You don’t really want to know what’s in the John Edwards sex tape, do you? Do you? Really?

Well, all right then: The Daily Beast spoke with multiple sources who’ve allegedly viewed the tape of Edwards and Rielle Hunter, and this icky, icky video that we don’t want to think about graphically depicts the former presidential candidate ....

So the guy I’m dating DOES NOT LIKE ORAL SEX. Like, he does not like giving or receiving, and in the month we’ve been dating hasn’t let me go down on him even ONCE. He says it is something he can open up on in a relationship, though it’s just not one of his favorite things on the sexual menu, but that he considers it much more intimate than intercourse so isn’t down to go there yet. Have you ever heard of a guy not liking getting blowies? Is he a total freak? And if not, any ideas on how I can get him comfortable enough to at least give it a go? It feels weird to me to be sleeping with someone and have this whole sexual arena that’s off limits. And, please, oral sex is the best. —Oral-less in Oregon

I’ve never been afraid to ask for what I want in bed. I guess because during my teenage years I figured out I was/am a perv and I just owned it. But in my decade-plus of hooking up with dudes, I’ve come to see being clear about what I want is a bit rare: Guys have told me other women become self-conscious when asking for something risqué or kinky.

So, I’m going to help you out, boys. Here are some things your lady might want, but she’s too self-conscious to ask for. Don’t pressure anything, of course — but if you offer, you may be pleasantly surprised at how enthusiastically she accepts ...

I sat on the couch straddling him, our chests pressed together and my hands pulling softly on his hair as we kissed. For the past half an hour, we’d been slowly unpeeling our many layers of clothing and we were down to just my pair of lacy underwear and his boxer briefs. We’d had a lovely third date—I adored that he called me “Ringlets,” just like Sawyer dubbed Kate “Freckles” on “Lost.” As the conversation veered into sexual territory a few times, it became more than obvious that, tonight, we were ready to seal the deal.

“Shall we take this into the other room,” he said, pointing towards his bedroom. We stood up and he grabbed my hand, leading me down the hall. I sat down on the side of his bed, and he stood before me. Good lord, he was hot. I began to take off his Calvin Kleins.

“Can I go down on you?” I asked, looking up at him.  As soon as I said it, the question struck me as strange. Had I ever asked this before? Was this a question with more than one answer? After all, on our list of “27 Things Men Never Say,” the phrase “I’m not really into blow jobs” came in at number eight.

“No,” he said.

This French public service announcement is kind of like one of those eye trick images where you see either a vase or the outline of two faces. Is it trying to say that smoking is like giving a BJ to the tobacco industry? Or is the message that oral sex is as risky as smoking a ciggy? Well, Slate Double X has cleared it up with their handy-dandy French translation skills. Apparently, it’s the former—the text at the bottom reads, “Smoking is being tobacco’s slave,” and a spokesperson for the ad agency that made it explains, “The goal was simply to say ‘You are subjecting yourself to smoking.’ There is no analogy between sex and tobacco.” Huh? Also, I’m a little confused as to why, in the two male versions of the ad, the exec is wearing his suit jacket, while in the version with a teenage girl, he’s down to just his dress shirt? Or am I just reading too much into this now? [Double X]

You know, sometimes a gal reaches the end of her research, sits there for a moment and says to herself, “I don’t think I have enough information to fairly come to a conclusion.” That’s the way I felt after last week’s “hand jobs versus blow jobs” discussion. So, like a trooper, I went back out into the field and asked three more guys on my IM what they thought. You’re welcome.

It turns out that women aren’t the only ones who try to weasel their way out of a ticket. Nick Snider, who was Forbes’ 5th most successful male model in 2008, was arrested on Monday in Arkansas after drunkenly causing a domestic disturbance. Once in the patrol car (after he informed the arresting officers that he was “a very famous model”), Snider told one of the deputies, “If you stop I’ll suck your d**k and balls if you let me go.” As if this wasn’t bad enough, the Prada model continued to offer oral sex in exchange for his release to the booking jailer. Snider was charged with three misdemeanors, including attempting to illegally influence a public servant. Take it from the ladies, Nick: next time just start crying. [Huffington Post]

Last night I was skimming the new issue of Glamour and came across an article called “12 Things Guys Wish You Knew in Bed,” written by a dude named Adrian Colesberry. Surprisingly, I learned something! According to him, “in a blindfold test, most men would prefer a hand job to oral sex.” What? Nuh. Uh. I haven’t spent the last god knows how many years training my gag reflex for nothing ... right? I needed many more opinions on the matter (and am happy to hear more, fellas), of course.

• After a parent complained that the Merriam Webster dictionary in the classrooms of Menifee Union School District in California contained a definition for “oral sex,” schools pulled the dictionaries off the shelves. On Tuesday, a committee decided to return the Merriam Webster dictionaries to the fourth- and fifth-grade classrooms, but all children must have a signed permission slip to access them. Students who don’t have permission to use the Merriam Webster will have to use an alternative dictionary. [L.A. Times]
• But despite their sex-drenched dictionaries, the nation’s youth are not so troubled! High school senior Li Boynton, 18, who won top honors in the Intel International Science and Engineering Fair, will be sitting with Michelle Obama tonight at the State of the Union Address. Li is headed to Yale in the fall and created a cheap way for the world’s poor to test water for contaminants using glowing bacteria. [Houston Chronicle]

Jeez, it’s like the oldest prank-call trick in the book. How did this obvi oral sex reference get past an investigative journalist? Well, maybe the better question is: How many inches deep is he? [Fark]

This goes under the category of “What is happening to sex?”

