Earlier this week, Iowa man Jerald Reiter was arrested with a zebra and a parrot in his car. But that’s not what got him busted. No, it seems Reiter was arrested for driving under the influence and was put in handcuffs in the parking lot of the (wait for it) Dog House Bar.
Here’s why I love Jerald. He says his zebra and his parrot were there because they like going for rides. You know, as zebras and parrots do. He and girlfriend (bummer) Vickey Teters say the two animals are like the couple’s babies, and they go everywhere together. Jerald says he knew he was too drunk to drive and was in the process of scooching over to the passenger seat when the police showed up. A likely story.
So many questions for Jerald. Like, how’d he procure a zebra? Where does the zebra sleep? Can he hook me up with one? Let’s work it out guy! [Neatorama]
Being a single gal is fun and can even allow you to get a little extra freaky! But sometimes the pendulum swings the other way — not knowing where your next piece of ass will come from can leave you in a sad dry spell, and even the professionals aren’t immune. Heidi Fleiss, the infamous Hollywood madam, had it all. And by “it” we mean every A-list actor in LA. Not only did she score the top booty, they paid her well to do it too! At the height of her career she had Marlon Brando, Jack Nicholson, Charlie Sheen, and a Porsche. In 1997, she was thrown into an unsexy pair of handcuffs, put in jail, and left penniless for her escort service. Now, at 42, the former working girl has opened her own shop in podunk Pahrump, NV. Strangely enough, even though prostitution is legal in Nevada, she’s not putting the rump in Pahrump. Instead of a ring of call girls, she’s in charge of the spin cycles at her little launderette cleverly called “Dirty Laundry.” She’s cleaning clothes and cleaning up her act while living in a mobile home with 20 parrots she saved from a closing pet store. “I love those birds more than I’ve ever loved any man,” Heidi said in a recent interview. “It’s been two years since I had sex and I don’t care if I ever do it again.” Sigh, we’ve all been through a sexless rough patch and it’s hard to pull yourself out — even if you’re the Madam Fleiss (and especially if you’re a crazy bird lady). But, Heidi, you just have to get back up on the man-horse and ride! Everyone in America knows you can do it. [NOTW]
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