Tag Archives: penis

These Men Can Play “Jingle Bells” With Their Penises

jingle bells boxers
Jingle Balls, I Mean, Bells

Nothing says peace on Earth, sugar cookies and Grandma like Christmas carols played with bells attached to a dude’s junk, amirite? Kmart’s holiday commercial features six male models shaking bells on their penises — hidden beneath their Joe Boxers, of course — to the tune of “Jingle Bells.” The gag is subtle enough that little kids might not understand, but strange enough that adults will feel a mix of “ew” and “cool!”  Whether you think playing “Jingle Balls” with your junk is vulgar or good-natured fun, you have to admit it takes coordination! [AdWeek]

I Can’t Quite Put My Finger On What The Aerial View Of This Church Resembles

Aerial view of Christian Science church looks like a penis

Christian Scientists are not known for their sense of humor, but have a look at this bird’s-eye view of the Christian Science Society of Dixon, Illinois, and tell me that God isn’t laughing right about now. Furthermore, the congregation’s slogan is “rising up.” All of the jokes have already been made. I didn’t even have to do a damn thing. [via Gawker]

Viagra Overdose Leads To Penis Amputation For Colombian Politician

penis amputation

I feel pretty confident making a broad sweeping generalization about this: losing your penis is every man’s worst nightmare. For one Colombian politician, that nightmare became a reality after an overdose of Viagra. The 66-year-old man didn’t just suffer through an erection that lasted longer than four hours — his boner ached for “a few days” after taking too many little blue pills. Doctors eventually had to amputate his “inflamed, fractured” penis after it showed signs of gangrene. GANGRENE ON HIS PENIS, YOU GUYS! Bruising on his testicles only exacerbated this gentleman’s horror, although fortunately his testicles are still attached.

Well, there’s one less politician with a willy he can photograph. Perhaps Anthony Weiner should be taking notes. [Raw Story] [Image of man looking at his penis via Shutterstock]

Enterprising Weirdo Shoves Fork Into His Peehole, Ends Up In Hospital

Man Rips Off Own Penis
Man Accidentally Rips His Penis Off While High On Mushrooms
Psychedelic mushrooms and penises don't mix. Read More »
Bobbit Penis Update
john wayne bobbit says penis is better than ever
John Wayne Bobbit's penis has never been better! Read More »
man sticks forth in uretha

We’ve all done something stupid in the name of sex, usually involving one too many tequila sunrises and men with neck tattoos. But one Australian man puts us all to shame: he shoved a fork up his peehole. Yes, he shoved a piece of cutlery into his urethra. The 70-year-old Canberra man’s escapade was cataloged in a report called “An Unusual Urethral Foreign Body” from the International Journal of Surgery Case Reports. In a ballsy attempt to”achieve sexual gratification,” this elderly fella inserted the four-inch-long fork inside his penis  … only to rush himself (or waddle slowly) to the emergency room when he couldn’t get it out. The fork was not visible from the outside, but could be felt by doctors. They were able to replenish his cutlery drawer using forceps and “copious lubrication.” Who knew the urethra could stretch so large! Just keep Grandpa away from the sporks, OK? [Huffington PostNews AU]

A Penis Cake Pan’s Continued Quest For Relevancy

DIY Penis Implants
What are speed bumps? Read More »
Penis on Mars!
Thanks, NASA. Teenage boys rejoice! Read More »
Miley's Penis Cake
Miley Cyrus munched on a penis cake at her BF's birthday party. Read More »
Smallest Penis Award
Nick Gilronan won the title of "Smallest Penis In Brooklyn"
This man is small and proud. Read More »
a penis cake pans continued quest for relevancy

The penis cake pan’s struggle is oft-commemorated in poetry and song. Surely you remember the Dylan Thomas poem “Do Not Go Gentle Into That Good Night (Penis Cake Pan).” It goes:

Do not go gentle into that good night penis cake pan / Your novelty cake pan should burn and rave at close of day / Rage, rage against the dying of the penis cake pan.

It’s a very famous poem. What does one do with a penis cake pan after the bachelorette party/penis-themed seasonal bacchanal/fertility party is over? One brave woman put on her baking imaginarium cap and tried to figure it out. Check out her handy penis-work after the jump! [BForbel]

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Ke$ha Makes A Jewelry Line And Obviously There Are Penises

Ke$ha Was Born With A Tail
Ke$ha Was Born With A Tail
Naturally, she's sad that it was chopped off Read More »
Glitter in Her Vagina
Ke$ha talks about this and other common problems with Jimmy Kimmel. Read More »
Watch Kesha Drink Pee
Kesha drinks pee
She makes exactly the face you would expect someone to make after. Read More »

Kesha Rose by Charles Albert is the name of Ke$ha’s new jewelry line and it is everything you would expect it to be. The most striking pieces, however, come from her “Grow A Pear” Collection, which features small gold penises for your neck, fingers, and ears. The interesting part is that her penis-shaped jewelry is already selling out! Ke$ha is not the first one to make genital-inspired jewelry, though she may be the most successful. Indie rocker, Grimes, also came out with a line of rings with vaginas on them, which she referred to as “pussy rings.” I guess there’s a hierarchy when it comes to classiness of genital-inspired jewelry. [Refinery 29NYMag.com]

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