The only good reason I can come up with for GPS panties is if they had a little pocket where you could store your little baggie of diamonds or other valuables. That way, if you left the panties somewhere and needed to find them again, the GPS would be able to help. But that is not the reason Panchira Corp. created Forget-Me-Not Panties! No, their reasons are far more stalker-y. Their motto is “protect her privates,” and the panties are for dudes to give as gifts to the women in their lives—when they suspect they could be cheating or coming home late at night. The GPS transmits the info to a cell phone and can even measure heart rate and temperature levels. That way these freaky, suspicious dudes can know when their girlfriends are hot and horny. If all that’s not creepy enough, check out the two testimonials on the site, after the jump.

Most heartthrobs get panties thrown at them. Robert Pattinson just gets panties. Hey, if your tampon leaks, Panties Pattinson can have actual blood dribbling down his chin! [Robert Pattinson Life]

What would your panties (eww, hate that word) do if they had the day off from the constraints of being the most over-worked and under-appreciated undergarments? Perhaps they would take flight as they do in this Japanese cartoon, “Sora no Otoshimono.” Does anyone know what that means in Japanese? All of these pairs of underwear flapping in the breeze inspired a guy to actually create a real-life pair of flying schoolgirl panties. OK, that’s just slightly creepy. Watch them take to the sky after the jump. [BuzzFeed]

Full coverage isn't just for period panties anymore. When we opened the current issue of Marie Claire with Ashley Olsen on the cover, we were a little shocked to see her wearing granny panties -- and making them look good. High-waisted briefs made the August cover of German Vogue, too. Then, while browsing for underwear online, we noticed that Hanky Panky has a few retro styles featuring a significant amount of fabric compared to their very tiny signature thongs. Has the understated sexiness of "Mad Men" rubbed off on the underwear business? For years, it's been "less is more" when it comes to undies, but now you might be able to find a pair that actually covers your butt and makes you feel sexy. But do they look like they belong in your grandmother's underwear drawer?

1. Rago Lace High Waist Brief Panty, $39, Her Room
2. Hanky Panky Silken Skin High Rise Panty, $38, Revolve Clothing
3. Hanro Grace Full Briefs, $43, Nordstrom
4. Bernie Dexter for Lucy B. Lingerie Black Power Net Vintage Repro Girdle, $56, Baby Girl Boutique

It was a total misunderstanding that one time I bought a woman I was dating sexy lingerie, the slinky, lacy kind that looked like it was made out of the doilies that decorated my grandmother’s beloved sofa. She thought I was disingenuously buying her a gift that was really a gift for me. I protested, of course, because it was never my idea to veer into Victoria Secret’s during one of our weekend shopping excursions that were theoretically about her training me to be, if not fashion forward, then at least fashion neutral. A happy compromise, considering I, apparently, was clinging to late-‘90s fashion like a koala bear to the last eucalyptus tree on Earth. But, in fact, these sprees were about her dragging me by the throat to store after store.

I am a big fan of “alone time” and “space,” which is one of the many reasons I will not be buying a pair of Fundies underwear anytime soon. Some things in life were indeed built for two: See-saws, cats cradle, thumb war, patty cake, etc. Underwear, not so much. Perhaps I am just a square or closed-minded, but I am an only child and I was never good at sharing. From a style point of view, Fundies are not horrific. Boring, yes, but I am not going to avert my eyes in disgust. That being said, I don’t think Fundies were created or are bought for style reasons. Oh yes, this product is meant to live in kinky-ville. Not that Fundies look particularly sexy-time to me, but maybe that’s just because I am imagining the logistical difficulties of two people trying to get into these. I doubt the packaging says this, but it should contain a warning for the uncoordinated. All joking aside, I recommend buying these. Not only are they dirt cheap, but it’s always good to have a gag gift or two around the house. I also feel like promoting this classic if only because it has been around for decades and has had the same packaging for over 20 years. To survive so long in the ever changing fashion world, that earns my respect. [$9.99, Fundies, ShopInPrivate.com}

This is one of those head-scratcher products I’m not sure who would want to buy. This Souffrez Pour Moi underwear is made with “artfully placed seams, beads, and textured fabric to create intimate, temporary patterns in the skin.” I don’t know about you, but if I ever discovered an “intimate, temporary pattern” on my skin, I’d make an appointment with my doctor and be tempted to warn any previous sex partners of the new development. The underwear isn’t meant to just be worn, though, oh, no — it’s supposed to provoke thought, too, on “how beauty and suffering are subtly intertwined.” Call me crazy, but I don’t think there’s anything subtle — or beautiful, for that matter — about bejeweled panties. If the underwear saves some women from getting lower back tattoos, though, I’ll give it my blessing. [Generate via Random Good Stuff]

Every woman’s got ‘em: the panties ruined by Nature’s special, beautiful, magical gift to your ladyparts.  You might be thrilled that Bingo’s tadpoles didn’t penetrate the love glove, but that still doesn’t mean you aren’t pissed your white, lacy Victoria’s Secret thong looks like a Jackson Pollack painting.

