Penises are the greatest, just on their own, chillin’, flaccid, doing nothing or erect, inserting themselves into orifices. Simply the best, those dicks. As wonderful as they are just being themselves, no penis lover can resist a member that goes above and beyond the call of duty. Click ahead to see some sexy penis moves that, when performed properly, have the power to blow our minds. Or at least make us laugh our asses off. Hey, laughter is sexy.
Listen, I am a professional who writes about dating and men and sex on the internet, and I’ve been around the block once or twice or 25 times on top of that, so I am clearly not naive to the many things men do that are … Odd. Interesting. Gross. They cup their balls like Al Bundy. They measure their dicks. They do the mangina. Bravo. Yawn. So that’s why it came as such a surprise that the extensive chain of replies to a thread on Reddit asking “What are some things you are sure all guys do or have done?” actually managed to produce shock and awe. And plenty of those WTF things appeared in the replies multiple times indicating — statistically! — that, yes, men in general (with some exceptions of course) actually do them with regularity. (And most of them have something to do with their dicks. Which is not shocking.) So, without further ado, here are the things every man does… Keep reading »
According to the journal Britannia, along with other ancient Roman artifacts like coins, brooches, Kama Sutra knife handles and phallic, gold pendants, amateurs using metal detectors unearthed these winged penises. Carved from animal bones, the penises are thought to be between 1,600 and 2,000 years old, from the time period when the Romans ruled the area now known as Britain. Apparently, flying dicks were common motifs throughout the Roman Empire. (Dare I ask why?)
Best part of the discovery: in England and Wales, there’s a loophole for amateur loot hunters, which allows them to potentially own any artifacts discovered on their own. This means there may be a winged penis auction happening any day now on Ebay. [Live Science]
Attention men of humble endowment, we’ve been telling you forever that it’s not the size that counts. But you didn’t believe us. So a Danish website Singlesex.dk decided to host a small penis competition to help prove that penis size is not at the core of manhood. “There are so many unhappy men out there, who think you have to have a giant penis, but it’s not normal to have a huge one,” says site owner Morten Fabricus. AMEN!
The man with the smallest dick in Denmark will be handsomely rewarded with an iPhone or iPad. That should do wonders to boost his ego! From now until January 31, Danish fellows can enter by posting an anonymous dick pic with a measuring tape next to their member. May the smallest man win! [Sun UK]
If your penis or vagina is the competitive type, click through for some more real competitions you can enter your genitals in.
Like Tim Patch aka Pricasso, I also get all my best ideas when I’m in the bathroom. Unlike him, it’s never occurred to me to make a smiley face with my pee. Lucky for Pricasso, this idea led him to start experimenting with using his penis (and sometimes his balls and/or bum) as a paintbrush. His penile painting career has proved to be a fruitful idea (aside from the potential gangrene he’s susceptible to from all the paint-to-penis contact), and now, Pricasso makes all of his masterpieces wearing nothing but a top hat and a bow tie. And because I know you were wondering, yes, he did find penile painting erotic and get raging boners when he first started his career, but now he’s gotten past that and he has great control of his tool. OMG, I kind of need that picture of Gordon Ramsey painted by his dick. [VICE]
A few months ago, we told you about Mao Sugiyama, the self-described “asexual” artist who cooked up and served his own genitalia. To be more specific: the 23-year-old underwent elective genital-removal surgery, certified that the body parts were free of infections, froze them for two months, then, under the supervision of a chef, cooked his severed penis shaft, testicles, and scrotal skin, garnished them with button mushrooms and Italian parsley and served the dish for $250 to five lucky diners at a banquet hall in Tokyo. OK. That’s all you need to know. Oh wait. I should add that he also had his nipples removed but decided not to serve them. OK. That’s really all. I promise. (As if you could handle anymore details. I’m practically gagging here at my computer screen.) Keep reading »
Try to have sex with an animal against its will, expect a penis injury.
“When I saw the raccoon I thought I’d have some fun,” said 44-year-old Russian man, Alexander Kirilov.
I spent a long time trying to understand this sentence. The thought of “having some fun” with an animal is beyond my scope of comprehension. Keep reading »
Over the course of working on my novel, Shrinkage, I did a lot of research into penis enlargement practices. My novel is a work of fiction, but some of the real-life stuff I dug up is stranger than anything I could have come up with. Let’s get serious and focus on all the actual ways that you can increase the size of your manhood. But wait, are there really any?
Pills: Products with names like ExtenZe, ErectZan and the somehow recently knighted-sounding Sir Maximus round out the hundreds of offerings in this category. Read more …
An anonymous lady decided to share these pics of USA Olympic gymnast Danell Leyva with the world because he allegedly “sorta played” her. She has a fully nude pic of the 20-year-old Miami native as well, but wants to “see how it goes” with these pics first. We’re sorry for this woman’s pain, and we get that she was trying to exact revenge, but really, it’s going pretty well for us. We can’t deny that we’ve thoroughly enjoyed looking at Leyva’s pecs, er, pics. You probably want to look, too. Go ahead. Do it! Spoiler: He wears Hugo Boss boxer briefs, doesn’t wash the chalk off his hands before he masturbates and has a healthy-sized … ego. [Deadspin] Keep reading »
You know what I love about the Olympics? (Besides the brawn, the insane mastery of skill, and the bringing together of so many countries in a peaceful display of healthy competition, of course.) The clingy, tight, flesh-grazing, aerodynamic fabrics of so many of the uniforms. Yes, that’s what it is…
For more Olympics coverage, follow @pgbeauty