Tag Archives: nice guys

Ask A Married Guy: “Is Mr. Nice Just Stringing Me Along?”

Married Guy: Lies
Ask A Married Guy: "I Can't Forget That My New Boyfriend Lied To Me At The Beginning Of Our Relationship"
"I can't forget that my new BF lied at the beginning of our relationship." Read More »
Married Guy: Brazilians
ask a married guy
A reader asks: Should I get a Brazilian wax? Read More »
Married Guy: Players
Ask A Married Guy: "Did I Just Get Played By The Player-Of-All-Players?"
"Did I just get played by the player of all players?!" Read More »

This is our friend Tom. He’s a married guy with tons of relationship experience, and a skilled advice giver who’s here to answer all your pressing sex, dating and relationship questions. Have a query for Tom? Email him at friskymarriedguy@gmail.com! All questions will be posted anonymously, unless otherwise requested.

Mr. Nice and I met in 2012. Our first date lasted 13 hours: incredible, as was every date after that. We’re both divorced: he’s 52 and I’m 46, each with two kids (his in college, mine in high school). We’ve kept the kids out of it, so neither has been to the others’ home.

About eight months in, he started to become withdrawn, calling less frequently in the evening. We were still going out several times a week (dinners, movies, etc.), but it was not the same.

I finally inquired, and he gave me this response: he moved a deceased friend’s wife and four kids into his house. The friend’s wife was going through cancer treatment, unable to work, had no family, and was on the verge of homelessness. He felt he had no option but to help. He went on to say there wasn’t anything going on between them (he volunteered info), and that he hadn’t it shared with me because he didn’t know how I would respond. He said he adored where we were relationship-wise and wanted to continue. (Eight months into dating, we weren’t having sex. Lots of heavy kissing and cuddling, even a few weekend get-aways in a shared bed, but no sex). We both agreed early on that sex complicates things and we really wanted to take it slow. Keep reading »

Dating Don’ts: The Difference Between Nice Guys And Guys Who Are Nice

Dating Don't: Enemy
Dating Don'ts: You Are Your Own Worst Enemy
You are your own worst enemy. Read More »
Dating Don'ts: Run-In
Dating Don'ts: 6 Tips For Managing Your First Ex Run-In
The first ex run-in is always the worst. Read More »
Dating Don'ts: To Date
Dating-Don'ts-Choose-To-Be-Alone
You have to choose to date if you're gonna do it. Read More »
Dating Don'ts: The Difference Between Nice Guys And Guys Who Are Nice

I had a drink with a friend the other night who spent the entire time pouting as he regaled me with the latest details of his most recent failure in the dating world. “Girls don’t like me because they don’t like nice guys!” he said. “Girls only like assholes. No one ever wants to date me because I’m too nice,” he whined.

I’ve had this conversation multiple times with lots of my guy friends, and the one thing I always tell them is this: women do like nice guys, because no one wants to be with a jerk, but there’s a difference between being a Nice Guy and being a guy who is nice. Recognizing the difference between the two is key. Keep reading »

Girl Talk: On Lying About Having A Boyfriend

No More Nice Guys!
cartoon nice guy
How to tell if you're a "nice guy" and how to stop being one. Read More »
Shaming "Nice Guys"
nice guys of OK Cupid
All about the Nice Guys Of OK Cupid Tumblr. Read More »
Ask Almie: Love Letter
How not to write one, based on a letter Almie once wrote. Read More »
Girl Talk: On Lying About Having A Boyfriend

Two days ago, I lied about having a boyfriend. I don’t do this, ever. This is one of those things I do not like to do. I do not want to feel like I have to lie about having a boyfriend to get out of an uncomfortable situation. Before I get to this story, here is an example of a situation in which I could have lied about having a boyfriend but I didn’t.

I was in Las Vegas in May, walking around with some of my dearest blogger friends, when we were approached by two men. One guy went right up to a friend of mine; the other went to me. This man stopped me and said, “Can I ask you three questions and you answer honestly?”

