I love my boyfriend. And I love giving him blow jobs. What I do not love is the taste of spunk. No matter whose splooge it is, it tastes like a cross between sour juice, bitters, mold, and a dirty sock. Even Bobby Flay couldn’t make this milky concoction taste good. I’ve hypothesized women who say it taste good are either a) lying or b) have taste buds damaged by years of smoking. But I don’t smoke and like Abe Lincoln, I cannot tell a lie. I love a nice pearl necklace, but the taste of semen makes me gag. Can pineapple juice make splooge taste better? Read the results of our taste test on Your Tango…
We licked and sucked eight flavors of condoms — chocolate, strawberry, garlic, marijuana, cola, banana, vanilla and grape — so you don’t have to. No cunning linguist wants to take the V-day date to the bedroom, only to be stuck with a sub-par condom flavor profile. So which condom is most flavorful? Which color looked the weirdest stretched over a banana? Why does our boss now feel like “a slut?” Watch the video on Huffington Post to find out…
Once upon a time, in the year 1997, a 28-year-old rapper named Jay-Z (when he still had the hyphen) sat down for an interview with former 2 Live Crew member Luther Campbell in his adult film series, “Luke’s FreakShow.” Though the pair of hip-hop heavyweights were supposed to be discussing, you know, music, Jay was noticeably distracted by the two women going at it next to him on the couch. (Very NSFW clip is after the jump.) Why are they there? Why not? is the question. Because when you’re Luther Campbell, and you’re best known for songs like “Me So Horny” and “Face Down Ass Up,” this is just how you roll. But I wonder if Beyonce has seen this gem from her husband’s past? If so, I bet he spent a night on the couch when she found out. (Again, warning: SO NSFW.) [Consequence of Sound via Gawker] Keep reading »
The rich aren’t like you and I. They even have better oral sex! Why, Gloria Vanderbilt once had a lover who was the “Nijinsky of cunnilingus,” as she referred to him in her memoirs. Anderson Cooper recounted the story of awkwardly proofreading these memoirs during a roundtable discussion on CNN. His guests pointed out Coop likely knows as little about cunnilingus as he does about modern dance. NSFW, so pop in your earbuds! [YouTube]
Here ye, here ye! We, the women of The Frisky, hereby decree that blowjobs should last no longer than seven minutes. Why seven minutes you ask? Men, let us do you a favor and explain why. Keep reading »
Leave it to Japan to think up a game show combining blowjobs, porn stars and a timed clock. On ”Orgasm Wars,” a gay male porn stars tries to give a straight male porn star an orgasm “against his will” as he’s cheered on by a group of friends. Here, Sawai, the gentleman on the receiving end of this competitive fellatio is hidden behind a screen for modesty, while the Takuya, the blowjob-giver, bends on his hands and knees and fills the audio track with more slurping sounds than a Johnny Rockets. I watched with bated breath. Does gargling first actually help you give better head? Will Sawai climax in time? (They get 40 minutes.) Will anyone give Takuya some knee pads? And who will host “Orgasm Wars” when it comes to America? [UpRoxx]
We’ve heard titters about Shia LaBeouf’s “real sex” scenes in the new Lars Von Trier film “Nymph()manic.” Well, here they are in the very NSFW teaser for the film There are also some choir organs and baby cheetahs thrown in there as well, just to keep you guessing. As far as it all being “real” — it’s not exactly. Producer Louise Vesth explained how the sex scenes were filmed: “We shot the actors pretending to have sex and then had the body doubles who really did have sex, and in post we will digital impose the two. So above the waist it will be the star, and the below the waist it will be the doubles.”
So, it’s safe to assume that it was really Shia’s mouth doing all that work. Still, it’s more of Shia than I ever wanted to see. [Huffington Post] Keep reading »
- Quit sucking on that clitoris so hard.
- Vaginas are like snowflakes. Ask your bitch what she wants, then do what she says.
- Make the alphabet with your tongue …
- … and when she grabs your hair like she’s going to pull it off, stick with that letter.
- Vaginas deserve respect.
- Every bitch’s flap is different. Learn your bitch’s particular flap.
- Plan your breathing like your swimming: stroke, stroke, breathe, stroke, stroke, breathe.
Yeah, what Key and Peele said. Fuck all the other sex ed in America. [YouTube]
When Dad told you to get a job, this isn’t the job he was talking about.
Two freshmen students at Etowah High School in Woodstock, Ga. are facing criminal charges after officials say they engaged in oral sex in the school cafeteria Thursday, CNN reported.
“A female student allegedly made a sexual offer to a male classmate during lunch,” school spokeswoman Barbara Jacoby told the network. “The male classmate later told administrators that he thought this offer was a joke, but when the female student began to act upon it, the male student said he stopped her.” Read more on Huffington Post…