Because fruit bats, it seems, have been doing it just as long as us. Very few animals engage in oral sex, but according to scientific research, fruit bats are all about blowies. During copulation the female fruit bat “lowers her head to lick the shaft or the base of the male’s penis but does not lick the glans penis which has already penetrated the vagina.” And the male bats love it so much that if the female bat gives them a little licky-licky during copulation, they’re likely to last longer. HAWT. [PLoS ONE]

An Ohio woman must have meant to call her shrink and not the police when she reported a crime of passion in her home. What was the crime? Her daughter had performed oral sex on her husband. (He’s the girl’s stepfather.) I think that’s against the law of basic human appropriateness, but unfortunately there is no legislation for oral sex in the state of Ohio. But oddly enough, the woman wasn’t actually upset about the BJ—she was upset about the quality of the BJ. Apparently, her daughter was better at it. The police did not show up with handcuffs (these loonies would probably think the police were showing up for a kinky orgy), but I’m hoping that they suggested serious therapy for all parties involved. Excuse me while I pick my jaw up off the floor. [Metro]

Oral sex, we all love to receive it. But some peeps have a harder time giving:

I have what I feel is an embarrassing situation. I am in a long term, steady relationship with my boyfriend, and, in general, things are great. There is only one little problem in our sex life ... he goes down on me, he loves it, I love it, and life is great, but I cannot seem to do the same for him. I am so embarrassed and I don’t know what to do! I gag or feel nauseous every time I try. He says it’s not a big deal, but I know it’s something he wants and something I want to be able to give him. Is there any way for me to get over what seems like a weird, childish type of response?  If not, will he hold it against me, or do you think he means it when he says it’s not a big deal?

 

This morning we asked if you should dump a guy if he won’t give you oral sex. So far, the majority of you—nearly 50 percent—have said, “Yes. If he’s a selfish lover, he’ll be selfish in other ways too. See ya!” A little over 36 percent of you are willing to tolerate it, so long as he doesn’t expect you to go down on him, while a mere 16.5 percent believe that lack of oral sex would be a ridiculous reason to dump someone. But because we like to play fair, we decided to ask the same question of the guys on our IM. Do they think you should dump a woman if she won’t give blow jobs? Their answers, after the jump.

In the November issue of Glamour, the mag polled readers about whether you should break up with a guy who won't give oral sex. Our friends Em and Lo argued that, no, you shouldn't dump him because he may dislike the "texture or flavor or scent" or he may not know what to do down there -- "cut him some slack," they suggest, so long as he doesn't expect to receive oral sex. That sounded like a fairly diplomatic way of looking at it, but the fact is the majority of women get off on oral sex, not intercourse. If you were dating someone who wouldn't go down on you, would you give him the ol' heave-ho?

• Your Tango got to the bottom of why men really enjoy oral sex. [Your Tango]—You know, I expected the responses to be something like: “Duh, it feels good.” But I can see how a man would feel accepted and even more intimate from fellatio.
• And that’s not all! Men have nipples. You have permission to touch them. But here’s how to do it right.  [Em & Lo]
• Poland passed a law recently that makes chemical castration mandatory for some pedophiles upon release from prison. [Reuters]

The Frisky’s own Leonora has just moved to France, and we miss her already! She’s having all kinds of new experiences, I’m sure. Fondling haute couture, chowing down on cheese and baguette, and, of course, falling for some handsome gentlemen. But being a nice Jewish girl, I have a feeling Leo the lover has never come head-to-head, er face-to-face, with an uncircumcised guy. And just like a lot of foreign films that come out of Europe, they’re uncut. So, I’m going to give our fair Leo some pointers on how to manhandle her future friends with foreskin.

When it comes to men and sex, I’ve noticed that special requests usually come along the lines of an instant upgrade: if I’m giving a hand job, they ask for a blowjob, and if I’m giving a blowjob, well, why not full-on sex? That’s simple enough for me to handle if it makes sexytime shine.