“Does this one count?” I deadpanned. He paused. He didn’t get it. So he asked again, ”Can I ask you three questions and you answer honestly?” Keep reading »

Dealbreaker: He Was A “Nice Guy”

No More Nice Guys!
cartoon nice guy
How to tell if you're a "nice guy" and how to stop being one. Read More »
Guy Talk: Friendzone
What guys need to know about the friendzone. Read More »
"Nice Guy" Rapists
If you have sex without consent, you can't call yourself a "nice guy." Read More »
Dealbreaker: He Was A "Nice Guy"

The first day I met Jason* he told me he was a virgin and a “nice guy” – which was why, according to him, he was unable to get many dates.

“Women are only interested in dating guys who treat them like shit,” he told me.

The virgin thing wasn’t by choice, he claimed, it was just that “nice guys always get friend-zoned.” He made it clear right away that he was interested in me, but I wasn’t attracted to him at first.

He wasn’t really my type physically, but that wasn’t the only reason I wasn’t into him initially. I’ve just never gotten hot for guys who feel the need to tell me about their sexual experiences (or lack thereof) or whine about their dating life (or lack thereof) before we’ve even gone on a first date. Plus, I still had an on-again off-again thing with an ex. So, there was that.

But once I got to know Jason, I saw that he was funny and smart, and we had a few things in common. In a college city where everyone always wanted to be out all night clubbing, he was one of the few people I knew who was content to occasionally spend a night in, just watching Adult Swim or playing an old Sega game. We quickly became friends. (Or, as Jason would say, he quickly became friend-zoned.) Keep reading »

How To Tell If You’re A “Nice Guy” (And How To Stop Being One, Because They’re Awful)

"Nice Guys" Who Rape
Intent isn't everything, but it does matter. Read More »
Shaming "Nice Guys"
nice guys of OK Cupid
All about the Nice Guys Of OK Cupid Tumblr. Read More »
Truly Nice Guys...
They don't have to finish last. Read More »
Michelle On Nice Guys
You deserve more than just a guy who is nice, says Michelle Williams. Read More »
cartoon nice guy

Let me be clear right here from the start, nice people are amazing all the time and wanting to be one should be a main goal in everyone’s life. This isn’t about them.

“Nice Guys,” with the quotes — and if you’re reading this out loud, a little stank in your voice — are not really that nice.  They’re actually pretty shitty people who are entitled little shitheads and incapable of understanding the feelings of others. It’s pretty common and understandable if you think like this in middle school or high school, because everyone at that age is usually pretty terrible (definitely myself included), but “Nice Guys” in their twenties and beyond are a real bunch of life-failing sadness machines that just bring my day down like no other.

But it doesn’t have to be like this! I put together some helpful tips so you can tell if you or someone you know is being a Nice Guy, and then get your life back on track to not being a suckfest of a human. Keep reading »

Men Who Go Out Of Their Way To Describe Themselves As “Good Guys” Make Me Suspicious

Crazy Blind Dates
Would you let OKCupid set you up on a "Crazy Blind Date"? Read More »
Things To Tell Your Ex
13 things you want to tell your ex, but never will. Read More »
Courtship Isn't Dead
Courtship isn't dead, it's just taking a nap. Read More »
date

Earlier this morning, I was reading a piece on How About We’s blog The Date Report about men who are “serial daters” thanks to the ease of online dating web sites. Blogger Justin Rocket Silverman wrote about a piece in The Atlantic by Dan Slater called “A Million First Dates” which argues that online dating allows people the ability to act like kids in a candy store.  Some men feel they can easily discard women or brush off getting dumped , because there’s always the chance someone “better” is waiting for them online (AKA “Bigger-Better Syndrome”). Keep reading »

The Soapbox: The Self-Righteous Bullies Of Tumblr And Their Feminist Apologists

Shaming "Nice Guys"
nice guys of OK Cupid
All about the Nice Guys Of OK Cupid Tumblr. Read More »
"Nice Guys" Who Rape
Intent isn’t everything, but it does matter. Read More »
Do Not Date These Guys
12 guys you shouldn't date in 2011. Read More »

I’d been planning to let the issue of the Nice Guys of OK Cupid blog on Tumblr slide. [NOTE: The blog has since been taken down.] It is pretty depressing from every perspective. I’d squabbled and grumbled about it on Twitter with a few people, and then thankfully the Christmas break pushed it out of my mind.

