Posts tagged "penis"

Meet China’s Hands-Free Sperm Extractor Machine (For The Times When A Regular Handjob Won’t Do)

File this one under “Things I Had To Check Weren’t A Clickhole Post First”: hospitals in China have machines to extract sperm. The hands-free gizmos are used by urology departments to manually pump out semen through a “massage pipe” when extracting it the, ummm, normal way doesn’t work anymore. Apparently it is used for sperm…

Jessica Wakeman / June 25, 2014

The 5 Most Ridiculous Products Made For Crotch Maintenance

Genitals are perhaps the only thing in the world that everyone loves and most people don’t mind sharing with others. That’s why they also tend to be fairly well-maintained, be it by rigorous daily training using the … um, workout material we find on the Internet, or by flat out gluing our junk full of Swarovski crystals.
I’m…

Cracked / June 5, 2014

Jonah Falcon To Become Penis Museum’s Most Outstanding Member (NSFW)

Jonah Falcon received an extraordinary gift at birth, and now he wants to give back.
The 43-year-old Manhattanite is recognized for having the longest penis ever measured in a documentary, a distinction that has made him an Internet star. He has declined many opportunities in porn. But now, he has an offer he can’t refuse.

Big News, Big Guys: There’s Finally A Pair Of Slim-Fit Jeans With Room To Accommodate Your Penis & Balls

A couple weeks ago we introduced you to the “anti-thigh gap jeans,” made specifically for those of us who have a little more thigh meat than traditional skinny jeans allow for. Today, we’d like to introduce you to another specialty fit denim innovation, but this one is for men who have a little extra ma…

Winona Dimeo-Ediger / May 6, 2014

We Should Obviously All Go See This Documentary About A Penis Museum Called “The Final Member”

Who needs Iceland’s beautiful scenery and hot springs when you can visit The Icelandic Phallological Museum instead? The Reykjavik museum is the world’s most diverse (and only?) penis museum, housing specimens from every mammal in the country.

Claire Hannum / April 18, 2014

Does A Circumcised Penis Result In Better Sex?

For a lot of American women, the thought of the uncircumcised penis is repulsive. (Sorry, guys!) It’s not that we’re against a penis that rocks a turtleneck, but it’s just something to which we’re not accustomed. You can’t be mad at us if we recoil in fear and confusion when face-to-face with an uncut member!

YourTango.com / March 26, 2014

Dude Suffers Terrifying Seven-Week Erection After Biking Accident

After a mountain biking crash, a 22-year-old Irish man found himself with an erection that lasted for seven weeks. When he slammed into his handle bars during the crash, he was left with a hard-on that just wouldn’t quit. He kept the result of his “irregular bloodflow” to himself for five weeks (how he managed that…

Claire Hannum / January 14, 2014

Shia LaBeouf Had To Submit Dick Pics For “Nymphomaniac”

Shia LaBeouf was asked to submit pictures of his penis during part of casting for “Nymphomaniac,” the new Lars von Trier sex flick. Did they check to make sure it was really his? [Evil Beet Gossip]
Dennis Rodman lost his shit during a CNN interview from Pyongyang, North Korea. [The Wire]
Ralph…

Jessica Wakeman / January 7, 2014

Man Claims “Big, Black Snake” In Toilet Bit His Penis

Sssssucks to be you, man. A man in Ghana claims he was using a public toilet when a ‘big, black snake’ bit him on the tip of his penis on Wednesday. Kwabena Nkrumah, 34, said the pain was intense, and that he ran out of the public toilet screaming, “Snake! Snake! Snake!” which in tur…

Huffington Post Weird News / December 15, 2013

Can You Guess Which State Has The “Biggest” Men?

