After the news broke that MMA Fighter Ray Elbe’s penis broke (I missed that news seeing as how I’d never heard of Ray before), he felt called to make a video about the incident. He says he wanted to come forward to talk about his traumatic penile fracture so that people could understand the “significance of the emergency” of having a broken dick. (Oh, I think we understand. Even those of us who don’t have them.YIKES.)
After Googling it, Ray discovered that lots of other men break their penis bones and some are too embarrassed to seek help. He doesn’t want anyone to be alone in this nightmare. Now that I know who he is and all the gory, bloody details of his sex injury and have seen him pour his pee from a catheter into a pitcher, I feel much more informed about penis injuries. In Ray’s words, “Keeping it safe during sex isn’t just about wearing a condom.” Noted, Ray. I will take great care next time I “come out the top and down” on a penis. His words, not mine. [Dlisted]
Penises are the greatest, just on their own, chillin’, flaccid, doing nothing or erect, inserting themselves into orifices. Simply the best, those dicks. As wonderful as they are just being themselves, no penis lover can resist a member that goes above and beyond the call of duty. Click ahead to see some sexy penis moves that, when performed properly, have the power to blow our minds. Or at least make us laugh our asses off. Hey, laughter is sexy.
Listen, I am a professional who writes about dating and men and sex on the internet, and I’ve been around the block once or twice or 25 times on top of that, so I am clearly not naive to the many things men do that are … Odd. Interesting. Gross. They cup their balls like Al Bundy. They measure their dicks. They do the mangina. Bravo. Yawn. So that’s why it came as such a surprise that the extensive chain of replies to a thread on Reddit asking “What are some things you are sure all guys do or have done?” actually managed to produce shock and awe. And plenty of those WTF things appeared in the replies multiple times indicating — statistically! — that, yes, men in general (with some exceptions of course) actually do them with regularity. (And most of them have something to do with their dicks. Which is not shocking.) So, without further ado, here are the things every man does… Keep reading »
According to the journal Britannia, along with other ancient Roman artifacts like coins, brooches, Kama Sutra knife handles and phallic, gold pendants, amateurs using metal detectors unearthed these winged penises. Carved from animal bones, the penises are thought to be between 1,600 and 2,000 years old, from the time period when the Romans ruled the area now known as Britain. Apparently, flying dicks were common motifs throughout the Roman Empire. (Dare I ask why?)
Best part of the discovery: in England and Wales, there’s a loophole for amateur loot hunters, which allows them to potentially own any artifacts discovered on their own. This means there may be a winged penis auction happening any day now on Ebay. [Live Science]
Attention men of humble endowment, we’ve been telling you forever that it’s not the size that counts. But you didn’t believe us. So a Danish website Singlesex.dk decided to host a small penis competition to help prove that penis size is not at the core of manhood. “There are so many unhappy men out there, who think you have to have a giant penis, but it’s not normal to have a huge one,” says site owner Morten Fabricus. AMEN!
The man with the smallest dick in Denmark will be handsomely rewarded with an iPhone or iPad. That should do wonders to boost his ego! From now until January 31, Danish fellows can enter by posting an anonymous dick pic with a measuring tape next to their member. May the smallest man win! [Sun UK]
If your penis or vagina is the competitive type, click through for some more real competitions you can enter your genitals in.
Like Tim Patch aka Pricasso, I also get all my best ideas when I’m in the bathroom. Unlike him, it’s never occurred to me to make a smiley face with my pee. Lucky for Pricasso, this idea led him to start experimenting with using his penis (and sometimes his balls and/or bum) as a paintbrush. His penile painting career has proved to be a fruitful idea (aside from the potential gangrene he’s susceptible to from all the paint-to-penis contact), and now, Pricasso makes all of his masterpieces wearing nothing but a top hat and a bow tie. And because I know you were wondering, yes, he did find penile painting erotic and get raging boners when he first started his career, but now he’s gotten past that and he has great control of his tool. OMG, I kind of need that picture of Gordon Ramsey painted by his dick. [VICE]