If there’s one thing I’ve learned writing these columns, it’s that you ladies have penis on the brain. Which is why I’m going to admit that my penis is so huge, so gargantuan, that when I get excited, I barely have enough skin with which to whistle. Seriously. It’s like three grapefruits in a gym sock. Trash bags are my preferred prophylactic. I ain’t bragging or nothin’.
Does size really matter? How do you know your vagina isn’t all floppy? I knew a dude once who described sleeping with a woman as “driving a hatchback through the Lincoln Tunnel.” I am convinced y’all make so much of a fuss about size as a passive-aggressive way to get back at dudes who you perceive as judging you solely by your boobs, waist, and butt. But when it comes to sex, good sex, bite-mark-on-the-shoulder sex, we are the sum of our physical, and emotional, parts. Otherwise, you’re not having sex. You’re just slapping bits. Keep reading »
On the newest episode of “The Real World: Brooklyn” (the show started last week and has been relatively boring), one of the male housemates made a big show of having to use Magnum condoms. Oh really dude? Seriously, there is no bigger marketing scam than Magnums, except maybe New Coke, only New Coke failed, and Magnums, for whatever reason, are still on shelves. Keep reading »
Recently, I described a mutual friend to my friend T. as “the guy with the big c**k.” Then I felt a little guilty, like I was giving away a huge (zing!) secret; she was surprised at this description, having never thought about him in a sexual way, whereas I meant it as both a compliment and simply what I remember best about our time as f**k buddies. It also made me remember another guy with a unique but still vexing sexual problem: the too-big dick. Yes, ladies and gentlemen, there is such a thing as too much when it comes to penis size. Bigger is not necessarily better, and while I’ve been with one or two guys who bordered on overly large, this one should win some sort of booby prize. Keep reading »
We all have insecurities don’t we? When I was a teenager, I was hit with a triple dose of the fuglies, getting glasses, braces, and a raging case of acne within a two month period. I don’t think the insecurity that arose during that time has ever gone away completely, though now I worry more about my muffin top than I do about my skin. That said, some women obsess way too much about their so-called “imperfections”. But what about dudes? Do they spend hours starring in the mirror, willing the gigantic whiteheads between their brows to go away? I decided to ask the guys on my IM about men and body insecurities. When none of them brought up the size of their penis, I, of course, asked. Keep reading »
“The guy I’m dating is seriously under-endowed. Is this a total deal-breaker?” — Dick-appointed, via email
Have you had sex already? If you have, then you know the answer better than I do. Just ask yourself this: Was it good?
When women experience orgasms during sex, it usually has nothing to do with how far in a penis goes or how wide. Most women’s orgasms are clitoral, and are achieved when pressure from the man’s pelvic bone rubs against her. The G-spot (which needs to be stimulated in order for a vaginal orgasm to be achieved) doesn’t exist in every woman, but those who do have it can reach it with their finger. I don’t know when the last time you measured your finger was (I measure mine all the time), but it’s not that long. Get my drift?
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