Old people: they do what they want. And if they’re feeling pervy and want to ask a reporter “How’s ya dick hangin’?”, well, so be it. I am not going to get in the way of a centenarian trying to make a love connection. Are you? [YouTube via BroBible]
“The doctors told me I would never be able to have sex again because my injuries were so bad. But I’ve proved them wrong time and time again. I believe I’ve slept with 70 women since the incident. Being the most famous man to have his penis chopped off does have its advantages. It definitely has not hurt my love life — in fact it improved it. I guess some women got a kick out of saying they slept with John Wayne Bobbitt. …. [Howard Stern] offered to pay for a penis enlargement and I jumped at the chance. I still had not fully regained my confidence in that department and I thought it would help get back my self-esteem. The three-hour operation added just under two inches to the length. The plastic surgeon also made it thicker. I was lucky — everything went back to good working order. I joke it’s all ‘souped up’ now — like an ordinary car with a bigger engine. I can honestly say it’s never been better. … Obviously, I would have preferred not to go through all that pain and suffering. But being famous for my penis has given me opportunities I could not have ever imagined.”
––Every vicious assault has a silver lining? Or something? John Wayne Bobbit assured the UK’s Sun about how his willy is doing wonderfully after the 1993 assault by his then-wife, Lorena Bobbit. Lorena had been physically and sexually abused by her husband throughout their marriage; he allegedly raped her the night she cut his penis off with an eight-inch knife. Bobbitt had dick was sewn back on with surgery, went on to film some pornos, including one called “John Wayne Bobbitt Uncut,” and apparently has been livin’ up his D-list celebrity status. It’s hard to feel happy for him, though––he has several domestic violence arrests under his belt. Now he’s a born-again Christian and is writing an autobiography. [The Sun UK]
[Image of knife via Shutterstock]
Use of Sharpie. Check. Penis and balls. Check. Infantile potty humor. Check. These are all the key components needed for my entertainment. Behold the penis drawing machine, which is exactly what it sounds like: a contraption that doodles dicks with the press of a button. Where was this thing when I was in middle school? Earth Science would have been exponentially more exciting. [YouTube]
Non-theater geeks, gather ’round ye all and let me school you in the art of radical street theater. Really, there’s not much schooling to be done; the former actor in me wanted to write a pretentious sentence. But…street theater! It’s when performers take their acting to the street and engage real, unsuspecting onlookers as their audience. This is what members of the Nomadic Academy of Fools, a UK theater troupe, were doing when they hit Glastonbury High Street in a penis and vagina costume respectively to promote their forthcoming play.
“We’re trying to highlight the contradiction in society,” said Joanne Tremarco, the woman dressed as a vagina.
Um, obviously. I got it right away.But some non-theater loving fool, did not understand the message. He took offense to the walking, talking genitals and began to attack Chris Murray, the man dressed as a penis. Keep reading »
This week Tori Spelling tweeted: “O-M-G … My husband @Deanracer just surprised me w/ hottest ‘Tori’ tattoo in an unbelievably intimate spot I’m blown away!”
Of course, she didn’t show us a picture of this intimate tattoo, but based on the other bad “Tori” tattoo on his elbow, we can only guess that Dean got her beloved pet chicken Coco inked on his taint. I’m sure we’ll see a Twitpic or Vine video of it soon enough … whether we want to or not.
Here are some more celebs who got intimate tattoos. [US Weekly]
Yesterday, while Julie and I were discussing the season finale of “Game of Thrones,” both of us knelt down and said a prayer that some genius — i.e. someone who’s handy with Final Cut Pro — would do a supercut of “Saturday Night Live”‘s “Dick In A Box” just for Theon Greyjoy. (Theon’s wang, of course, was cut off by the Bastard Bolton and sent — in a box! — to his dad and sister.) The internet always — ALWAYS — delivers. [YouTube]