5. “My man gives real loving that’s why I call him Killer/He’s not a wham-bam-thank-you-ma’am, he’s a thriller/He takes his time and does everything right/Knocks me out with one shot for the rest of the night/He’s a real smooth brother, never in a rush/And he gives me goose pimples with every single touch”—Salt ‘N’ Pepa featuring En Vogue, “Whatta Man”, Very Necessary
This is, like, the ultimate man objectification song. Remember how awesome the video was, with Pepa in the bathtub? I wish Salt could get it together so there could be a real reunion.

Let me just start this post off by saying that you should probably listen to the above video with your headphones on if you’re at home or in the company of small, impressionable children, especially ones that enjoy The Muppet Show. Behold, one of the greatest video dubs ever—Miss Piggy and the rest of her crew rocking out to the splendid Peaches’ tune “F*ck The Pain Away”. Kermit has never felt such a mighty lust coming his way.

Valentine’s Day was a big date night feast and some of us poor suckers starved to death. Sometimes the buffet of singles doesn’t look so hot, but eventually you’ll have to eat something.  Whether it’s tonight, tomorrow, or sometime in the future, you will be showing off your feminine wiles all in the hopes that someone will treat you to a meal. This important mating ritual requires a certain amount of finesse. And baby, we know you got it! Now it’s time to flaunt it. When you’re getting ready for a date you need to do three key things:
1. Look hot.
2. Feel hot.
3. Get yourself in the mood.