Dear Huang Jianjun,
I know you take your ghostbusting extremely seriously. Killing ghosts has been your passion since you saw “Ghostbusters” in the ’80s. I’ve always wanted to be supportive of you and your dreams, so I refrained from telling you that I thought your idea to start a ghostbusting business was absurd. What can I say? I was tired of you sitting around all day watching watching succubus porn and drinking Mountain Dew, so I lied and told you to start your business. I wanted that imprint of your ass off my couch. I realize now that was a mistake. You used your business as an excuse to have sex with an unsuspecting woman. And here I was believing that we never had sex anymore because you weren’t “attracted to sentient beings.” Ha! What a fool I was. I suppose you were lying about not being able to get it up because of your diabetes too. Keep reading »
Lolwhat. Allow me to present to you Benefit’s new “Real Men Don’t Fake It” video spot, feat. some bulges, babes, and Vinny of “Jersey Shore” infamy doing… yoga? And all this for mascara! Not safe for work, my friends, not safe for work. (All said, that mascara is pretty fucking great… but big dick great? Not so sure.) [via Jezebel]
Last week, the girls of College Humor had a “boner” to pick with HBO about their lack of dongs. Whether they show them “in between the boobs” or on their own, they plead with the network to show us “an inch of grade A man meat” for every pair of breasts. A fair request. The good news is that the “True Blood” season six finale delivered some dong. Sure, it was a blink-and-you-miss-it glimpse of Alexander Skarsgard’s flaccid, flaming penis. But still, with the magic of slow mo, we saw it in all of its uncircumcised glory. It’s a step in the right direction. Click through for a SFW retrospective of all the love sticks we’ve seen on HBO. [Beasts of Man]
Click here for NSFW version.
Dear I’m Too Kind To Use Your Real Name,
I am writing this letter because I’m hoping I can prevent you from ever sending another unsolicited picture of your naked penis to another human being again for the rest of your life. When I clicked on an email in my inbox with the subject line “need some advice,” I wasn’t expecting to see FOUR pictures of a stranger’s penis. I get a fair number of emails from readers and sometimes they want advice (not that I’m qualified to give any), and so I had no reason to believe that your email would be so wildly inappropriate.
In your email, you asked me for advice about products to make your penis larger. You complained that it’s “quite short” and “very skinny” and that when it gets erect it only gets slightly bigger and not much thicker. And then, anonymous dick pic sender, you gave me measurements. Measurements! I mean, really?
After I picked my jaw up off the floor — I didn’t want my face to remain in Exasperated Snarl Expression for the rest of my life — my attention was drawn to perhaps the most puzzling line in your email: ” I was going to send you pictures of when I have an erection but it is quite embarrassing,” you wrote. Keep reading »
You probably know Wesley Warren Jr. as the man with the 132-pound nut. At first Warren didn’t want to undergo surgery for his scrotal lymphedema, but found it to be the best option for his health and safety. After all, wearing an upside-down hoodie to cover your ball in public, watching TV while resting your junk on a milk crate, and having your scrotum overtake your penis to the point that you lose your ability to control your pee is no way to live. Not to mention the severe anemia and depression Warren suffered due to his condition. In April of this year, he finally underwent a 13-hour procedure to remove his giant scrotal mass. Keep reading »
This weekend, 27-year-old Nick Gilronan won the title of “Smallest Penis In Brooklyn” and the $200 prize that came along with it. But don’t be feeling bad for this single UPS store Assistant Manager (who models and acts on the side and technically lives in Queens) for being a “grower, not shower” — not only is he not embarrassed of his manhood, he’s proud as hell of his junk. He’s using his pageant win to speak out about the important of having a good body image. Here’s what he had to say on the matter in an interview with Gothamist:
“The size of a man’s penis does not matter for who he is as a person or in a relationship. Same thing with breast size. We’re all made in different shapes and sizes, but the media puts pressure on people to look a certain way. Most people do not look that way. Some people let that false sense of body image upset them and they shouldn’t be upset at all. Even worse, some people use those false standards and judge other people. It’s disconcerting… My advice for [less endowed men] is don’t worry about things you cannot control. All that does is waste time. Always move forward and do the best you can.”
Keep reading »