Try to have sex with an animal against its will, expect a penis injury.
“When I saw the raccoon I thought I’d have some fun,” said 44-year-old Russian man, Alexander Kirilov.
I spent a long time trying to understand this sentence. The thought of “having some fun” with an animal is beyond my scope of comprehension. Keep reading »
Important business to attend to! We need to discuss this crazy picture of Jon Hamm’s balls. While out strolling this weekend with Jennifer Westfeldt, there were some very interesting pics snapped of his junk. Some featured his incredibly sizable shlong. Not that we’re complaining. There’s never any issue with a devastatingly handsome man being well-endowed. BUT. THE BALLS. Granted, we’ve seen balls of all shapes and sizes. Amelia had a brief fling with a guy with “grapefruit-sized balls” — “Like Christmas tree ornaments!” she emphasizes — and I once slept with a dude whose balls were the size of Lindor truffles. I swear. But nuts, regardless of size or shape, are smushy. Sorry, but something about these moose knuckles just don’t look right to us. After the jump, some theories about what might have been going on Jon’s pants. Keep reading »
A woman in Shelby, North Carolina, performed an incredible feat of strength — and a horrible crime — when she castrated a man with her bare hands. Joyce Maxine Gregory admitted that she squeezed a man’s scrotum out of his testicles (that has gotta hurt). She and the man, who has not been named, got in an argument Saturday morning. As he attempted to walk away from her, she squeezed him. Gregory was arrested and charged with malicious castration and assault inflicting serious bodily injury, and her bond was set at $20,000. Police say that when she was arrested, she pulled down her pants and peed in the squad car. Okay then. [Kait8]
The moment in a child’s life when he or she learns about genitalia is a precious one, second only to the moment when they realize everybody poops. I know it is weird, but I can still remember when I learned that my older brother had a penis and I didn’t. This little girl Bailey just found out that Daddy has a penis and Mommy doesn’t. She’s still a bit confused about Grandma, however. At least Bailey is learning the real words and not “wee wee” and “hoo hoo,” which drive me crazy. [HyperVocal]
Let’s be frank here, this doesn’t look like a sausage costume, does it? Jill Makinson-Sanders, mayor of the English town of Louth, miscalculated when she took to the streets in this 8-foot-tall banger (that’s Brit speak for sausage) costume for the Olympic torch parade. And rightfully so, everyone mistook Sanders for a giant penis. “She didn’t carry the torch but when you saw her running down the street by the torch relay team nearby it really looked like she was wearing something obscene,” said Sandra Ellington, a resident of Louth. “Surely she could see that it looked more like a c**k. I can’t believe she could have been so stupid … she’s made the town a laughing stock,” added — rhymed! — another embarrassed resident. Oops. But Sanders is not apologizing. She defended her choice of attire saying, “I was not attending [the event] in my capacity as mayor.” You heard the lady. On her off time, she is free to do as she pleases. Read as: Dress up as a d**k. [Mirror UK]
If you watched, or hosted, a late night TV show at any point since the mid-1990s you probably remember the story of Lorena Bobbit. Bobbit captured the national imagination when she used a kitchen knife to cut off her husband’s penis while he slept. That one incident alone paid for at least three of Jay Leno’s very expensive cars.
What happened in the typically sleepy San Francisco suburb of Fremont this week was a little different. Fremont police report they responded to a 911 call early Thursday morning to find a 20-year old man who had cut off his own penis with an X-Acto knife.
“Whether it’s paper, wood, cloth or any other material, X-Acto knives let you cut through almost anything with precision and ease,” X-Acto’s website reads. Read more …
According to In Touch Magazine, Casper Smart, not only got his penis inked, but got his “girlfriend’s name tattooed on [his] nether region.” According to a friend, “Casper surprised J.Lo with this token of his affection – and she was thrilled with the latest addition to his already inked-up body … Jennifer thinks Casper’s tattoos are sexy, but this one is her favorite, for obvious reasons … She loves it, and she loves him.”
Oh no. Fatal mistake. If this tidbit is true, Casper has just ensured himself a breakup. Getting a GF/BF’s named prematurely inked on your body (especially on the dick) is a very bad omen. That’s gonna suck getting that lasered off once Jennifer tells him that their relationship was just for fun. [WOW]
Dr. Oz’s bulge got a full spread in this month’s issue of Good Housekeeping. Either the stylist wasn’t paying attention to his pasta boner or this is purposefully soft core. He looks positively aroused by that pasta dish. I can almost hear him getting off on how heart healthy it is. There’s a certain demographic who may find themselves turned on by the combination of food, crotch and Dr. Oz. [Buzzfeed]