cons of long and short penises. Read More »
Heh, Heh
The Penis Drawing Machine Makes Dirty Doodling So Much Simpler
A penis doodling contraption!

Use of Sharpie. Check. Penis and balls. Check. Infantile potty humor. Check. These are all the key components needed for my entertainment. Behold the penis drawing machine, which is exactly what it sounds like: a contraption that doodles dicks with the press of a button. Where was this thing when I was in middle school? Earth Science would have been exponentially more exciting. [YouTube]

5 Tips To Help Get Your Guy To The Finish Line

Premature Ejaculation
Tips for dealing with a man who comes too fast. Read More »
Peeing Or Squirting?
7 ways to know if you're a female ejaculator. Read More »
Be Sex Positive!
Eight ways to be positive you're sex positive. Read More »
Tips To Help Get Your Guy To The Finish Line

Having a partner with ejaculation problems is the best thing that ever happened to my sex life. He’s the love of my life and a passionate Duracell bunny of a lover who just keeps going until I’m satisfied, and (obviously, right?) I have no problems with my man’s inability to cum.

But while I’m writhing around with a satisfied smile of ecstasy at the end of another steamy marathon sex session, he worries he’s not a real man — and a quick search of Google shows he’s not the only one. There are no less than 182 million results for “I can’t ejaculate.” But despite this being a common problem there’s surprisingly little information out there about how to increase the chances of him climaxing.

With that in mind, my partner and I embarked on some (practical) research, and here are some tried and tested tips that should get even the most resistant of penises blowing their loads before you can say “baby wipe.” Keep reading »

Having An Erection That Lasts For 8 Months Sounds Really Awful

Broken Penises
There is a new spokesman for broken penises. Watch »
Long Vs. Short Penises
The pros and cons of long and short penises. Read More »

“I could hardly dance, with an erection poking my partner … It’s not something you want to bring out at parties and show to friends,” Daniel Metzgar, the 44-year-old New Jersey man who is suing the doctor who gave him a bad penile implant, testified.

Metzgar told jurors that the inflatable prosthesis, given to him by urologist Thomas Desperito in 2009, left him with an erection that lasted for eight months. EIGHT MONTHS! That’s a really long time to walk around with a boner.  Keep reading »

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