Tag Archives: penis

You’re Welcome: “Your Dick Looks Great In Those Heels” Is Exactly What It Sounds Like (NSFW)

Click here for extremely NSFW version.

If you’ve ever wondered what happens in the tiny corners of the internet where people expose their most vulnerable selves, I have an answer: They put their hardened penises into women’s shoes. Keep reading »

A Brazilian Metro Train Passenger Got His Dong Stuck In The Closing Doors

OH GOD OUCH OW OW NO NO NO

File this under NOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!! A guy riding on São Paolo’s Metro train got his boner stuck in the doors when they closed. Watching the video, I was trying to see if the guy was making any motions of distress — it doesn’t look like it, but then again, he didn’t have much space to move (or else perhaps his boner wouldn’t have gotten stuck in the doors). Considering the urgency with which the Good Samaritan ran to the doors (instead of standing there filming it like a chucklehead), I’m going to bet the passenger was looking more than a little freaked out.

All hail the Good Samaritan boner rescuer! Oh, this poor guy. I hope he and his boner are OK. [Death and Taxes]

Give me a holler on Twitter.

Nick Jonas Drops Trou, Grabs His Junk In A New Photoshoot That’s Turning Me On

I never thought I’d say this, but I’m officially hot and bothered by one of the Jonas Brothers.

Nick Jonas is all grown up in a new issue of Flaunt Magazine, where the former boy-bander gives us a glimpse at his glorious ass dimples (yes, they’re actually nice, which is weird to me) AND his rather enticing package (which also seems very nice, but I will need further photographic evidence).

In an homage to Mark Wahlberg‘s infamous Calvin Klein ad, Nick stripped down and grabbed his junk wearing nothing but his boxer briefs, and while it looks kind of “college frat bro,” as Amelia says, I wouldn’t kick him out of bed for eating crackers. Hell, I don’t care if he eats a sardine sandwich, because THAT BODY. Keep reading »

Mom, Teens Allegedly Draw 100-Yard Penis On Football Field

Mom, Teens Allegedly Draw 100-Yard Penis On Football Field

A 50-year-old mom and two teenagers are the prime suspects in a vandalism case that’s tainted a football field in Temperance, Michigan.

Police have accused the trio of using grass killer to burn a 100-yard-long image of male genitalia into the turf, reports WDIV, disrupting the Bedford High School Kicking Mules schedule and causing between $15,000 and $20,000 in damage. Read more on Huffington Post Weird News…

Dealbreaker: He Kept Poking Me With His Boner

dealbreaker boner

I once had a boyfriend who woke me up nearly every morning with his boner.

He poked it into my back, then at my butt, again and again, again and again. At first, he did it half-jokingly, with a troublemaking grin and absurd thrusting motions. I swatted at him, told him to stop, squirmed away. He kept at it. The next day, when he didn’t get the hint, I rolled my eyes and let out several long Ughs. “Nice try, not happening,” I said.

He only got more frustrated. “Gawd, why do you have to be so boring!” He told me. “What’s wrong with you?” Keep reading »

This Woman Uses Nike+ To Draw Penises, Inspires Me To Start Running

Woman Uses Nike+ To Draw Penises, Inspires Me To Start Running

I hate running with a fiery passion. But thanks to one genius woman who has turned her exercise misery into something inappropriate, I am now inspired to lace up my old sneakers and sprint my little heart out. There’s nothing like hitting the pavement knowing that the calories you’re burning will eventually form a dick pic.

New national treasure, San Francisco’s Claire Wyckoff, has been using satellite-enabled exercise tracking technology from Nike+ to run courses and paths around the city that form  penises. We’re talking big ones, small ones, long ones, fat ones, everything. But per her Running Drawing Tumblr page, Claire doesn’t limit herself to just dicks— she also recently drew an extended middle finger and a stripper on a pole, for example. Basically, she’s the new Picasso. Keep reading »

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