Women have no secrets. Not really. We readily spill the beans about everything from the guy we hooked up with to our marital problems. Discussing our lives is the glue that keeps book clubs together. But there’s something we need to talk more openly about: penis size.
Not that we haven’t been discussing size, but we’ve only been doing it in hushed voices after several martinis. Why? Because men have made size a taboo subject, even though they’re the ones who are obsessed with it.
Our silence isn’t helping. Men foolishly seem to think size is a big deal, or the only deal. This is evidenced by the overwhelming amount of emails for penis enlargement procedures clogging up my spam folder. Men get hung up on equating their masculinity or their sexual prowess with their penis size. That couldn’t be further from the truth, at least, from the female perspective. Keep reading »
Ever rolled over in the morning to snuggle your dude and got jabbed in the belly button? Thought so. That’s because all men experience “noctural penile tumescence,” AKA morning wood. As the folks as ASAP Science explain above, morning wood has to do with REM sleep, a neurotransmitter called norepinephrine, and even the dude’s bladder. I used to think men just awoke horny because I’m so damn sexy! Sadly, the cold, hard truth is less flattering. (Did you see what I did there?) [Towel Road]
“It’s a lot of butt. I got scared. Unless I’m around certain people, I don’t like to be naked. [Laughs.] I have a great picture of me naked on a bed just wearing a cock sock, and the crew is all around me, bored. We were all waiting for a film roll or a lens to arrive. So I’m just sitting around naked on the bed and everyone’s so nonchalant. It was really weird for me, like, ‘Man, this is awkward.’”
– If you don’t know who Evan Peters plays on “American Horror Story: Asylum,” please, stay in the dark. I want him to be all mine. But yeah, he’s naked a lot this season.
After the jump, Evan talks more about his cock sock and described what it’s liked to get spanked on his bare ass by Jessica Lange. (She does that a lot this season.) Keep reading »
I normally love rounded colors and contrast piping, but in the case of this blouse, the effect is very, umm, well, it looks like a cock and balls. What do you think? Would you dare to wear such a phallic fashion? [$53, ASOS]
If you’ve had a craving for rain forests, untapped deposits of raw minerals, and gigantic penises, now’s the time to head to the Republic of Congo. A new study ranked the world’s countries by average length of erect penises and found that the Congo is home to the most well-endowed individuals. At 7.1 inches, their enormous sex organs put them at the top, just above the male populations in Ecuador (7.0 inches), Ghana (6.8), Columbia (6.7), and Iceland (6.5).
Wondering where the good ol’ US of A falls on the world’s penis chart? Get out your magnifying glass … you’re gonna need it. Read more…
Conservative talk radio host and major douchebag Rush Limbaugh has unwisely ensured that “Rush Limbaugh small penis” will forevermore be the most delightful of Internet search terms. Keep reading »
Try to have sex with an animal against its will, expect a penis injury.
“When I saw the raccoon I thought I’d have some fun,” said 44-year-old Russian man, Alexander Kirilov.
I spent a long time trying to understand this sentence. The thought of “having some fun” with an animal is beyond my scope of comprehension. Keep reading »
Important business to attend to! We need to discuss this crazy picture of Jon Hamm’s balls. While out strolling this weekend with Jennifer Westfeldt, there were some very interesting pics snapped of his junk. Some featured his incredibly sizable shlong. Not that we’re complaining. There’s never any issue with a devastatingly handsome man being well-endowed. BUT. THE BALLS. Granted, we’ve seen balls of all shapes and sizes. Amelia had a brief fling with a guy with “grapefruit-sized balls” — “Like Christmas tree ornaments!” she emphasizes — and I once slept with a dude whose balls were the size of Lindor truffles. I swear. But nuts, regardless of size or shape, are smushy. Sorry, but something about these moose knuckles just don’t look right to us. After the jump, some theories about what might have been going on Jon’s pants. Keep reading »
A woman in Shelby, North Carolina, performed an incredible feat of strength — and a horrible crime — when she castrated a man with her bare hands. Joyce Maxine Gregory admitted that she squeezed a man’s scrotum out of his testicles (that has gotta hurt). She and the man, who has not been named, got in an argument Saturday morning. As he attempted to walk away from her, she squeezed him. Gregory was arrested and charged with malicious castration and assault inflicting serious bodily injury, and her bond was set at $20,000. Police say that when she was arrested, she pulled down her pants and peed in the squad car. Okay then. [Kait8]
The moment in a child’s life when he or she learns about genitalia is a precious one, second only to the moment when they realize everybody poops. I know it is weird, but I can still remember when I learned that my older brother had a penis and I didn’t. This little girl Bailey just found out that Daddy has a penis and Mommy doesn’t. She’s still a bit confused about Grandma, however. At least Bailey is learning the real words and not “wee wee” and “hoo hoo,” which drive me crazy. [HyperVocal]