I feel pretty confident making a broad sweeping generalization about this: losing your penis is every man’s worst nightmare. For one Colombian politician, that nightmare became a reality after an overdose of Viagra. The 66-year-old man didn’t just suffer through an erection that lasted longer than four hours — his boner ached for “a few days” after taking too many little blue pills. Doctors eventually had to amputate his “inflamed, fractured” penis after it showed signs of gangrene. GANGRENE ON HIS PENIS, YOU GUYS! Bruising on his testicles only exacerbated this gentleman’s horror, although fortunately his testicles are still attached.
Well, there’s one less politician with a willy he can photograph. Perhaps Anthony Weiner should be taking notes. [Raw Story] [Image of man looking at his penis via Shutterstock]
We’ve all done something stupid in the name of sex, usually involving one too many tequila sunrises and men with neck tattoos. But one Australian man puts us all to shame: he shoved a fork up his peehole. Yes, he shoved a piece of cutlery into his urethra. The 70-year-old Canberra man’s escapade was cataloged in a report called “An Unusual Urethral Foreign Body” from the International Journal of Surgery Case Reports. In a ballsy attempt to”achieve sexual gratification,” this elderly fella inserted the four-inch-long fork inside his penis … only to rush himself (or waddle slowly) to the emergency room when he couldn’t get it out. The fork was not visible from the outside, but could be felt by doctors. They were able to replenish his cutlery drawer using forceps and “copious lubrication.” Who knew the urethra could stretch so large! Just keep Grandpa away from the sporks, OK? [Huffington Post; News AU]
The penis cake pan’s struggle is oft-commemorated in poetry and song. Surely you remember the Dylan Thomas poem “Do Not Go Gentle Into That Good Night (Penis Cake Pan).” It goes:
Do not go gentle into that good night penis cake pan / Your novelty cake pan should burn and rave at close of day / Rage, rage against the dying of the penis cake pan.
It’s a very famous poem. What does one do with a penis cake pan after the bachelorette party/penis-themed seasonal bacchanal/fertility party is over? One brave woman put on her baking imaginarium cap and tried to figure it out. Check out her handy penis-work after the jump! [BForbel]
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Kesha Rose by Charles Albert is the name of Ke$ha’s new jewelry line and it is everything you would expect it to be. The most striking pieces, however, come from her “Grow A Pear” Collection, which features small gold penises for your neck, fingers, and ears. The interesting part is that her penis-shaped jewelry is already selling out! Ke$ha is not the first one to make genital-inspired jewelry, though she may be the most successful. Indie rocker, Grimes, also came out with a line of rings with vaginas on them, which she referred to as “pussy rings.” I guess there’s a hierarchy when it comes to classiness of genital-inspired jewelry. [Refinery 29; NYMag.com]
It’s snake season in Israel, apparently, and those slithering menaces are everywhere. And yes, everywhere does include toilets. A 35-year-old man in Northern Israel was just going to the bathroom, minding his own business, when a small snake popped out of the toilet he was sitting on and bit him square on the penis.
Although this is literally the last place a man wants to be bitten by anything, let alone a snake, he can at least be grateful that the snake was not venomous. The man is currently doing very well, but he will most likely have bite marks on the area in question. Keep reading »
In honor of the inaugural World Vasectomy Day on October 18, Dr. Doug Stein of Florida wants to perform vasectomies at Adelaide’s Royal Institution of Australia. For a live audience. Fielding questions about the procedure. And streaming it online. Keep reading »
Old people: they do what they want. And if they’re feeling pervy and want to ask a reporter “How’s ya dick hangin’?”, well, so be it. I am not going to get in the way of a centenarian trying to make a love connection. Are you? [YouTube via BroBible]
“The doctors told me I would never be able to have sex again because my injuries were so bad. But I’ve proved them wrong time and time again. I believe I’ve slept with 70 women since the incident. Being the most famous man to have his penis chopped off does have its advantages. It definitely has not hurt my love life — in fact it improved it. I guess some women got a kick out of saying they slept with John Wayne Bobbitt. …. [Howard Stern] offered to pay for a penis enlargement and I jumped at the chance. I still had not fully regained my confidence in that department and I thought it would help get back my self-esteem. The three-hour operation added just under two inches to the length. The plastic surgeon also made it thicker. I was lucky — everything went back to good working order. I joke it’s all ‘souped up’ now — like an ordinary car with a bigger engine. I can honestly say it’s never been better. … Obviously, I would have preferred not to go through all that pain and suffering. But being famous for my penis has given me opportunities I could not have ever imagined.”
––Every vicious assault has a silver lining? Or something? John Wayne Bobbit assured the UK’s Sun about how his willy is doing wonderfully after the 1993 assault by his then-wife, Lorena Bobbit. Lorena had been physically and sexually abused by her husband throughout their marriage; he allegedly raped her the night she cut his penis off with an eight-inch knife. Bobbitt had dick was sewn back on with surgery, went on to film some pornos, including one called “John Wayne Bobbitt Uncut,” and apparently has been livin’ up his D-list celebrity status. It’s hard to feel happy for him, though––he has several domestic violence arrests under his belt. Now he’s a born-again Christian and is writing an autobiography. [The Sun UK]
[Image of knife via Shutterstock]
Use of Sharpie. Check. Penis and balls. Check. Infantile potty humor. Check. These are all the key components needed for my entertainment. Behold the penis drawing machine, which is exactly what it sounds like: a contraption that doodles dicks with the press of a button. Where was this thing when I was in middle school? Earth Science would have been exponentially more exciting. [YouTube]
Non-theater geeks, gather ’round ye all and let me school you in the art of radical street theater. Really, there’s not much schooling to be done; the former actor in me wanted to write a pretentious sentence. But…street theater! It’s when performers take their acting to the street and engage real, unsuspecting onlookers as their audience. This is what members of the Nomadic Academy of Fools, a UK theater troupe, were doing when they hit Glastonbury High Street in a penis and vagina costume respectively to promote their forthcoming play.
“We’re trying to highlight the contradiction in society,” said Joanne Tremarco, the woman dressed as a vagina.
Um, obviously. I got it right away.But some non-theater loving fool, did not understand the message. He took offense to the walking, talking genitals and began to attack Chris Murray, the man dressed as a penis. Keep reading »