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The 13 Craziest Penis Accidents Ever

The Craziest Penis Accidents Ever

Colorado man, Kenneth Dejoie, got more than a roast beef sandwich when he visited his local Arby’s two years ago. Dejoie claims that he was “utilizing the urinal in the men’s restroom when it caused a jet of steam to shoot forth from the urinal and burn his genitals.” When he reported the incident to one of the employees he responded with “This happens when the sink in the kitchen is running.” That answer didn’t satisfy the man with the scalded sausage, so he decided to sue the fast food chain. He is seeking damages for financial losses, for not being able to have sex with his wife and for their all-around crappy food. I just added that last part. Something about the color of their roast beef has never seemed right to me. Now I understand why: They cook it in the urinal. We hope Dejoie and his penis get the compensation they deserve. Keep on clicking to hear about more really insane penis accidents. [CBS Denver]

Grab Those Snippers! San Francisco Judge Nixes Circumcision Ban On Ballot

Snip away, San Francisco! A judge ruled yesterday that the city cannot vote on whether to ban circumcision on the ballot next election. The ban, which was spearheaded by activist Lloyd Schofield, would have made “genital mutilation” of minors punishable by a $1,000 fine or a year in prison. The Jewish community was meshuggenah about the ban, as circumcising infants is part of their religious practice. But religious or moral reasons are not why Superior Court Judge Loretta Giorgi nixed the ballot initiative: she agreed there are compelling medical reasons for circumcision and laws regulating doctors and healing professions must be made on the state level. Schofield is expected to appeal. Keep reading »

Stephen Colbert Sends Up Summer’s Eve Douche Douchiness (NSFW)

Stephen Colbert is always on the lookout for injustice against menfolk. And where do men suffer the most than in the field of genital cleaning products? Women have long enjoyed empowering cleaning agents marketed to their dirty vaginas. But the poor, dirty penis? Shamefully ignored. What nerve!

When Summer’s Eve douche products unveiled their new “Hail To The V” commercials last week, Colbert could not take it any longer. This injustice has to stop. Thank God men now have Fresh Pine Dick Scrub so that you, like your lady counterparts, can screw around with what nature intended. May you never feel embarrassed about that not-so-fresh feeling ever again. [Colbert Nation] Keep reading »

Money Shot: Girl Opens Wide For Penis Dog

If you plan on visiting Taiwan anytime soon, you too can enjoy a penis dog. This sexy version of the more traditional hot dog on a stick can now be purchased from street vendors. Yum? [Doobybrain] Keep reading »

Today In Terribleness: Catherine Kieu Becker Puts Husband’s Penis In Garbage Disposal

Remember the name Catherine Kieu Becker because she is the new Lorena Bobbit. Last night, the 48-year-old California woman poisoned her husband’s dinner, tied him to the bed, cut his penis off with a knife, tossed it in the garbage disposal, and turned it on. Why? Becker told officers that her husband “deserved it.” Even though the couple was in the middle of a divorce, police did not find her motive acceptable. Ahem. I don’t believe there is anything a man could do to warrant his penis ending up in the garbage disposal. Becker was arrested and charged with aggravated mayhem, false imprisonment, assault with a deadly weapon, administering a drug with intent to commit a felony, poisoning and spousal abuse. Feel free to place your hands protectively over your crotch now, men and women. [KTLA] Keep reading »

Prince William Molds A Willy Out Of Clay

Before heading back across the pond after an exciting trip to North America, Prince William and Kate Middleton spent some time getting crafty with the kids at Los Angeles’ Inner City Arts yesterday. Dare I suggest that Prince William seems to be constructing a giant dong out of clay? Oh Willy! Keep reading »

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