Posts tagged "open letters"

An Open Letter To The Weather, On This Snowy First Day Of Spring

March comes in like a lion, and goes out like that feral cat that lives in the alley behind your apartment — yowling and salty as hell.

Megan Reynolds / March 20, 2015

An Open Letter To The Squirrel I Saw Eating A Mini Corndog

Dear Squirrel,

When I saw you out of the corner of my eye scampering across the parking lot, I didn’t expect you to restore my faith in the universe. You seemed like just another squirrel, narrowly dodging cars, going about your squirrel business, but then I noticed something strange in your little squirrel…

Winona Dimeo-Ediger / March 25, 2014

An Open Letter To Fleece Leggings

Dear Fleece Leggings,

I wasn’t planning to buy you when I walked into a cute little boutique in East Nashville. In fact, I wasn’t planning to buy anything for myself. I was Christmas shopping for a few friends and had sworn on my rapidly dwindling bank account that I wasn’t going to buy…

Winona Dimeo-Ediger / December 11, 2013

An Open Letter To People Who Go Balls Out On Halloween

Dear People Who Go Balls Out On Halloween,

I’m not referring to people who choose Halloween costumes that expose their testicles. If you are one of those people, you’ll probably want to close this page and move on to a different open letter that deals more specifically with your definition of “balls out.”…

Winona Dimeo-Ediger / October 10, 2013

Law Student Feels Very Strongly About Classmates’ Snack Choices

Yesterday Jezebel got ahold of an email that had been sent out to 72 members of an Administrative Law class at a law school in Canada. The anonymous student who sent it has some choice words — 655 of them, to be exact — for his or her classmates regarding a very specific topic: their…

Winona Dimeo-Ediger / September 19, 2013

An Open Letter To Trader Joe’s Cookie Butter

Dear Cookie Butter,

I wasn’t aware of your existence until I was standing in line at Trader Joe’s a few weeks ago and noticed a display of jars with a sign that said “LIMIT TWO PER CUSTOMER.” I went to investigate but was stopped by a middle-aged man with a handlebar mustache wearing…

Winona Dimeo-Ediger / July 2, 2013

An Open Letter To Whoever Stole A Goat From A Petting Zoo And Took It To A Bar At 1:30 AM

Dear Goat Thief,

Listen, I get it. There is nary a time when I watch a funny goat video or walk by the urban goat sanctuary by my house (I live in Portland) and don’t plot a way to steal the adorable goats and make them my pets. My eventual life goal i…

Winona Dimeo-Ediger / April 7, 2013

An Open Letter To Sienna Miller’s Wardrobe Circa 2004

Dear Sienna Miller’s Wardrobe Circa 2004,

You don’t know me, but I know you better than I know many of my family members. Would you like me to draw a detailed inventory of every one of your shrunken denim vests, floral sundresses, and slouchy thigh-high boots? Because I totally could. I will eve…

Winona Dimeo-Ediger / April 1, 2013

An Open Letter To My Doppelganger

Dear Doppelganger,

A few weeks ago, I was taking a walk by my house and a random lady started yelling, “Jenny! Jennnnnyyyyyy!” from her porch. I looked around to find this Jenny character she was getting so excited about, but I was the only one on the street. “Jeeeeeeeeeenny!” she yelled again, waving…

Winona Dimeo-Ediger / February 14, 2013

Dear Ryan Gosling, Here Are 8 Reasons You Should Join The Backstreet Boys

Dear Ryan Gosling,

I know that it’s usually Amelia who writes you letters, but this week it’s my turn, because of some major news that just emerged: apparently you tried to join the Backstreet Boys way back when they first made it big, but BSB bad boy AJ McLean (aka the #1 love…

Winona Dimeo-Ediger / January 15, 2013

An Open Letter To The Helpers

“When I was a boy and I would see scary things in the news, my mother would say to me, ‘Look for the helpers. You will always find people who are helping.’ To this day, especially in times of ‘disaster,’ I remember my mother’s words and I am always comforted by realizing that there are

Winona Dimeo-Ediger / December 17, 2012

An Open Letter To Whoever Was In Charge Of The Guest List For This Walgreens Opening Party

Dear Whoever Was In Charge Of The Guest List For The Upscale Walgreens Opening Party In Hollywood,

I’m sitting here at my computer, sipping my second cup of coffee, and looking at photos of Fergie and Mark McGrath posing on the red carpet. This might sound like a pretty standard moment in the life…

Winona Dimeo-Ediger / December 4, 2012

An Open Letter To The Fat Girl

Dear Fat Girl,

Last week, I saw an overweight news anchor respond to a bully with such power and confidence that it made me cry. It also made me want to write about my own experience of being a fat girl. I almost wrote this letter to my younger self: a deeply sad,…

Winona Dimeo-Ediger / October 9, 2012

An Open Letter To My Boyfriend’s Mouthguard

Dear Mouthguard,

Listen, I don’t want you to take this letter the wrong way, because I appreciate your work, I really do. You valiantly protect my boyfriend’s jaw night after night from the very real dangers of bruxism (aka teeth grinding), and it’s thanks to you that he hasn’t gnashed his teeth dow…

Winona Dimeo-Ediger / September 6, 2012

An Open Letter To Whoever Took The Baja Hoodie My Neighbor Left In A “Free” Box On The Sidewalk

Dear Whoever Took The Baja Hoodie My Neighbor Left In A “Free” Box On The Sidewalk,

When I saw that my neighbor had placed a Baja hoodie out on the sidewalk in a box marked “free,” along with a diverse collection of books, glassware, a compost bin, and what appeared to be a…

Winona Dimeo-Ediger / August 23, 2012

An Open Letter To The Modern Man Who Wears A Monocle

Dear Monocle Man,

This morning, Jessica sent me a link to the Warby Parker website, alerting me to the fact that for a mere $50 it is possible to buy a prescription monocle. This realization made me unreasonably upset. Maybe it’s because I live in Portland and the implications of thousands of steampunk…

Winona Dimeo-Ediger / March 26, 2012

An Open Letter To The Sorel Tofino Boot

Dear Tofino,

It’s always a little awkward to admit these things, but I know I’ll regret it forever if I don’t, so here it is: I have a huge crush on you. Like, an actual crush. Not in the cute anthropomorphic way that some girls might pretend to be “crushing” on a cute purse.

Winona Dimeo-Ediger / September 21, 2011

An Open Letter To Justin Bieber’s Pants

Dear Justin Bieber’s Pants,

Sometimes I wonder what life must be like for you. I mean, just a few years ago you were making cameos in YouTube videos and today you’re probably the most famous pants in the world. All eyes are on you, and people are talking: “What style of pants i…

Winona Dimeo-Ediger / August 8, 2011

An Open Letter To Platform Shoes

Dear Platform Shoes,

I have an issue that I need to resolve with you, but I want to do it in a sensitive and productive way so I’m going to try to use “I-statements.” Did you ever learn about “I-statements,” Platforms? According to my 7th grade health textbook, you can solve any problem by…

Winona Dimeo-Ediger / July 26, 2011

An Open Letter To Kate Middleton’s Hair

Dear Kate Middleton’s Hair,

I know it’s kind of awkward to write you a letter, because, well, you’re hair and I’m not even sure that you know how to read, but I really need to talk to you. I would have called, but I don’t know the number for your direct line.

Winona Dimeo-Ediger / June 30, 2011
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