Twentyten’s “makeout guard” necklace will make you look sharp. Ha. [Blog.UrbanOutfitters.com]

“Everything old is new again” is a saying that you hear over and over again in the fashion world because, as we all know,  trends are recycled. A few years ago, my mom bought me a copper necklace that consisted of a filigree ... well, I called it a basket at the time ... and green, maroon, and clear beads from a vintage store. The necklace was really heavy, a little too ornate, and didn’t really fit with my style at the time, but I enjoyed looking at it. And I thought someday my necklace would be the signature piece of an outfit.

I had no idea at the time that my mom had stumbled upon one of the oldest jewelry trends in history. The pouch necklace has been worn for centuries by those looking to mask their odor or to ward off evil spirits. Nowadays, jewelry designers are giving pouch necklaces the studded and metallic treatment, but you can still find traditional leather ones. I’m really feeling the ones above by Bona Drag, because they’re sweet with the delicate crochet pattern, but are also a little tough with the oxidized brass chain. 

VulvaLoveLovely is an Etsy retailer which sells custom-made vaginal portrait jewelry. Simply send a photo of your vag and the artist will make a lifelike replica of it, dangling from a chain! The point is to encourage women to celebrate their vulvas and stuff, which is nice, but VulvaLoveLovely isn’t satisfied with just a photo—they want your vaginal feelings too. “Send me a convo describing your vagina: the shape of your inner and outer labia, colors, how much or how little your inner labia extend out from your outer labia, how well hidden your clitoris is, is it heavily hooded, or can you see it fairly easily?” Um, yeah, I’m with Regretsy on this one:

“You know, it’s unnerving enough that there’s someone out there, painstakingly making polymer replicas of your cooter ... [but] if I’m going to spend that much time online talking to a stranger about my p**sy, I better be playing with myself.”

I’ve got a jewelry box full of chokers from this elaborate jewelry phase I went through a couple years ago. I’m still a little bit in love with most of them. But having grown out of that particular style of way overdone, I couldn’t really figure out what to do with them forever. So they just sat there and we engaged in that familiar pattern that formerly-adored clothing and accessories know so well: Occasionally I’d pick one up, put it on, remember the good old days and then take it off again, thinking that maybe said good old days are gone for good and I should just give up on the relationship.

Conveniently, a mere day before I started my slash-and-burn closet cleaning for the fall, Erin came in wearing a sparkly, ribbon-y necklace that I totally wanted to club her and steal from her unconscious body copy. The front of the body of the necklace is an old, really cool, Vivienne Westwood choker that Erin wasn’t really feeling anymore. To make it amenable to her more grown-up wardrobe, she added a thick ribbon and turned it into a longer necklace. I’m kind of in love with how it looks with all things slouchy and jacketed now. Plus, doing it is maybe the easiest thing ever. Here’s how:

High-heeled shoes have gotten pretty artsy lately, with naked goddesses, guns, and even a lack of heel replacing the basic pump. But design duo Azumi and David (A’N'D) have recognized the beauty of the regular ole heel, removed it from its usual companion, the shoe, and hung it on a chain, creating these delightful, tongue-in-cheek necklaces. We don’t know about you, but we have a particular pair of shoes that keep failing us. The next time they do, we might have to rip off the heel and make a necklace out of it as payback for breaking on the way to a job interview and a first date. [Azumi and David]

Cobwebs come into fashion but once a year (Halloween), and are then resigned to lonely corners for the remainder. Not the case with Dollybird, whose designs feature preserved cobwebs in glass pendants that rest on necklace chains. Hand set in sterling, the one of a kind necklaces can be ordered in varying sizes, from one-inch to three-inch circles. There’s also a ring to rock Goth-style, allowing you to celebrate Halloween all year round. [$175 and up, Dollybird Design]

Hearts are so last year. I love the look of this delicate envelope charm, which you can customize with an engraved message on the back. Mine would say simply, “LU,” which is my dog’s nickname, not a wack version of “Love U,” FYI. [$75, LOOKAjewelry, Etsy]

We’ve always wanted to be spies, so we adore high-tech gadgets that hide within them something unexpected. Swarovski sells not one but several dressed up USB drives decorated with about a million crystals. The Moon Chrome USB Memory Key is by far the coolest, since it’s the fanciest looking, but, sadly, it has a big price tag ($240) to match. The jump drive attached to our keychain will have to do until we marry James Bond. [Swarovski]

We’re all about high-tech fashion and accessories, but sometimes things are all gadget-y without actually being useful. They’re cool, but what do they do? This solar panel necklace designed by Mae Yokoyama is one example. Wear it for two hours in the sun and embedded LEDs will shine for four hours. Very cool if you’re at a Disney World light show, but not actually beneficial. What would rock our world is if you could wear the necklace during the day to collect energy in a discreet way, and then plug your phone into it at night to recharge. [Dvice]

Maybe back in the day all you had to do was bat your eyelashes to get a man’s attention. Now you do it and people assume you have something stuck in your eye or a weird twitch. Blasted! Well, you can allude to the golden days of romance and chivalry with Stephanie Simek’s eyelashe necklaces, made of 100 percent human hair. We can’t figure out if it’s creepy, cool, or both. [$38, Stars And Infinite Darkness]

Friday the 13th is next week, ladies, and you need to arm yourselves with a lucky amulet. Behold: winsome charms GUARANTEED to ward off evil spirits with their sparkly goodness. We have the cocktail glass fishbowl charm on our key chain and not one serial killer or zombie has bothered us yet. [$62, JuicyCouture.com]

This necklace is nothing like your typical inspirational necklace that focuses on boring old love, faith, and hope. Instead, it encourages you to lie, cheat, and steal, which is usually considered unladylike behavior. But these verbs can totally be inspirational when you think about them this way: lie about your age, cheat on your diet, and steal your friends’ style. [$14.99, Overstock.com]

After we saw our best friend wearing a cute navy blazer, we cribbed her style and bought the same one. Then, she got back at us by showing up to a party wearing heels just like a pair in our closet. It’s our turn to make her jealous, and we’re all about the Make My Tags necklaces from Mushka Designs. Made from sterling silver, the necklaces are customizable, so friends won’t be able to completely rip off your look. Plus, wearing one can help you remember an important date, the one-word motto you live by, or, um, your first initial. [$39 on sale just for you!, Mushka Designs]

We’re giving away five CUSTOMIZED necklaces from Mushka Designs, but you have to work if you want to win. The five best commenters for this coming week—from today, Friday, Feb. 13 through Thursday, Feb. 19—will be awarded with one. So, be as clever, smart, and original as you can! Click HERE to read the official rules.

I’ve always associated cameos with my grandmother, probably because they seem so old school and elegant, but Jennifer Kellogg is bringing the carved jewelry into the raunchy 21st century with her Kinky Cameo Collection. Typically, cameos feature profiles of women; Kellogg’s versions show a woman licking a lollipop rather sexually. While they’re certainly not fit for my grandma, the craftsmanship is still there. Each is hand carved using carnelion and sardonyx seashells—and, as we all know, it’s all about your technique. [via Refinery29]

We love fun scarves just as much as the next fashionista, but, dang it, trying to make a fancy scarf look cute, rather than like something Jan from “The Brady Bunch” would wear, isn’t always the easiest task. Thankfully, this statement piece crafted from vintage Oscar de la Renta or Chloe silk scarves will look beautiful around your neck, no fancy scarf-tying skills needed. Sure, it costs $125, but just remind your label-loving self that it’s designer. [$125, Manic Trout]