Posts tagged "open letter"

An Open Letter To My Period On The Occasion Of Its Return After A Curiously Long Absence

Dear Period,

Thank. GOD. Where have you been? I have been waiting for the longest time to see you again, and I don’t know what you were doing or where you were at, but I am so so very glad you’re back.

Two months. Is there any good reason you were…

By: Megan Reynolds / April 8, 2013

An Open Letter To The Girl Who Was Suspended From School 24 Times For Smelling Bad

Dear 8-year-old-girl,

I read about how you’ve been suspended from school 24 times this year because of your “foul” body odor. Your mom claims she took you to the doctor and they said there was nothing medically wrong with you, but still the school continues to send you home about twice a month.

By: Ami Angelowicz / April 4, 2013

An Open Letter To My Doppelganger

Dear Doppelganger,

A few weeks ago, I was taking a walk by my house and a random lady started yelling, “Jenny! Jennnnnyyyyyy!” from her porch. I looked around to find this Jenny character she was getting so excited about, but I was the only one on the street. “Jeeeeeeeeeenny!” she yelled again, waving…

By: Winona Dimeo-Ediger / February 14, 2013

A Valentine’s Day Love Letter To My Favorite Hip-Hop Morning Radio Show

Dear Cipha Sounds, Rosenberg, K. Foxx and Old Man Ebro,

Every morning, my alarm goes off at 7 a.m., rousing me from sleep. I hit the snooze button, and then 10 minutes later, hit it again. When the third alarm finally goes off at 7:20, I pry one eye open, then the other,…

By: Amelia McDonell-Parry / February 13, 2013

An Open Letter To All The Publicists Sending Me Stuff For Valentine’s Day

Dear Publicists,

Hello. I get soooo many emails from you. Sooooo many emails that go straight into the trash. Especially around holidays that are considered very Frisky friendly. Valentine’s Day! Yes, I’m well aware that it’s right around the corner, waving at me. Mocking me. I know that it’s your job to pitch…

By: Ami Angelowicz / January 10, 2013

An Open Letter To Charlotte Allen, Who Thinks Men Would Have Stopped The Newtown Massacre

Dear Charlotte Allen,

By the time this open letter posts on The Frisky, half the internet will have already ripped you a new asshole for your offensive, error-riddled article published in The National Review, in which you shared your “observations” about what went wrong at last Friday’s Sandy Hook Elementary School massacre. But I…

By: Amelia McDonell-Parry / December 20, 2012

An Open Letter To Ann Coulter

On Monday, conservative pundit Ann Coulter tweeted her support of Mitt Romney with the following: “I highly approve of Romney’s decision to be kind and gentle to the retard.” In response to her use of the R-word, John Franklin Stephens, Special Olympics spokesperson and athlete, wrote Ann an open letter. We’ve received permission to repost

By: John Franklin Stephens / October 24, 2012

An Open (Somewhat Creepy) Letter To “Nashville”‘s Connie Britton

Dear Tami Taylor, I mean Mrs. Coach, I mean Connie Britton,

Well, I guess I should start by apologizing. I’m sorry for always calling you by the name of a character you played on a TV show that has been sadly off the air for over a year. You are Connie Britton, you…

By: Amelia McDonell-Parry / October 10, 2012

An Open Letter To The “Big Brother 14″ Jury

Dear Members of the “Big Brother” Season 14 Jury,

Seriously, y’all are a bunch of butthurts. As a longtime fan of “Big Brother,” I am ashamed of you for voting for Ian to win “Big Brother 14″ over Dan. (Danielle, I can’t give you too many props for voting for Dan to win,…

By: Amelia McDonell-Parry / September 20, 2012

An Open Letter To “The Voice”

Dear “The Voice,”

I heard the news that you will be replacing Christina Aguilera and Cee Lo Green with Shakira and Usher next season. I hate this idea. Not because I love Xtina and Cee Lo so much that I can’t stand to lose them, but because you seem to be getting a…