If it passed you by, the Tumblr scours the dating/social networking site OK Cupid for profiles of men and then posts their pictures (without permission) alongside selected quotes. The typical entry shows a less than attractive guy with a few quotes from his profile proclaiming himself a ‘nice guy’ who is fed up of being ‘friendzoned’ and then a ‘wrong’ answer from the set profile questionnaires such as “Should women feel an obligation to shave their legs? Yes.” Keep reading »

“Nice Guys Of OK Cupid” = The Scariest Tumblr Of Dudes You Never Want To Date

Ugly Is Good?
OKC says being uglier actually makes you more attractive. Read More »
OKC Enemies
Y'all got issues. Read More »
"Nice Guys" Who Rape
Intent isn’t everything, but it does matter. Read More »
nice guys of OK Cupid

How do we feel about this new trend of shaming people by attaching their photos to douchey stuff they say online? I’m not arguing that some of the gents on Nice Guys Of OK Cupid are not pigs. The Tumblr is unmasking all kinds of misogynists and power-hungry freaks. Like, say, the guys who answer “yes” to the question, “Do you think there are certain circumstances a person is obligated to have sex with you?” Keep reading »

The Soapbox: On Nice Guys As Rapists

I Was Date Raped
Amelia was date raped in college by a guy she liked. Read More »
Drunk Is A Feminist Issue
Why women everywhere should be concerned about binge-drinking. Read More »
Too Drunk?
If you're a drunk woman who gets raped, will you be taken seriously? Read More »

Almost a year ago, I wrote an essay about having been date raped in college. The piece got a strong reaction from commenters, many of whom debated whether or not I had given or not given consent for this guy to have sex with me. Much of the back-and-forth centered around the fact that I didn’t realize that penetration had actually occurred until days later. I had had a few beers, it was dark, I was a virgin and generally sexually inexperienced, and I had told him explicitly that I did not want to have sex yet, all of which added up to me not realizing what had happened until he told me.

I perceived this man to be “a nice guy.” (We had a good date. He was funny and smart and liked animals. He seemed trustworthy.) He genuinely seemed surprised that I hadn’t realized he had penetrated me, that he wasn’t able to “help” himself. That’s what he said: “I couldn’t help myself.” I still clearly remember his tone — it was sort of sheepish, but also complimentary, as though he was trying to flatter me by saying he couldn’t stop himself from doing what I said earlier not to do. As I thought about it in the days after, I excused his raping me as a breakdown of communication. He hadn’t meant to rape me, so therefore it couldn’t be rape. Besides, he was a nice guy and nice guys just don’t rape. Keep reading »

Mind Of Man: Do Nice Guys Really Finish Last?

A recent study has concluded that it doesn’t pay to be a “nice” guy. Scientists have found that men who are “agreeable” in the workplace don’t earn as much money as men who are more cutthroat. This groundbreaking finding serves to prove that tired old saying that “nice guys finish last.” When did you become so starved for attention, science? I know that modern society is allergic to reason and that facts and the boring pursuit of truth aren’t sexy. But why bother drumming up controversy by using social research to confirm a statement that only reinforces gender cliches? Do you need a ratings boost?

When women hear that “nice guys finish last,” they wail and shake their fists and wonder aloud, very loudly, if they’ll ever, ever, ever find a guy who isn’t a jackass. Then there are the men who are actually jackasses who tell themselves they’re “nice guys,” because even jackasses need to sleep. But then they read, for the 1000th time, that “nice guys finish last,” and resign themselves to being jackasses. Because why bother being a nice guy if you’re doomed to failure? Both men and women respond emotionally to the phrase “nice guys finish last.” I don’t care how scientifically sound the study happens to be because I’ll bet all my credit card debt that it was inspired by a desire to steal some spotlight instead of illuminating the human condition. Keep reading »

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