Tag Archives: penises

11 Naturally Occurring Instances Of Tree Porn (SFW)

You might not have noticed, but trees can be seriously sexy.  Especially after inclement weather has its way with them. Who can say how this human-like branch person ended up humping a trunk, all we can do is marvel at the power and majesty of Mother Nature, pervert that she is. Click through to see some more trees caught in very compromising positions.

Did Pharrell’s Grammy Hat Turn You On? Plus, Some Thoughts On Foreskin

  • Debate this: sex with Pharrell Williams with or without his Grammy hat? It does kind of look like a dickhead. [The Gloss]
  • A naked man walks into a bar with a bag full of didos. It’s not a joke, it really happened. [Huffington Post]
  • How to politely decline when your partner wants to do it ALL THE TIME. Not that it’s the worst problem to have. [College Candy]
  • Some foreskins don’t fit all the way over some penises … and that’s OK. [Nerve]
  • Gird your lips from these types of bad kissers. [The Stir] Keep reading »

The 9 Types Of Penises You’ll Meet In Real Life

When it comes to sex, there are certain things you can never be prepared for. Like, the first time a man unpacks the goods and you see something you really weren’t prepared for down there. Are his balls the size of grapefruits or is his penis just really tiny? Every penis is unique, but some are more unique than others. It’s important, no matter what he’s packing, to keep a poker face and not reveal your glee that you seem to have stumbled upon the world’s most perfect cockpiece or disappointment at the fact that his dick is about as thin as a pencil. We don’t want you to get caught with your pants down. Well, we do, but we just want you to be prepared when he takes his pants down. Be forewarned, if you’re single for long enough, you’re likely to meet the following penises…  Keep reading »

‪An Open Letter To The Man With His Penis Exposed At The Whole Foods Salad Bar‬

Dear Whole Foods Shopper,

I first noticed you walking slowly behind me as I rounded the hot bar buffet at the Union Square Whole Foods. I always notice when there is someone hovering dangerously close behind me. I like my space while I decide what I’m going to fill my recycled carton with for dinner. I’m a salad bar frequenter, and I’ve had a few untoward encounters there — one time a man literally tried to have a conversation with my vagina as I loaded up on tropical beet salad. Keep reading »

Man With Two, Fully Functional Penises Wants To Use Them On James Franco

Hazel Jones, the woman with two vaginas, became old news the moment the man with two penises agreed to do a Reddit AMA. DoubleDickDude, who describes his two penises as both “100 percent functional,” explained to curious Redditors that he was born with a condition called Diphallia and “did NOT absorb a twin.”(If you think you can handle it, here is very NSFW pictorial proof of his double phallus — both flaccid and erect.) Oh, but that was just the beginning of what he explained. As you can imagine, there were more than 10,000 questions — some of them predictably dumb, like “Can you write your first and last name in the snow simultaneously?”  and many of them similar to what you must be asking yourself right now like, “How does he pee?” We’ll get to that, but first, let’s explore this little tidbit he dropped in FAQ:

“I am bisexual and in a committed relationship with a man and a woman, but have permission to stray only with James Franco… wherever he is.”

I have a strong suspicion that James Franco would be into it. James? After the jump, I’ve included his answers about a few of the things you’re probably most curious about and a few you may not be, like how impressive his helicopter is. I couldn’t resist.

Keep reading »

Best Drunken Public Transportation Fight Devolves Into Penis/Vagina Insults

Train-Fight
Small Pussy Vs. Four-Inch Killer

As tends to happen when people drink and ride public transportation during the holiday season, fights break out. It’s unclear how this brawl between these two potty-mouthed passengers on the Long Island Rail Road began, but it doesn’t really matter how it started (apparently the drunk man was yelling while the woman was on the phone with her kids), it’s far more important how it ended: with the hurling of genital-related insults. After the jump, an abbreviated transcript of the fight. Take notes for the next time you get in a drunken public transpo kerfuffle and don’t have any zingers at the ready. Keep reading »

This Woman Makes Crocheted Penises For A Living

  • Shana Xavier makes her living selling crocheted penises on Etsy. She should be friends with the woman who knits from her vagina. They could build an X-rated, wool empire together. [Nerve]
  • Let’s review this year in bad, wrong, weird, strange sex. Like, the invention of the robot that gives handjobs and the discovery of dinosaur erotica. [Huffington Post]
  • PsychopathBeGone is not a real online dating site, but it should be. [The Stir]
  • People claim to be able to do these preposterous sex positions. BWHA! [Cracked]
  • Transgender woman, Jennifer Finney Boylan, talks about her experience volunteering at Salvation Army. [Newser] Keep reading »

The Girl With No Vagina — Plus, The Time Mike Tyson Used A Fake Penis

  • British teenager Jacqui Beck said she was in “total shock” when she learned that she had been born without a vagina at the age of 17. That wasn’t something she would have noticed sooner? [Huffington Post]
  • Enjoy some pics from Rihanna and Drake’s $21,000 night out at a strip club.That’s A LOT of singles. [Celebuzz]
  • There are two kinds of cheaters. Find out which one cheated on you. [The Stir]
  • These five responses to sexism are NOT acceptable. [Cracked]
  • Mike Tyson’s new book includes some really insane confessions. Find out about the time he used a fake penis. [Newser] Keep reading »

Michael Fassbender Would Like Us To Leave His Penis Alone

“It wouldn’t be acceptable it would be seen as sexual harassment, people saying [to an actress], Your vagina … You know? … I’m insecure, of course I am. But that was just a matter of me going, OK and just getting naked … I’ve never really thought of myself as good looking. I think of myself as, you know, alright … I used to have bad acne as a teenager, so all of this is a bonus now, the fact that I don’t have pimples any more…And my hair was also, you know, unfortunate. I had really long hair. I mean, I tied it back most of the time, but I had all these frizzy bits coming off the top.”

Michael Fassbender shares his plight with Elle UK. Poor Fassy is just an insecure, former nerd who became a sexy-as-hell, epically well-endowed A-List actor. Leave him alone about his penis already! OK, you pervs? [Metro UK]

Robin Thicke And Paula Patton Do Rock Star/Groupie Role Play & Other Things You Didn’t Want To Know About Him

Robin Thicke And Paula Patton Do Rock Star/ Groupie Role Play

“Yes. In fact, [Paula] likes to [listen to my music in the bedroom now] more than ever now. Sometimes she’ll even play groupie for me.”

Robin Thicke makes us all go ICK in his way too TMI Elle interview. So, in case you were wondering, he and Paula are having TONS of sex. Other things I learned about Robin (and his father, Jason Seaver, I mean, Alan Thicke) that I didn’t want to know: his father had an indoor jacuzzi that he used to seduce women; Robin saw one of those women naked in the shower when he was a kid; his father taught him how to play it cool with women so he didn’t seem desperate; his penis is bigger than his son’s, but smaller than LeBron James’; he walks around the house naked; and he has a cheerleader fetish. I could keep going but I don’t want to. This interview explains so much. [ELLE]

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