Yesterday, while Julie and I were discussing the season finale of “Game of Thrones,” both of us knelt down and said a prayer that some genius — i.e. someone who’s handy with Final Cut Pro — would do a supercut of “Saturday Night Live”‘s “Dick In A Box” just for Theon Greyjoy. (Theon’s wang, of course, was cut off by the Bastard Bolton and sent — in a box! — to his dad and sister.) The internet always — ALWAYS — delivers. [YouTube]
Keying penises into the hoods or doors of automobiles is usually the sort of thing a jilted lover does. But not Natasha Myers, of Wesley Chapel, Florida. Natasha (pictured) is an all-purpose dick artist, willing to dick up your car for minor traffic violations, if need be.
Angered over a motorist who refused to yield to pedestrians, Myers tracked down the offending driver’s SUV. Security cameras caught her walking into a nearby supermarket and coming out with a Post-It note. She scribbled out a note and affixed it to the SUV’s windshield. Keep reading »
It appears that Demi Moore’s new boyfriend, 30-year-old Will Hanigan, is dipping his pearl in her oyster. And that’s not some weird euphemism for them doing Kundalini yoga together (but they are doing that too). According to The New York Daily News, the Australian pearl diver (yes, that’s really his profession) has a precious treasure hidden in his penis. “He had a pearl inserted in his penis when he was in his late teens. It is pearl farming tradition and he would always joke about it in Australia. He’d boast it’d give girls extra stimulation in the bedroom,” said an anonymous source. Keep reading »
Santa Ana, California, woman Catherine Kieu Becker got really mad at her husband Glen for having an “inappropriate relationship” with someone. So mad that she drugged him, tied him to a bed with nylon ropes, and using a 10-inch knife, cut off his penis. She then threw the penis down the garbage disposal and turned it on, mutilating it beyond repair. Doctors were, not surprisingly, unable to reattach the organ, though Glen has now recovered and is out of the hospital.
On Monday, Becker was convicted of torture and aggravated mayhem. She’s facing life in prison without the possibility of parole. Our serious condolences to Glen.
Glen isn’t the only guy whose penis has been attacked. Of course, there’s the original penis victim, John Wayne Bobbitt, whose wife Lorena cut off his member in the middle of the night. But there are other guys out there whose penises have also been in peril. After the jump, we chronicle their stories. Keep reading »
Alexandra Barnes, you have some competition. Alexandra, if you’ll remember, is the Florida woman who, just last week, set her car on fire, sat down in the middle of an intersection and proclaimed “I am God.”
Well, guess what? Florida man Michael Joseph Silecchia took a bunch of acid and proclaimed that he was God, too. So there might be a “God-off” in Florida soon. Over the weekend, police were summoned to the Campus Club Apartments after neighbors reported that Silecchia was running through the halls of the building in the middle of the night. At first, Silecchia pleaded with them not to cut off his penis, but then later changed his mind. “Cut off my penis,” he requested. The cops did not oblige. Silecchia also advised that he was “God” but also “straight.” Just so we’re clear. Keep reading »
It’s hard out there for a Mars rover. Day after day, these dutiful little robots drive around the barren surface of the red planet collecting data to send back to their bosses relaxing at the warm, cozy NASA offices 40 million miles away. Do you really blame one of them for getting a bit, umm, creative with the shape of its tire marks? [Reddit via Huffpo]
According to a new study of women Down Under — no, really, it was in Australia — women really are attracted to men with larger penises.
In the study, 105 women viewed naked men of various heights who all had flaccid penises and rated them on sexual attractiveness. As TIME explained, researchers found that shorter men with larger penises were seen as more attractive than shorter men with shorter penises and that tall men are kinda screwed because their height may make their penis look smaller. But have no fear, small dick-ed dudes: overall, women rated body shape as more important to attraction than penis size.
Frankly, we think any penis that isn’t bratwurst-sized works just fine. It’s not the size of the boat but the motion of the ocean and all that. But that’s not to say certain penises don’t stick out (no pun intended) in our minds … Keep reading »
We know you’ve never wanted to know what’s in Sisqo’s pants. But now that the “Thong Song” singer’s nude pics are making the rounds on the interwebs,we know you are curious about his dong da dong dong dong. Click here for full NSFW pics of Sisqo’s trouser snake. Spoiler: he does not wear thongs.Oh, and the “Thong Song” video is after the jump if you feel like reminiscing about the year 2000. [ONTD] Keep reading »