By: Ami Angelowicz / September 18, 2012

An Open Letter To Vanessa Carlton For Her 32nd Birthday

It appears that, following in the footsteps of the Goservention, which intervened on Amelia’s obsessive fandom with Ryan Gosling, we are going to have to have a Vanessa Carltonvention with our intern Daley. — Jessica

Dear Vanessa,

You know those idiots who have come up to you saying “Oh my God, Vanessa, I’m…

By: Daley Quinn / August 17, 2012

An Open Letter To Marilyn Manson

Dear Marilyn,

Hi. How are you? Well, clearly you’re very angry. I’m not sure what possessed you to write “F**k You” on your face in eyeliner and flaunt it at LAX this past weekend. Well, right back at you. You seem to find it funny and so does your your girlfriend, Lindsay Usich.

By: Ami Angelowicz / August 13, 2012

An Open Letter To The Pigeon Who Pooped On My Head

Dear Pigeon Who Relieved Itself On My Head,

My scalp is not your toilet! Do you have any idea what it’s like to have have some good morning mojo going, to be steps away from arriving to work ON TIME (I’m not a morning person) only to be shit on by a winged…

By: Ami Angelowicz / June 26, 2012

An Open Letter To The Michigan State Representatives Who Think The Word “Vagina” Is Offensive

Dear Sirs,

Vagina you. No, seriously, VAGINA. YOU. You’re so scared of the vagina word that you barred Rep. Lisa Brown from speaking after she used it when addressing her opposition to Michigan’s recent string of extreme abortion bills. “Finally, Mr. Speaker,” Brown said, “I’m flattered that you’re all so interested in my vagina,…

By: Amelia McDonell-Parry / June 15, 2012

An Open Letter To The Sexually Ambiguous Guy On The Subway

Dear Sexually Ambiguous Guy On The Subway,

You got on at the same stop as me, so you might live in my neighborhood. I saw you waiting on the platform and thought you might be gay. I tend to air  err on the side of gay when I check out men. My friend…

By: Ami Angelowicz / April 27, 2012

An Open Letter To The Guy Who Called Me “Crazy”

Dear Guy Who Seemed Cool On Our First Date But Freaked When I Said I Wanted To Take Sexual Stuff Slowly And Sent Me A Barrage Of Douchey Text Messages Which Culminated In Pronouncing Me “Crazy”,

I feel as if we have gotten off on the wrong foot. …

By: Jessica Wakeman / April 6, 2012

An Open Letter To The EducationConnection.com Commercial (Feat. Corn Dog Girl)

Dear Education Connection.com Commercial (feat. Corn Dog Girl) ,

How are you so bad, yet have managed to embed yourself so deeply in my consciousness? Sometimes I wake up singing you in the middle of the night. The only other commercial that’s ever affected me in this way was the IO Digital Cable

By: Ami Angelowicz / March 15, 2012

An Open Letter To My Abnormally Long Chin Hair

Dear Abnormally Long Chin Hair,

We’ve been intimately acquainted since I first noticed you my sophomore year of high school. I looked in the mirror one day before school and was horrified to find a thick whisker protruding from my chin. I might have cried.

Growing up, I’d watched my mom…

By: Winona Dimeo-Ediger / March 14, 2012

An Open Letter To The Woman Who Stole My Cab This Morning

Dear Woman With The Rolling Suitcase Who Stole My Cab This Morning,

Did you think I wouldn’t notice? That I wouldn’t see you roll past me, stop no more than eight feet in front of me, and raise your arm just like mine had been raised for 15 minutes? Did you think I…

By: Amelia McDonell-Parry / February 17, 2012

An Open Letter To My G-Spot

Dear G-Spot,

Gee G-Spot, you sure know how to disappoint a girl. First you exclaim your existence to the world. Then you hide as my fellow ladies are poked and prodded in search of you. One day you promise earth-shattering orgasms, the next you disappear without a trace. A recent review of over

By: Tiffanie Drayton / February 3, 2012