Having recently read a curious post on the blog Why Women Hate Men, I have decided to take on the topic of the clitoris, oral sex, and some men’s obtuseness as it concerns this prized activity technically known as cunnilingus (a name that I once gave a puppy and, sadly, it stuck).

The post lacerated a 19-year-old guy in Las Vegas for writing a personal ad promising to bring delight to all whom responded to his free offer for unparalleled oral sex (his assessment). There was only one exception—“smelly ugly girls” need not apply. Ah, a man of such discernment.

Because fruit bats, it seems, have been doing it just as long as us. Very few animals engage in oral sex, but according to scientific research, fruit bats are all about blowies. During copulation the female fruit bat “lowers her head to lick the shaft or the base of the male’s penis but does not lick the glans penis which has already penetrated the vagina.” And the male bats love it so much that if the female bat gives them a little licky-licky during copulation, they’re likely to last longer. HAWT. [PLoS ONE]

An Ohio woman must have meant to call her shrink and not the police when she reported a crime of passion in her home. What was the crime? Her daughter had performed oral sex on her husband. (He’s the girl’s stepfather.) I think that’s against the law of basic human appropriateness, but unfortunately there is no legislation for oral sex in the state of Ohio. But oddly enough, the woman wasn’t actually upset about the BJ—she was upset about the quality of the BJ. Apparently, her daughter was better at it. The police did not show up with handcuffs (these loonies would probably think the police were showing up for a kinky orgy), but I’m hoping that they suggested serious therapy for all parties involved. Excuse me while I pick my jaw up off the floor. [Metro]

Oral sex, we all love to receive it. But some peeps have a harder time giving:

I have what I feel is an embarrassing situation. I am in a long term, steady relationship with my boyfriend, and, in general, things are great. There is only one little problem in our sex life ... he goes down on me, he loves it, I love it, and life is great, but I cannot seem to do the same for him. I am so embarrassed and I don’t know what to do! I gag or feel nauseous every time I try. He says it’s not a big deal, but I know it’s something he wants and something I want to be able to give him. Is there any way for me to get over what seems like a weird, childish type of response?  If not, will he hold it against me, or do you think he means it when he says it’s not a big deal?

 

This morning we asked if you should dump a guy if he won’t give you oral sex. So far, the majority of you—nearly 50 percent—have said, “Yes. If he’s a selfish lover, he’ll be selfish in other ways too. See ya!” A little over 36 percent of you are willing to tolerate it, so long as he doesn’t expect you to go down on him, while a mere 16.5 percent believe that lack of oral sex would be a ridiculous reason to dump someone. But because we like to play fair, we decided to ask the same question of the guys on our IM. Do they think you should dump a woman if she won’t give blow jobs? Their answers, after the jump.

In the November issue of Glamour, the mag polled readers about whether you should break up with a guy who won't give oral sex. Our friends Em and Lo argued that, no, you shouldn't dump him because he may dislike the "texture or flavor or scent" or he may not know what to do down there -- "cut him some slack," they suggest, so long as he doesn't expect to receive oral sex. That sounded like a fairly diplomatic way of looking at it, but the fact is the majority of women get off on oral sex, not intercourse. If you were dating someone who wouldn't go down on you, would you give him the ol' heave-ho?

• Your Tango got to the bottom of why men really enjoy oral sex. [Your Tango]—You know, I expected the responses to be something like: “Duh, it feels good.” But I can see how a man would feel accepted and even more intimate from fellatio.
• And that’s not all! Men have nipples. You have permission to touch them. But here’s how to do it right.  [Em & Lo]
• Poland passed a law recently that makes chemical castration mandatory for some pedophiles upon release from prison. [Reuters]

The Frisky’s own Leonora has just moved to France, and we miss her already! She’s having all kinds of new experiences, I’m sure. Fondling haute couture, chowing down on cheese and baguette, and, of course, falling for some handsome gentlemen. But being a nice Jewish girl, I have a feeling Leo the lover has never come head-to-head, er face-to-face, with an uncircumcised guy. And just like a lot of foreign films that come out of Europe, they’re uncut. So, I’m going to give our fair Leo some pointers on how to manhandle her future friends with foreskin.

When it comes to men and sex, I’ve noticed that special requests usually come along the lines of an instant upgrade: if I’m giving a hand job, they ask for a blowjob, and if I’m giving a blowjob, well, why not full-on sex? That’s simple enough for me to handle if it makes sexytime shine.

But we’re all about equality here at The Frisky and it wouldn’t be very egalitarian of us to hinthintHINT to our dudes with our 10 Things Men Forget To Do During Sex list without engaging in a little self-improvement ourselves. After the jump, we asked a few men—who, let it be known, all said “Don’t forget to touch our balls!”—to help us out.

No one on earth is quite as pleased as a man who has just pleased a woman between the sheets. We love the care and attention you’ve paid to us for our own benefit, but we also love watching you bask in self-satisfaction. But as satisfied as you might be with yourself, sometimes we’re not quite as satisfied as you’d hoped: something relatively minor, but highly distracting, was a bit “off.”

Don’t be offended, darlings, but a few nips and tucks in your bedroom style might speed things along (in a good way)—leaving us more time for another go at it!