Today is the first birthday for Octomom Nadya Suleman’s octuplets and to celebrate, she’s debuting her new bikini bod (we’re sure it’ll be the babies’ favorite gift!). In an interview with Matt Lauer on “Today” this morning, Octomom claimed her post-baby bod is all-natural and she got it the old-fashioned way: lots of exercise. When asked if she’s had surgery, the trout-lipped mother of 14 quickly replied: “I will not do that!” In addition to regular exercise, Octomom also credits “good genes” for her ability to snap back into shape after carrying a litter of kids in her belly. I’m sure the help of several nannies doesn’t hurt either. [via MSNBC]

... Playing with her eight new toys instead of the six old ones. [Jezebel]

You probably remember a couple years ago when Miss South Carolina Teen USA 2007 badly botched her answer to a pageant question and became an overnight internet sensation on YouTube. Well, the former beauty queen appeared on “Jimmy Kimmel Live” last week poking fun at herself by asking various people to explain where babies come from. Her segment with Octomom after the jump is priceless!

Man, I think Nadya Suleman is really mentally ill. I mean, really mentally ill. I have no idea why her 14 children are still living in her house. After reading all about the Suleman kids in a forthcoming New York Times Magazine article, I feel fine saying her fetishistic breeding of children, plus plopping said children in front of video crews, constitutes child abuse. Yep, child abuse.

But she isn’t the only person we should be upset with; so many others are enabling what Octomom is doing with her kids. From the doctors who put the in-vitro eggs into Suleman to the film crew to the people who buy gossip mags about her kids—they are all contributing to this insane fetishism. The poor kids are the ones who’re suffering!

After the jump, 15 things I learned from the Times article on Octomom so you, too, can lose hope for our culture if this is what constitutes “parenting” these days.

While half the population will likely be dressing up as Nadya Suleman for Halloween, the Octomom has decided on a nun (with her gang of devil babies) for her costume.

• Oprah will finally sit down with Sarah Palin on the Nov. 16 episode of her talk show. [What an awesome birthday present!—Editor] [TrèsSugar]—This is quite possibly the showdown of the century.
• “Real Housewife” Bethenny Frankel, who got engaged recently, admits she’s pregnant after internet rumors started to spread. [NYDailyNews.com]—Lesson learned: no matter what, you can never outrun the internet.
• Beer pong: the swine flu’s latest victim. A New York college has banned the playing of beer pong after several students contracted H1N1 during a weekend of partying. [Lemondrop]

• Nadya Suleman has revealed that she has the hots for Jon Gosselin. [Celebitchy]—Feel free to puke up your breakfast now.
• Joss Stone needs a tall man because she’s 5 foot 10 inches tall, and she seems to have her sights on Wentworth Miller from “Prison Break.” [OK! Magazine]—Maybe he also reads OK! and will holler at her now.
• Meryl Streep‘s daughter, Mamie Gummer, is engaged to actor boyfriend Ben Walker. [PopEater]

There are few things on TV that I love more than a “ripped from the headlines” episode of “Law & Order,” and tonight’s episode, airing at 10 p.m., sounds like such a doozy that I’ll have to figure out how to see it and “Paranormal Activity.” The drama that is Jon and Kate Gosselin and OctoMom Nadya Suleman gets the L&O treatment as fictional versions of them battle for a reality show about their broods (there were almost 20 kids on set). And, of course, there’s a murder. If you’re an NBC watcher, I’m not spoiling anything for you by telling you the Kate character gets offed. As a result, the regular characters and my man Jack McCoy end up intertwined in the strange world of reality TV. And one has to be interviewed as part of the show to get some evidence. “[The episode is] kind [of] about the insidious nature of reality TV and kind of our fascination [with it],” said executive producer Rene Balcer to AccessHollywood.com. And that sounds almost as good as some of my favorite reality shows. [NBC New York]

FOX’s two-hour-OctoMom documentary aired last night. My first instinct was to hide under the covers, shaking uncontrollably, and wait for it to be over, but I knew I had to watch for your sake. So I took out my earplugs, stripped off the sheets, and ventured out in front of my TV again. Of course it was as bad, maybe worse, than I thought. After the jump, the choicest moments from the two-hour crapfest “OctoMom: The Incredible Unseen Footage.”

OctoMom Nadya Suleman has decided to continue her torturous reign over us all. She’s at long last signed a reality TV show deal. It still has to be approved by a judge, but if this crazy concept gets the OK, each of OctoMom’s 14 kids will be raking in $250 per day and could make about $250,000 in three years. It’s good they won’t be poor, but the idea that this wacked-out family is going to be out there for all the world to see makes me a tad uncomfortable. The company behind this is also responsible for masterpieces like “The Biggest Loser.” Taping is set to begin on September 1st which, coincidentally, is also the day I’ll be leaving the country. Forever. [Us Magazine]

Last night, MTV premiered its new reality show “16 And Pregnant.” And the Juno from the premiere, Miss Maci from Chattanooga, was like a Babyzilla pounding her fists for attention and whining to her BF and the cameras non-stop. Good thing MTV was there to validate the importance of her feelings!

In a fight between OctoMom and Kate Gosselin, we’re not sure who’d win. And sadly, it looks like it might be coming to that. Today, the war between the women with way too many kids reached a fever pitch. In February, Kate appeared on “Dr. Phil” and had some not-so-nice words to say about Nadya. Today, Nadya fired back. In a brand new interview with Radar Online (trust me, you’ll want to watch), she lashed out at Kate for getting a tummy tuck, for looking too much like a box (huh?), and for being desperate for attention. Pot, meet kettle.

First came “Coctomom,” the porno inspired by Nadya Suleman. Now Nadya’s going to be immortalized in a musical. That’s right, OctoMom the Musical” is in the works. And it’s gonna be quite a production. People in the first two rows of will get soaked during the delivery scene, and babies will fly over the audience. After the jump, the reasons this musical is pregnant with failure.

We should’ve known it was coming. In the same vein as “Nailin’ Paylin,” a porn spoof based on Nadya Suleman, the woman who birthed octuplets now known as “OctoMom,” is about to hit an adult video store near you. Naturally, the title came easily. “CoctoMom” will spoof the baby-obsessed mom’s need for sperm donors. I, for one, am frightened.

Likewise, the “Twilight” franchise is getting its own XXX movie in the form of “Twilight of Virginity,” which, I guess, is about vampires sucking blood and popping cherries. Which of these two do you think will be the most successful? [Examiner]

Just in time for Mother’s Day, OctoMom Nadya Suleman gives her army of babies the best gift ever: no more brothers and sisters! After giving birth to 14 children through in-vitro, OctoMonster is making her first responsible parenting decision and getting part of her baby making-machine, her uterus, removed. The surgery, scheduled for this weekend, means that Suleman is unlikely to spawn more offspring. Collective sigh. [Radar via Daily News]

This weekend, I was talking to a doctor friend of mine who calmed all of my fears about swine flu. Then I read: “90 people get the swine flu and everybody wants to wear a mask. A million people have AIDS and no one wants to wear a condom.”

So true. The fact of the matter is, there are a lot of way, way, way more dangerous and scary things humans have to worry about that make the swine flu look like child’s play. AIDS/HIV, for one—plus: cancer, global warming, terrorists. After the jump, 10 more things that are way worse than swine flu.