But we’re all about equality here at The Frisky and it wouldn’t be very egalitarian of us to hinthintHINT to our dudes with our 10 Things Men Forget To Do During Sex list without engaging in a little self-improvement ourselves. After the jump, we asked a few men—who, let it be known, all said “Don’t forget to touch our balls!”—to help us out.

No one on earth is quite as pleased as a man who has just pleased a woman between the sheets. We love the care and attention you’ve paid to us for our own benefit, but we also love watching you bask in self-satisfaction. But as satisfied as you might be with yourself, sometimes we’re not quite as satisfied as you’d hoped: something relatively minor, but highly distracting, was a bit “off.”

Don’t be offended, darlings, but a few nips and tucks in your bedroom style might speed things along (in a good way)—leaving us more time for another go at it!

Most lucky boys get a few hundred bucks and a nice wristwatch for their bar mitzvah presents. But if a Jewish magazine article out of Brandeis University is to be believed, 13-year-old girls are gifting their male Hebrew school classmates with a bar mitzvah blowjob.

In the July 2009 issue of 614 magazine from the Hadassah-Brandeis Institute, Shulamit Reinharz writes:

“...a woman in her seventies began sharing her concern with me about the custom in her granddaughter’s prep school; Jewish girls were giving Jewish boys blowjobs as bar mitzvah presents! Presumably because they’ve already got everything else.”

We have only one thing to say about this: oy gevalt.

Hooray! Another product on the market designed to make women feel insecure about their womanly scent and taste! Linger: The Internal Feminine Flavoring is exactly what it sounds like—a mixer for your own personal body cocktail. Ahem:

A small, naturally sweetened flavoring, free of artificial dyes, which was created to flavor the secretions of a woman when she is sexually aroused.  Linger is shaped for comfort during insertion and use, and is formulated to dissolve slowly, so the effects last and last…

This fruity vaginal suppository takes 45 minutes to an hour to dissolve completely, but the flavor lasts and lasts! With all the crap out there that seems to suggest that women are uncomfortable with their natural smell and taste, I have never heard a man complain. That’s why I decided to ask a couple guy friends, “How would you feel if your girlfriend used Linger?” Their answers, after the jump…

Warning: Do not have sex with this bottle. Granted, after a couple tequila shots you can get me to do pretty much anything ... but Caramba Tequila doesn’t want drunk goggles to make us suck the wrong thing. So, head, er, heed their new ad and only enjoy the worm at the bottom, not the container. [WOW Report]

This oral sex-inspired Sprite commercial, which apparently was banned in Germany, is the most sexual advertisement we’ve ever seen. And it’s kinda icky, to boot. Definitely not safe for work…unless you work at Sprite, probably.

• The wind blew Emma Watson‘s dress at the premiere of “Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince” movie and flashed her nude boy shorts. [Egotastic]—Give her break. The weather was awful and she still looked stunning.
• Lady Gaga showed off her best outfit yet, a mesh blindfold and mask. [Dlisted]—Maybe she was showing solidarity for burqa-wearing fans in France.
• Who had the bigger memorial, Michael Jackson or Princess Di?

Parents! Lock your teenagers in their rooms! Especially the girls! “Good Morning America” has discovered that blow jobs are the new goodnight kiss! All across the country, teenagers are giving head and having sex parties! It’s not just the Catholic high schoolers (who are having anal sex in order to maintain their chastity) we need to pray for—it’s every single pubescent teen who’s figured out that you can have sex using just your mouth!

Sigh. Yet another morning show segment designed to scare the crap out of parents by declaring a “new” trend that’s taking our nation’s youth on downward spiral towards hell. Teens having oral sex—is it really so new? I was a late bloomer so I didn’t give my first beej until I was 19 (in a stairwell at a bar!), but what about other 20 and 30-something women? Their teenage oral sexploits, after the jump…

Hi, I’m Dr. V.  I’m not a real doctor, I just play one on the Internet. What I am is a lady, a lady who is a fool for love! And I love nothing more than sex. My deepest desires have happily lead me on many adventures in the sack, but they have also, sadly, made me one of my gyno’s most valuable players. But I’ve lived to tell the tale(s)! So, from time to time, I will dish the dirt on everything from getting freaky to getting freaked out. And please, if you have a question, email me. You know I love to read your smut too! Now, let’s get this party started.

