Originally appeared on Role/Reboot. Republished here with permission.
I threw away all my underwear today. Scratch that. Today, I threw away all of my underwear that would be classified as “lacy little things,” “thongs,” or, in Victoria’s Secret parlance, “cheekies.” Scratchy, itchy, barely-there? It had to go.
I have never lived alone, but in two weeks I will be moving into my first solo apartment. I will be sans-roommate, single girl-ing all up in this city; I am woman, hear me roar! Among the many horrid chores of moving, there is one beacon of joy: the Great Purge. I am a packrat by nature — note every 5K bib I’ve preserved, the melted plastic cup twisted by a deck fire, the tile from the floor of a hostel in San Juan — but moving is the kick in the butt I need to separate what I hoard sentimentally (all of the above) and what I hoard lazily.
The underwear is lazy. No pair has been purchased in the last four years. No pair has been worn more than five times. No pair brings a smile to my face or a steamy memory to the forefront of my mind. The truth, quite simply, is that I hate them all. About a hundred bucks and eight ounces of lace and elastic are now buried by garbage and I feel fantastic. Keep reading »
Back in April, I promised myself that I was going to do a much needed cleaning out my underwear drawer. I’m going to be real with you: it still hasn’t happened. Instead, all I’ve done is buy MORE panties. I can’t resist the seven pairs for $26.50 at Aerie. It’s such a good deal! So, when I discovered that after my latest panty spree, I really can’t close my underwear drawer, I knew my undie hoarding problem was getting serious. This is not the case with bras. I only own, like, three bras to my 300 pairs of underwear. The problem is that I get sentimentally attached to my undies and can’t throw them away. They are not panties, they are memories. The first step is talking about some of the most important (no longer necessary to keep) pairs in my underwear drawer. Maybe this will give me the strength to toss them … and the 265 other pairs I don’t need. Keep reading »
Spring Cleaning Week is forcing me to confront my hoarding tendencies. I know that hoarding is a serious mental illness that causes severe problem for many people. I don’t mean to use the term with any disrespect. I’m not a hoarder by any stretch of the imagination. But let’s just put it this way: I can barely close my underwear drawer anymore. It’s getting to be a problem. I’m really good at buying new underwear, but not so much at throwing the old pairs away. Like, for instance, I still have a pair of paisley-printed, ’70s style briefs that my mother gave me in HIGH SCHOOL (I graduated from high school in 1996). They don’t fit anymore on account of the fact that they’ve been washed so many times that they no longer contain any elastic. They just fall right off my body. Yet, I can’t seem to bring myself to put them in the garbage can. They’re just so unique. Keep reading »
High school students wear underwear. Middle schoolers, even!
Crazy, I know. That’s who Victoria’s Secret’s new line, Bright Young Things, is targeting: the girls who are a little too young for the Pink line of mostly cotton panties, thongs, sweatpants and tees.
This is making lots of people upset.
Pink’s Bright Young Things line is an extension of those products, but marketed directly towards teens and tweens. Panties from the Bright Young Things lime include lacy panties and thongs with slogans reading “Feeling Lucky?”, “Call Me” and “Wild.” Said Limited Brands’ Chief Financial Officer Stuart Burgdoerfer at a conference in January, “When somebody’s 15 or 16 years old, what do they want to be? They want to be older, and they want to be cool like the girl in college, and that’s part of the magic of what we do at Pink.” Keep reading »
A few weeks ago, we asked readers to vote on a post they wanted me to write. The winner was BS facts about panties everyone thinks is true. Here it is!
It’s weird how we learn stuff about how to be a woman, isn’t it? I don’t know about you, but my mom never sat down and talked with me about the horrors of visible panty lines (VPL) or the merits of thongs versus G-strings. I just soaked up these things through girly osmosis.
Except all of it may not be … true.
Keep reading »