I once had a boyfriend who woke me up nearly every morning with his boner.
He poked it into my back, then at my butt, again and again, again and again. At first, he did it half-jokingly, with a troublemaking grin and absurd thrusting motions. I swatted at him, told him to stop, squirmed away. He kept at it. The next day, when he didn’t get the hint, I rolled my eyes and let out several long Ughs. “Nice try, not happening,” I said.
He only got more frustrated. “Gawd, why do you have to be so boring!” He told me. “What’s wrong with you?” Keep reading »
I hate running with a fiery passion. But thanks to one genius woman who has turned her exercise misery into something inappropriate, I am now inspired to lace up my old sneakers and sprint my little heart out. There’s nothing like hitting the pavement knowing that the calories you’re burning will eventually form a dick pic.
New national treasure, San Francisco’s Claire Wyckoff, has been using satellite-enabled exercise tracking technology from Nike+ to run courses and paths around the city that form penises. We’re talking big ones, small ones, long ones, fat ones, everything. But per her Running Drawing Tumblr page, Claire doesn’t limit herself to just dicks— she also recently drew an extended middle finger and a stripper on a pole, for example. Basically, she’s the new Picasso. Keep reading »
Not satisfied with the size of your sausage? Feeling bad about the brat that you got? Is your wiener simply the wurst? Guess where 18 percent of all penis enlargements in the world took place. Find out on Huffington Post…
You know how sometimes you go to the hairdresser asking for just a trim, but you worry that they’ll get chop-happy and cut off more than you asked for? Well, imagine that happening to your penis.
A man named Johnny Lee Banks Jr. recently went to the hospital for a routine circumcision (in as much as getting circumcised as an adult is routine), and woke up from surgery to find that they had amputated his penis. We’re talking gone with the wind, people. Rightfully so, Johnny and his wife, Zelda, are now suing the Princeton Baptist Medical Center in Alabama for the botched job and for their personal suffering from the incident. Keep reading »
Perhaps you remember the story of Andre Johnson (aka Christ Bearer), the rapper who, back in April, cut off his own penis (second item) and then jumped off a second floor balcony. (He claims he was high on PCP at the time, making this story pretty much the best PCP deterrent I’ve ever heard.) Well, there’s good news! In May, doctors were able to complete a successful surgical reattachment of Johnson’s johnson and that it’s now “fully functional” again. Um, really? That’s amazing!
“Does it work?! Can Chris Brown dance? Can Kanye West rant? Can Jay Z fight off a trick?” Johnson yelled in a video you can watch on TMZ. Keep reading »