Our favorite part of Newt Gingrich’s platform was his promise to build an American moon colony. “Imagine weightlessness and its effects” he said of the benefit of the space honeymoons, which he believes will be all the rage in a few short years. We’re not really seeing romantic space getaways catching on anytime soon. Zero-gravity sex sounds like a disaster to us. Our reasons after the jump. Keep reading »
Look at the graphic above. Believe it or not, one of the ridiculous campaign promises above was actually uttered by a presidential candidate. Yes, Newt Gingrich actually claims that, if elected, he’ll get a moon colony going by the end of his second term. That’s right America: You could be barbecuing on the moon by 2020 if Newt has his way. Newt’s plan would allow for the moon colony to apply for statehood once a population of 13,000 had been achieved. So yes, he’s thought of everything.
“I will, as president, encourage the introduction of the ‘Northwest Ordinance’ for space to put a marker down that we want Americans to think boldly about the future, and we want Americans to go out and study hard and work hard and together we’re going to unleash the American people to build the country we love,” Gingrich said in Florida this week, rather not coincidentally in an area hard hit by the cancellation of the space program.
Candidates will say anything to get elected, am I right? So we dreamed up a few other wild zingers we thought the President and Newt’s fellow Republican candidates might say. Enjoy!
Last night’s Republican debate got off to an uncomfortable start last night when Newt Gingrich was asked the first question of the night about his ex-wife Marianne Gingrich and whether he asked for an “open marriage.” CNN moderator John King asked the question because Marianne Gingrich appeared in an ABC News interview that also aired last night claiming Newt cheated on her with current wife Callista Gingrich and asked for an “open marriage.” When Marianne Gingrich said she didn’t want an open marriage, and in fact that she had been diagnosed with multiple sclerosis, Newt asked for a divorce. When questioned about Marianne’s statements at Thursday night’s debate, Newt called them “false” and chastised John King, saying, “I am appalled that you would begin a presidential debate on a topic like that.” Keep reading »
Marianne Gingrich, ex-wife of Republican presidential wannabe Newt Gingrich, will appear on “Nightline” tonight and dish the dirt on their marriage, which ended after Marianne was diagnosed with multiple sclerosis and he filed for divorce. Marianne Gingrich will reveal all sorts of unsavory things about what Newt wanted to do with his penis, including asking Marianne for an “open marriage” so he could sleep with Callista, who is now his wife. Marianne Gingrich said no: “And I just stared at him and he said, ‘Callista doesn’t care what I do.’ He wanted an open marriage and I refused.” So then Marianne said, Newt began sleeping with Callista — all the while trashing President Clinton for the infamous Lewinsky BJ.
He’s icky. Yes. Newt is icky. And that is the problem — not that Newt asked for an open marriage, or that there is something wrong with open relationship at all. Keep reading »
We can’t pretend to know what’s happening here in this photo taken at a Newt Gingrich campaign stop in South Carolina. But … we can imagine. He’s playing “Got your nose”? He’s performing much-needed emergency triage on a bloody beak? He’s trying out his correspondence course magic tricks? What’s your guess?