Typically, girls wear sexy underwear at all times because, even if we know no one is going to see them, we just feel better about ourselves when we know we look pretty underneath.  But the three to seven days of the month when all we do is cry and eat Cherry Garcia is an exception!  Whether they were formerly-cute panties sneak attacked by Aunt Flo or nasty knickers you bought just to stain, here’s the five types of period panties every woman’s got: 

The great panties debate—thongs, boy shorts, or granny panties—just got a new contender now that Wacoal, a Japanese lingerie company, is selling loincloths for women. Loincloths, called “fundoshi” in Japanese, are traditionally worn by men, but are rare nowadays. Women, however, could bring them back into fashion since they’re more liberating than conventional, body-hugging underwear or thongs. “We wanted young women to have a more sense of freedom and release,” said Tomoka Okamura, merchandise director for Wacoal’s Nanafun loincloths for women. “And as we tried to come up with the ultimate liberation item for women, we thought of a fundoshi.” Wacoal has sold more than 5,000 at a price of around $13 since December. At first, we thought a loincloth for women seemed impractical. After all, women do have a tendency to leak at times. But these actually look more comfortable and freeing than traditional underwear.

For those of us who fantasize about losing weight while sitting around in our underwear, a chemistry company, of all things, may have the answer to our dreams. Japan-based company Teijin has just announced the development of underwear that can burn away body fat. The magic underwear is made of a “Nanofront” fiber that’s said to be 200,000 times more flexible than conventional polyester fibers. Apparently, the fibers are so thin, a strand of hair is 7,500 times thicker. I have no idea how all this equates to a smaller waist, but the company claims that people who have worn the underwear in experiments for “40 consecutive days lowered their body fat by ‘several percent’ and consequently reduced waist size by several centimeters.” Wow, several centimeters! That leaves enough room for a whole extra tic-tac in your daily diet. “All that wearers need to do is let the fabric hug their skin to generate friction resistance when they go about their daily routines.” Sounds kinda dirty. The company hopes to have the fat-burning underwear perfected in time for next year’s spring/summer season. In the meantime, we should probably hold on to our gym memberships. [via CrunchGear]

Peacock feather barrettes are all the rage right now. But because you’re a fabulous girl, we know you want to mix it up a little saucier than just snapping a feathered clip into your locks. These peacock plumage undies come in a blue or green pattern with lace ruffles around the thighs, so it’s up to you to decide what kind of colorful bird you’d like to be underneath your clothes. Undies are supposed to be about strutting and showing off your goods, anyway, right? [$12.99, Modcloth.com]

Lucia Lorio, a luxury lingerie designer, has created a “Find Me If You Can” bra and panties set that comes with its own GPS tracking system. On the side of the sheer white bodice, a black device has been stitched into the hem—ostensibly so your lover knows where you are. Needless to say, many are calling the set made for stalking a “modern day chastity belt.” However, Lorio defends her product: “In London, New York, Rio de Janeiro—wherever there is danger, the underwear may prove to be a lifesaver.” Ironically, it looks like the lingerie equivalent of the GPS ankle bracelet that sex offenders on parole have to wear. Lorio’s selling her high-tech undergarment system for a grand a piece, plus the monthly monitoring fee. It seems like a rip off for something that’s supposed to get ripped off you, and it’s creepy to think about someone trying to keep tabs on your location, especially by tracking your underpants. Consider yourself warned, ladies. It’s all fun and games getting followed via your lingerie—until you realize you’re living in 1984, and Big Brother’s in your underwear drawer. [Daily Mail]

Watermelon is the new Viagra, only with seeds! [Asylum]

Matthew McConaughey and Camila Alves named their little baby boy Levi. Sigh. Cooter Adonis was sooo much cuter. Oh well. [DListed]

Peephole panties offer “butt cleavage.”[Tango]

What to expect at sex therapy. [Dear Sugar]

How to navigate the bar like, uh, one of The Frisky editors. [Shine.Yahoo]

Get ready to pay for pricey bottled water—it’s summer music festival season! [Matador Nights]

Can Madonna spin her way out of this latest mess? [Showbiz Tonight]

While sexy paper underwear may seem impractical, they’ve been selling like hot cakes in Kuala Lampur!  The Chinese population in Malaysia just celebrated their “day of the dead”, the Qingming Festival, this past Friday.  The holiday is commemorated with burnt offerings made at the graves of deceased relatives. And apparently this is the only time it’s socially acceptable to buy risqué panties for your granny, since the goal is to furnish your late family members with the things they’ll need in the afterlife. Aside from lingerie, cell phones, model houses, and paper money are also popular presents, so basically their dead relatives all must be rappers, right? [Inquirer.net]

• This underwear looks like you forgot to shave/wax/laser off a bunch of hair down there. The look is kind of asymmetrical actually. Wear a pair right after getting a bikini wax to mix things up. [Miss & Lady’s Boutique]
• When baking gingerbread men gets old, whip up a few sex position sugar cookies. Bet they’re extra tasty! [Pipparkakan]
• People are always associating mirrors with kinky sex, so why not buy one that says it outright (in a tasteful manner, of course)? This black framed mirror would be oh-so-subtle if hung above your bed. Nighty-night! [Comunistar]

Burlesque star and Marilyn Manson’s ex-wife Dita Von Teese is the new face (and body, obvi) of Frederick’s of Hollywood’s Holiday Collection. We expected Dita, who writhes around in a giant cocktail glass during her act, to class up the joint, but even she can’t fight the flurry of maribu feathers and crotchless thongs. All in all, this is a great place to shop for Christmas gifts for the girl who has everything…except prostitute panties. [Frederick’s of Hollywood]