Tag Archives: penis

Let’s Discuss Jessica Simpson’s Penis Mask

Jessica Mummy-To Be
Jessica Simpson is pregnant for sure. Read More »
Dear Jessica
An open letter to Jessica, asking her to stop talking about her weight. Read More »

OK. Once you’re done gawking at the absurdity of Jessica Simpson’s latest Twitpic, let’s talk about why she might be wearing this penis mask, which, may I add, is absolutely hideous. Penises are not the most attractive organs, but this mask is really doing dicks everywhere an injustice. She says it’s for a bachelorette weekend. But that’s too cruel to do to a bride-to-be. Is she trying to put the girl off sex for the rest of her life? I suspect this may be her way of telling us she’s having a boy. She does love a good Twitpic announcement. Discuss. [Buzzfeed]

Kate Beckinsale Loves A Good Penis Prank

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The website for, by, and about Kates! Read More »

“We’d sort of had a little bit of an argument and [my mom] was leaving and my make-up artist had given me for Easter – I don’t know why – this enormous penis …  a rubber one … it was quite wobbly. It was definitely decorative. It wasn’t functional. I kept on stashing it in my trailer  and I thought, ‘I’m just gonna put it in her hand luggage when she goes to the airport and maybe that’ll somehow cheer us up,’ so I did that … I was gonna let it get to that point but my make-up artist was so horrified that I’d done it … I had to call her up and say, ‘Look, I’m really sorry, but just look in your bag.’ She went, ‘Oh my God, Kate, I can’t believe you’ve done it. What am I going to do with it?’ … I think she had to somehow dump it at the airport … I do like a penis joke. Doesn’t everybody? We have a tradition in my family now. Whenever I visit my mother’s house I always have to leave a banana and two apples, or whatever fruit she has, in a penis state in her fruit bowl just so she thinks of me when I’ve gone.”

– Kate Beckinsale on the penis prank she played on her mom. I respect Kate’s story. I strongly encourage humor of this sort. Fake penises, farts in jars, I love it all. The more, the better. My inner age is eight, by the way. [Starpulse]

Penis Tattoo Leaves Man With Permanent Boner

Things that we suspected might be a bad idea: getting your penis tattooed. A 21-year-old Iranian man was left with a permanent semi-boner after getting the phrase “good luck on your journeys” along with his girlfriend’s initials inked on his peen in Persian. After several days of post-tat healing, his pain began to subside, but his woody didn’t. According the to the Journal of Sexual Medicine, the tattoo artist “punctured too-deep holes that damaged vessels in his penis” causing blood pooling that resulted in the perma-rection. Since the guy is still able to achieve full erections and have sex, he’s more or less okay with his always hard d**k. Meanwhile, doctors are taking this opportunity to remind us that penile tattooing is dumb. But we already suspected as much. Maybe he should get the tattoo changed to read, “Good luck with your permanent erection.” [MSNBC]

17 Famous Man Bulges

Oh, hello there. We were feeling a little on the pervy side today, because, you know, that’s how we roll, and of course, there’s the new David Beckham H&M ads where he’s clad only in underwear. What a fine piece of man he is. This pic is sure to become a man bulge classic. We put two and two together and dang it! If men feel they can just stare at our breasts when we walk down the street, then we can Google “famous man bulge” and post the results here. Enjoy! [Just Jared]

Nude Man Accidentally Helps Sell French Retailer’s Kids’ T-Shirts

As the old saying goes, the problem with doing a children’s fashion photo shoot on a beach in France is that you never know when a naked man might wander in the shot. What? They don’t say that? Oh. Well, French online fashion retailer La Redoute managed to miss a random sun worshipper’s exposed cock’n'balls in a photo advertising kids’ T-shirts. (Above, I have helpfully indicated the aforementioned French peen using Photoshop, a tool La Redoute might need to re-familiarize themselves with.) Les oopsies! [The Gloss]

The Money Shot: Christmas Is Busting Out All Over

Should someone tell the Johnson family that they have a very merry penis on their front lawn?  Nah. Might as well let Christmas keep coming until New Year’s. [Sofa Pizza]

The Thing About Ostrich Penises

Oh, the things I learn in a day of trolling the interweb for penis stories. Today, oh glorious day, I learned that the ostrich hard-on, unlike other bird erections, is of the blood vascular variety as opposed to a lymphatic type. If you are learned in the science realm, then you’ll know that reptiles and humans (proud members of the mammal family) also get blood vascular erections. Meaning blood flows to the penis and makes it hard. Interesting point being that ostriches may be the evolutionary erection link in the penile tree. Other important discovery: the most common form of bird sex is known as the “cloacal kiss.” This is when the girl and boy birds touch their cloaca (the small all-purpose orifices in the butt region) together so sperm can pass. In conclusion, I mostly just wrote this post to freak Amelia out. She hates birds and their penises. [io9]

Botched Penis Injection: Kasia Rivera Arrested For Manslaughter

December 13, 2011

Shaquille O’Neal Brags About His Penis, Gets A Piggyback From His Lilliputian Girlfriend

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Fast forward to 3:15 and you will see Shaq receive a piggyback ride from “Hoops,” his Lilliputian girlfriend. That is seriously impressive. And she is wearing heels. The only good thing you missed before the piggy is Shaq referencing how large his “anaconda” is. I mean, we figured as much. Oh, and just in case you failed to notice, the name of his forthcoming book is Shaq: Uncut. Fun with double entendres! Imagine all that action packed into one “Jimmy Kimmel Live” segment. [Buzzfeed]

There Is Something You Must Know About Dr. Phil’s Genitalia

Vasectomy Problem
Can this woman sue her husband's ex to pay for his vasectomy reversal? Read More »
Dr. Phil photo

[Dr. Phil's wife got pregnant unexpectedly at a time in his life when he was not ready to have children.] I was doing work in another city with a good friend of mine. He said, ‘The office closes at five – why don’t you come in and we’ll do your vasectomy?” He didn’t have a nurse there, so I actually assisted him by handing him the instruments. It’s painful when they kind of pull on it. He put me in the car with an ice pack, and I drove myself to the airport and flew home.”

Whoa. Just whoa. TMI alert! Dr. Phil gave himself a vasectomy! But don’t worry, ladies. He had it reversed. [Daily Mail UK]
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