This week, I got a letter from a lady who’s feeling self-conscious about the scent of a woman. She wrote:

“I just started dating this guy and he’s cool, and smart, and dead sexy. But he told me that my vajayjay smells. Is that a diss or what?! I mean, he was drunk and he hasn’t dumped me, but he never goes down on me. I’ve tried douching, but he’s still not going down on me. And now I’m too nervous to say anything about it. What should I do?”

Hi, I’m Dr. V.  I’m not a real doctor, I just play one on the Internet. What I am is a lady, a lady who is a fool for love! And I love nothing more than sex. My deepest desires have happily led me on many adventures in the sack, but they have also made me one of my gyno’s most valuable players. I’ve lived to tell the tale(s)! So, I dish the dirt on everything from getting freaky to getting freaked out. Now, let’s get this party started.

STD Awareness Month is almost over, and I hope you lovers survived. Next week, I’ll go back to answering your burning sex questions—whether they burn literally or not. Today, I want to talk about a mistake I’ve made trying to play it safe. 

If I had a nickel for every time I bartered a new partner down from sex to a BJ, I’d be rich! In some situations, oral sex can seem like the best bet to keep him coming back for more and to protect your promised land. But that argument is as busted as Bill Clinton saying he didn’t have sex relations with Monica Lewinsky. It’s still sex—oral sex, to be exact! While I used to think I was Lady Safety for starting off slow(ish) with a beej, oral is as risky a way to get frisky. Even though he’s not sticking his beef in your buns, your mouth is as ready to be an STD sandwich. New research shows it can even cause cancer. While we gals can get a lot of things, we can’t seem to catch a break! Here are some things to consider when you’re going down.

I remember my first blow job as if it was yesterday. A stairwell, in a bar, with a guy named Dave Wolf, who, just in case you might forget his last name, had a wolf tattooed on his shoulder. I was a late bloomer, sorta, so my first beej came when I was 19. But certainly guys must have as potent memories of the first time they went down on a girl—where did it happen? What did they think? And from where did they divine that initial technique? It was the perfect Tuesday lunchtime question for the guys on my IM…

From the archives, in honor of “Steak & Blow Job Day,” which falls on, duh, March 14.

Hi, I’m Dr. V.  I’m not a real doctor; I just play one on the internet. What I am is a lady, a lady who is a fool for love! And I love nothing more than sex. My deepest desires have happily led me on many adventures in the sack, but they have also, sadly, made me one of my gyno’s most valuable players. But I’ve lived to tell the tale(s)! So, every Friday, I will dish the dirt on everything from getting freaky to getting freaked out. Now, let’s get this party started…

You employ your mouth for so many things—eating, gossiping, singing in the shower—but it’s especially useful when it comes to sexy time. Oral sex is an intimate thing that takes skill, but with some technique, your tongue’s talents will certainly get you lots of praise! Here are some tips and tricks on how to please when you go downtown.

Hi, I’m Dr. V.  I’m not a real doctor, I just play one on the Internet. What I am is a lady, a lady who is a fool for love! And I love nothing more than sex. My deepest desires have happily lead me on many adventures in the sack, but they have also, sadly, made me one of my gyno’s most valuable players. But I’ve lived to tell the tale(s)! So, from time to time, I will dish the dirt on everything from getting freaky to getting freaked out. Now, let’s get this party started…

Professional sword swallowing is an ancient art form that allows a performer to gulp down a 15-inch sword like it’s a steak dinner. All I’m asking is to be able to deep throat a penis! So, I sat down with a professional side show performer currently starring at Ripley’s Believe It Or Not in New York City, Albert Cadabra, to learn the magic tricks of the trade, in the hope that they will improve our already stellar BJ skills. WARNING: Do not try sword swallowing at home, unless “sword” is a euphemism for penis. The people that practice this craft are highly trained professionals.  These tips are just for dicks!