Dear Sexually Ambiguous Guy On The Subway,
You got on at the same stop as me, so you might live in my neighborhood. I saw you waiting on the platform and thought you might be gay. I tend to air err on the side of gay when I check out men. My friends fault me for this, they say that I am overzealous with my gaydar, and then when a guy is legitimately into dudes, I tend to think of him as “definitely straight.” Mainly just because he’s not afraid to admit he might be into sucking a d**k once in a while. By the transitive property of bizarre logic, this makes him very straight to me. Anyway, back to you, Sexually Ambiguous Guy On The Subway (who may or may not be gay), I was ignoring you, thinking you weren’t into me that way, until you smiled at me. I like gap-toothed guys with glasses. And you had both, plus a slightly salt and pepper beard. But you were dressed really well, with a button-down, suit jacket, nice jeans and stylish sneakers, so I was confused. I got kind of excited thinking — wait — maybe you were smiling at me like you were attracted to me, but maybe you just were smiling at me like, You have fierce taste in scarves. It was hard to tell. My scarf is really nice. Keep reading »
