Zergnet: Simply Irresistible
Tag Archives: oral sex
We love sex. You love sex. Well, that’s out of the way.
Seeing as we’re both in agreement over the importance of sex, the excitement of sex, the giggle-inducing, gasp-inspiring, slow-motion tsunami of gooseflesh-triggering awesomeness of sex, we can move on to why it is we can’t really talk about S-E-X.
Women think men are mysterious when it comes to knocking boots, or worse, single-minded and simplistic. We’re not. You’re mysterious, and that’s not playground rhetoric. The difference between what we want and what you want, our needs and yours, is the difference between banal home theater instruction manuals and more exotic hieroglyphics.
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“I hate giving blow jobs, but my boyfriend loves them. How can we compromise?” — Not Into Head, via email
Sssssshhh!!! Are there any boys around you right now?? Did anybody hear you?? I hope for your sake there aren’t, because if that sentiment got around, you might as well have a scarlet letter on your shirt.
Lemme clue you in to something: EVERY MAN LOVES BLOW JOBS. Your boyfriend is not lying. So you know what that means? You+blowjobs=new best friends.
“Do any guys NOT enjoy oral sex? Do they enjoy it more than actual sex? — Seeking Sucking Stats, Duck, NC
A guy that doesn’t like oral sex is like a monkey not liking bananas. If they ever found one, they’d put it in a museum instead of a zoo. Very few people (girls and guys) don’t like oral sex. I mean, who doesn’t want to sit back and relax while someone else does all the work? But that doesn’t mean we want oral sex all of the time. I’d say guys prefer an 80-20 ratio of sex to blow jobs.
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Faster than a speeding bullet, more powerful than a locomotive, and able to leap tall people in a single bound….no it’s not Superman. It’s super bacterium gonorrhea! The microscopic crotch grabber is the strongest organism on the planet and much like promiscuous lovers, it can pull more than its fair share of tail, or, in this case, pili. Forget about bending steel, these little bacteria buggers can drag 100,000 times their body weight which is basically like a human hauling 22 million pounds of crap (or Carrie Bradshaw’s shoe rack). Keep reading »
“Is there a secret to being awesome at oral sex? I’m not sure if I’m doing it well, and I’m not about to discuss my technique with my friends.” — Needing Lessons, Santa Fe, NM
The real secret to oral sex that nobody ever talks about is that you have to be into it! You know how passionate you get about buying shoes or watching the latest episode of America’s Next Top Model? Put that same gleeful cheer into fellatio, and you’ll have your guy going through the roof.
With that said, there’s a few “tricks of the trade” (I totally sound like a hooker) that will spice up the average beej. My favorites, after the jump… Keep reading »
When youâ€™re a struggling actor, getting cast in a commercial is a big deal. But when you go on to become a teacher and the commercial gets posted on YouTube and discovered by your students, itâ€™s an even bigger deal. Especially when your â€œactingâ€ means pretending to do it on a desk. British teacher Sarah Greene has been suspended from her job because of her participation in a racy commercial for a clothing company years ago. We think the commercial is kind of amazing — plus, she advocates safe sex in the ad by pulling out a condom. [The Daily Mirror] Keep reading »