Our favorite part of Newt Gingrich’s platform was his promise to build an American moon colony. “Imagine weightlessness and its effects” he said of the benefit of the space honeymoons, which he believes will be all the rage in a few short years. We’re not really seeing romantic space getaways catching on anytime soon. Zero-gravity sex sounds like a disaster to us. Our reasons after the jump. Keep reading »
Look at the graphic above. Believe it or not, one of the ridiculous campaign promises above was actually uttered by a presidential candidate. Yes, Newt Gingrich actually claims that, if elected, he’ll get a moon colony going by the end of his second term. That’s right America: You could be barbecuing on the moon by 2020 if Newt has his way. Newt’s plan would allow for the moon colony to apply for statehood once a population of 13,000 had been achieved. So yes, he’s thought of everything.
“I will, as president, encourage the introduction of the ‘Northwest Ordinance’ for space to put a marker down that we want Americans to think boldly about the future, and we want Americans to go out and study hard and work hard and together we’re going to unleash the American people to build the country we love,” Gingrich said in Florida this week, rather not coincidentally in an area hard hit by the cancellation of the space program.
Candidates will say anything to get elected, am I right? So we dreamed up a few other wild zingers we thought the President and Newt’s fellow Republican candidates might say. Enjoy!
Last night’s Republican debate got off to an uncomfortable start last night when Newt Gingrich was asked the first question of the night about his ex-wife Marianne Gingrich and whether he asked for an “open marriage.” CNN moderator John King asked the question because Marianne Gingrich appeared in an ABC News interview that also aired last night claiming Newt cheated on her with current wife Callista Gingrich and asked for an “open marriage.” When Marianne Gingrich said she didn’t want an open marriage, and in fact that she had been diagnosed with multiple sclerosis, Newt asked for a divorce. When questioned about Marianne’s statements at Thursday night’s debate, Newt called them “false” and chastised John King, saying, “I am appalled that you would begin a presidential debate on a topic like that.” Keep reading »
Marianne Gingrich, ex-wife of Republican presidential wannabe Newt Gingrich, will appear on “Nightline” tonight and dish the dirt on their marriage, which ended after Marianne was diagnosed with multiple sclerosis and he filed for divorce. Marianne Gingrich will reveal all sorts of unsavory things about what Newt wanted to do with his penis, including asking Marianne for an “open marriage” so he could sleep with Callista, who is now his wife. Marianne Gingrich said no: “And I just stared at him and he said, ‘Callista doesn’t care what I do.’ He wanted an open marriage and I refused.” So then Marianne said, Newt began sleeping with Callista — all the while trashing President Clinton for the infamous Lewinsky BJ.
He’s icky. Yes. Newt is icky. And that is the problem — not that Newt asked for an open marriage, or that there is something wrong with open relationship at all. Keep reading »
We can’t pretend to know what’s happening here in this photo taken at a Newt Gingrich campaign stop in South Carolina. But … we can imagine. He’s playing “Got your nose”? He’s performing much-needed emergency triage on a bloody beak? He’s trying out his correspondence course magic tricks? What’s your guess?
Just because Michele Bachmann dropped out of the 2012 presidential race doesn’t mean we’re in the clear — there are still plenty of candidates who would love nothing more than to restrict women’s reproductive rights. Newt Gingrich was asked by a voter yesterday whether he supports abortion if the woman was impregnated via rape or incest. And what do you think Mr. Compassionate had to say about that?
No, I wouldn’t make exceptions. What I would try to do is create a program that would enable women in those circumstances to have support and help them through whatever process they needed both in terms of counseling and in terms of if they wanted to give up the baby for adoption. Keep reading »
Politicians and peanut butter go together like infidelity and chocolate. Wait. Hmm. Oh, you know what I mean. Anyway, wannabe GOP presidential nominee Newt Gingrich is now supporting a pledge from a social conservative group called The Family Leader promising to be faithful to his wife. The candidate issued a statement saying he agrees with the following:
“I pledge to uphold the institution of marriage through personal fidelity to my spouse and respect for the marital bonds of other.”
Now, marital fidelity is a fine idea indeed for those who choose it; the thing is, he hasn’t. Gingrich is on Wife #3 and carried on an affair with Wife #2 while he lead the impeachment campaign against President Clinton. (Gingrich has also been accused of filing for divorce from Wife #1 while she was hospitalized for cancer, although his daughter disputes that claim.) Keep reading »