Paula Abdul must’ve decided she was going to be the belle of the ball last night at the American Music Awards, so she really made a splash on the red carpet. She needed not one, not two, but THREE lackeys to help her navigate that Enzoani dress. Hope those kids got some free champers after that. [Los Angeles, 11/22/09]

Amy Poehler visits “Inside the Actor’s Studio” tonight at 7 p.m. On the show, James Lipton gets Amy to do her Paula Abdul impression. Her imitation of the ex-“American Idol” judge is exactly like Paula’s real-life wacky and nonsensical way of talking, and we’re pretty sure there weren’t any muscle relaxers involved. Check it out in the above video, starting about one minute in.

Last night, VH1 held their annual “Divas” concert, featuring Kelly Clarkson, Miley Cyrus, and Jordin Sparks, even though attaching the label “diva” to these gals is questionable. During the show, which coincidentally took place at the Brooklyn Academy of Music right down the road from my apartment, host Paula Abdul made a funny. She dressed up as Ellen DeGeneres, who’s replacing her as a judge on “American Idol” this season, and imitated her dopest dance moves, grooving her way over to a replica of Ellen’s set. “Why y’all staring at me? Can’t a girl try out a new job?” she said. “All kidding aside—nothing but love Ellen. And I wish you the best of luck on the new gig. And you gotta call me if you have any Simon problems because, well, I know him best.”

Fox has jut announced that they’ve found a replacement for Paula Abdul on “American Idol.” The new judge who will be sitting alongside Simon Cowell, Randy Jackson, and Kara DioGuardi? Ellen DeGeneres. Ellen released this statement:

“I’m thrilled to be the new judge on American Idol. I’ve watched since the beginning, and I’ve always been a huge fan. So getting this job is a dream come true, and think of all the money I’ll save from not having to text in my vote. Hopefully I’m the people’s point of view because I’m just like you. I sit at home and I watch it. … I’m not looking at it in a critical way from the producer’s mind. I’m looking at it as a person who is going to buy the music and is going to relate to that person. I’m going to have a day job and a night job. The times we’re living in ... we’re all doing that.”

So, Fox managed to find someone with greater STAR QUALITY than Abdul, but Ellen also has less—and it hurts to say this—of a musical background. So what do we think of this news? Will it make the show as entertaining? [DListed]

“American Idol” and Paula Abdul are stringing us along in a wicked game of will-they-or-won’t-they, and our hearts can take it no longer. Just when we were trying to move on after the Paula-“Idol” breakup and were getting kind of excited over the fact that Posh Spice, Katy Perry, Mary J. Blige, Shania Twain, and Joe Jonas would be stepping in to guest judge the “Idol” auditions, Paula’s dropped a bomb. She and “Idol” aren’t completely finished, and she may run back to the show after all. Paula, don’t mess with our hearts like that!

“American Idol” judge Simon Cowell is getting a huge raise. A year ago, he made a measly $36 million per season. Now, according to People, he’ll be taking home $45 mill a year. We find this particularly interesting because, as the New York Times reported today, one of the reasons Paula Abdul left “Idol”—besides resenting the fact that the network brought on Kara DioGuardi to be a second female judge and that her co-workers didn’t stand up for her during the drug-abuse allegations—was that they wouldn’t give her a raise from $3.5 million a year to $10 million a year. While Paula looks at other options, this got us thinking: How much do our favorite female television personalities make? And how do they stack up to Sir Simon’s mega paycheck?

• Over many seasons of “American Idol,” contestants and viewers alike became familiar with the sometimes incoherent ramblings of Paula Abdul. Now that she’s decided to leave the show, producers have come up with a creative solution on how to replace her. Contestants auditioning for the next season of “American Idol” will not only have to get over stage fright, but they’ll need to stop themselves from being starstruck. For the auditions, Paula will be replaced by a rotating cadre of actual celebrities, a new star in each of the seven cities. Yesterday, we found out Victoria Beckham would be one of the guest judges. Now Katy Perry is in. Producers are scrambling to find five more. [E! Online]

Poor, poor Paula Abdul. Her time with “American Idol” has been over for barely 24 hours and the media could not wait to move on. The big announcement that Posh Spice will be making a guest-judge appearance is completely overshadowing the sadness of the Abdul-“Idol” split. I can’t help but give into the media frenzy and be super excited about Posh’s appearance, since it’s going to be totally awesome. Alas, it’s only temporary—for a single show. So I wonder, Who are they going to replace Paula with permanently? I guess there’s the chance that the judging panel will shrink down to three with Kara DioGuardi being the only lady in the pack. But I want someone new! Here’s who I think would make snug fits on the “American Idol” season nine judging panel.

I once found myself in an elevator with Paula Abdul. And we got it on.

Kidding.

But she did say that she loved my dress. And boots. It’s not exactly a claim to fame, given that the girl looked all sorts of sloppy and sad with loads of makeup and weird pirate hooker boots. As she teetered out of the elevator a few floors below me, I couldn’t help but feel a twinge of sadness at the sight of her in that silly red coat carrying a tacky leopard-print bag. Clearly, her good days are few and far between of late, and we have to wonder what her fate will be now that she’s bailed on Idol.

But running across the video from her ‘80s hit “Straight Up” the other day reminded me of a time when Paula wasn’t the hot mess that she is now. In fact, she looked kind of bangin’ and got us thinking about stealing her style. Here’s how we’d do it:

Paula Abdul announced she would not be returning to “American Idol” via her Twitter last night. But… but… who is going to supply the contestants with tacky HSN jewelry and pearls of non-wisdom? [via DListed]

Auditions for the next season of “American Idol” are fast approaching, but wannabe singers may not be the only ones who are asked to leave the stage. Judge Paula Abdul‘s contract is up and she hasn’t been offered a new one yet. The producers are keeping quiet about what they plan do to with Paula, which is pissing off her reps. Paula’s manager said, “It does not appear that she’s going to be back on ‘Idol.’” Rumors that Paula may be leaving have sparked a “Keep Paula” movement on Twitter. It’s the second highest topic on the Twitterverse, right after “Indonesia Unite” and right before ... “SpongeBob?” If Paula is giving up her judge’s chair, whatever will she do with her life? Here are our suggestions. [LA Times]

This just in from the Department of No-Duh: Paula Abdul has fessed up to Ladies Home Journal that she’s been fighting an addiction to pain killers. For 12 years, Ms. Straight Up was anything but, shooting syringes of lidocaine into her butt before graduating to a don’t-try-this-at-home pain killer patch that’s 80 percent stronger than morphine. [NYDN]

2008 is almost history, and it definitely made some. We saw plenty of highs—the election of the first African-American President—and lows—the stock market dip—but as we look back at a year of extremes, our jaw still drops at these unbelievably shocking moments…

1. Janet Jackson, “If” You may be saying to yourself, “Wait, why not ‘Rhythm Nation’?” Because everyone assumes that “Rhythm Nation” is Janet’s best dance video, but it’s not. “If” is much dirtier. See for yourself.

WHAT was Randy wearing on last night’s season finale of American Idol. So fashion forward (or classic?) to sport a red blazer with a white border and an ascot?!?! And I feel like I may have missed something by turning on my TV a bit late, but why are the Davids wearing matching outfits? Well, except for David Cook’s interesting choice of accessories. That necklace and pocket scarf really added something. At least Paula had some wise words for the two: “Sometimes we think it’s all about winning, but it’s the things sometimes that we lose that reminds us how truly special we are as people.” Deep.