In an act of true patriotism, Condomania.com did a little research on the United States’ size trends based on who bought the highest numbers of larger-sized condoms. “America’s first online condom store” used the data to put together a handy list that ranks our great 50 states by the size of their residents’ junk. Since the…

Claire Hannum / December 5, 2013

Mike Tyson Explains Everything You Want To Know About Passing A Drug Test With A Fake Penis

In his memoir, Undisputed Truth, Mike Tyson revealed that he used a fake penis with someone else’s clean urine to pass drug tests. Chelsea Handler, being Chelsea Handler, wanted to know all the details. Here’s Tyson explaining how he used a fake dick connected to a jock strap to hide his drug use, which apparently…

Jessica Wakeman / December 5, 2013

Miley Cyrus Rocks A Nude Leotard With A Penis Drawn On The Crotch

Miley Cyrus posed for LOVE magazine in a nude leotard with a dick drawn on the crotch, because of course she did. LOVE uploaded the image above to their Instagram, but shortly thereafter replaced it with a similar image featuring a strategically placed reindeer. Luckily StyleCaster snagged a screenshot first. The internet never forgets a good…

Amelia McDonell-Parry / November 25, 2013

These Men Can Play “Jingle Bells” With Their Penises

Nothing says peace on Earth, sugar cookies and Grandma like Christmas carols played with bells attached to a dude’s junk, amirite? Kmart’s holiday commercial features six male models shaking bells on their penises — hidden beneath their Joe Boxers, of course — to the tune of “Jingle Bells.” The gag is subtle enough that little…

Jessica Wakeman / November 18, 2013

I Can’t Quite Put My Finger On What The Aerial View Of This Church Resembles

Christian Scientists are not known for their sense of humor, but have a look at this bird’s-eye view of the Christian Science Society of Dixon, Illinois, and tell me that God isn’t laughing right about now. Furthermore, the congregation’s slogan is “rising up.” All of the jokes have already been made. I didn’t even have…

Rachel Krause / October 29, 2013

Viagra Overdose Leads To Penis Amputation For Colombian Politician

I feel pretty confident making a broad sweeping generalization about this: losing your penis is every man’s worst nightmare. For one Colombian politician, that nightmare became a reality after an overdose of Viagra. The 66-year-old man didn’t just suffer through an erection that lasted longer than four hours — his boner ached for “a few…

Jessica Wakeman / September 24, 2013

Enterprising Weirdo Shoves Fork Into His Peehole, Ends Up In Hospital

We’ve all done something stupid in the name of sex, usually involving one too many tequila sunrises and men with neck tattoos. But one Australian man puts us all to shame: he shoved a fork up his peehole. Yes, he shoved a piece of cutlery into his urethra. The 70-year-old Canberra man’s escapade was cataloged i…

Jessica Wakeman / August 19, 2013

A Penis Cake Pan’s Continued Quest For Relevancy

The penis cake pan’s struggle is oft-commemorated in poetry and song. Surely you remember the Dylan Thomas poem “Do Not Go Gentle Into That Good Night (Penis Cake Pan).” It goes:

Do not go gentle into that good night penis cake pan / Your novelty cake pan should burn and rave at close…

Julie Gerstein / August 17, 2013

Ke$ha Makes A Jewelry Line And Obviously There Are Penises

Kesha Rose by Charles Albert is the name of Ke$ha’s new jewelry line and it is everything you would expect it to be. The most striking pieces, however, come from her “Grow A Pear” Collection, which features small gold penises for your neck, fingers, and ears. The interesting part is that her penis-shaped jewelry i…

Mary Odell / August 5, 2013

Man’s Penis Bitten By A Snake Residing In His Toilet

It’s snake season in Israel, apparently, and those slithering menaces are everywhere. And yes, everywhere does include toilets. A 35-year-old man in Northern Israel was just going to the bathroom, minding his own business, when a small snake popped out of the toilet he was sitting on and bit him square on the penis.

Mary Odell / July 15, 2013

Doctor To Perform Vasectomies For A Live Audience To Make The World A Better Place

In honor of the inaugural World Vasectomy Day on October 18, Dr. Doug Stein of Florida wants to perform vasectomies at Adelaide’s Royal Institution of Australia. For a live audience. Fielding questions about the procedure. And streaming it online.

Mary Odell / July 10, 2013
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